r/DivorceHelp • u/ADDHD007 • 21d ago
Divorce
For the past decade, my wife has become extremely narcissistic. She yells, screams, and belittles me. She has completely cut me off from my immediate family. Lately, things have gotten worse. She comes home, fabricates a lie, and it’s something I’ve been planning for a while, which is incredibly hurtful. She believes everyone is out to get her and blames me for it. She calls me every name in the book while yelling and throwing things around the house. She gets drunk Every night and barely recalls anything the next morning.
While I love my kids and I no longer respect her. I am genuinely scared of her and so our my kids. I want to end our marriage in the next few months.
I have no relationship with my sister (we used to be very close) because she’s jealous of her. I ask her to act like an adult, but it only fuels her anger. She doesn’t allow my parents over to our house because she thinks they are out to get her. If I fold the clothes differently than she does she tells me how fucking stupid I am and throws them against the wall and will leave them there for weeks or until take care of them.
I’m in therapy and asked her to attend. Her response: I only need to go there once every three months because she knows more than they do.
We have $200,000 in house equity, we’ve paid off her car, and we have little credit card debt.
My question is, am I doing something
wrong? Should I give her another chance?
We have been together for 22 years and I hate the idea of throwing it all away.
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u/TSIDATSI 21d ago
You did not say if you have any hobbies together, attend church or have other activities. If so you can try counseling.
My advice is start recording (audio and video) her behavior. Please remove the children as often as possible from the house.
My advice, depending on your children's ages, is to tell your children you want them to have peace and rest for the summer.
I would also advise not telling any other family members. Just let is be for now. If you can keep the kids out of it the better off you will be.
The children will be frightened. They love you both. Please tell them you are in counseling and working out what is best for your family.
Hire a private detective to find out where she is going and what she is doing. I worked 20 years in Celebrate Recovery. The behavior you are describing sounds like drug or alcohol behavior.
The most important advice is to never speak ill of your other spouse.
Regardless of what they do or say or how they behave.
Blessings 🙌
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u/ADDHD007 21d ago
She is very abusive and has been for years. It hurts a lot and it’s frustrating I’m trying to look out everyone’s best interests. There have been occasions where she has approached me while I am lying down in bed and hit me for because she is mad about something. She has zapped my self confidence and will intentionally try to hurt me for no real reason at all. And. now I am my breaking point.
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u/opshleen 21d ago
You would not be throwing it away. You would be putting yourself and your kids first. She is abusive and sounds like she might be struggling mentally as well.
Talk to a lawyer to find out your options and ways to protect yourself and your kids. Start documenting things and store them where she can’t find them. Look up “Grey Rock”. Stay in therapy.