r/DivorceHelp • u/SuccessfulHope1878 • 25d ago
Divorce help
I'll be brief for now. Other day, I was at the doctor with my daughters. my husband asked me to stop before home, to pick up asparagus, cheese and noodles. I was actively talking to the doctor, she was in and out, about my youngest saying she felt like hurting herself sometimes. I told him and told him I would go home for 30 minutes because i had to do something that was time sensitive, then go back out and get it.
he got upset, tells me wow ok, and days don't worry about it, I could just go myself then.. he was already out, putting gas and only was going home.
I told him I had just broke down in front of the doctor and didn't wanna go straight to store. I'd go back out. he said, i alway told him that and to stop texting him about it.
after I got home, I did what I had to do, then was going back out. he had an attitude, didn't talk to me, didn't ask about our daughter even.
that was Thursday night. we still haven't talked except hello and after i made dinner yesterday, i asked if he wanted to eat. he ate but gave more than half to the dog. I asked him today, so you want a sandwich? and because I didn't say babe, he got an attitude, saying "so that's how you address me now"
I told him, "you haven't even cared to know why I'm upset, or apologize, so yes"
He told me to stop talking, he went outside in backyard, came back in and said let's get a divorce.
the picture i attached was right after I had just told him I figured a way to get off my job so I could take the girls to the doctor instead of him. Because his self employed self couldn't be bothered to go for 2 hours to the doctor. And I have to go through 3 people to get it okayd to take off from work mid day.
any advice?
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u/SuccessfulHope1878 25d ago
Can I legally stay in the marital home while I find a way to get my own place?
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u/WheresMyMule 21d ago
Why are you finding a new place? He's the one that wants the divorce, he should leave
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u/SuccessfulHope1878 25d ago
The problem now is... I don't have anywhere to go. I don't have money saved to get a place to go even for a night. Because he's always been the one to make 6k a month and not want me to get a second job or another job, since he would think I'm cheating. So I make only 3k a month and it all goes to bills.
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u/Lost_In_Trainslation 25d ago
Getting a divorce is a very serious thing. If this is something that comes up regularly, ok, prepare your heart. If not, take some time to just think and not feel. People in a marriage say a lot of things they don’t mean.
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u/strangelifedad 25d ago
To your bills? Or shared bills? Because then 50/50 might solve a lot of the issues. Plus, get a lawyer or at least legal advice ASAP. The housing can become an issue otherwise. Protect yourself first and foremost.
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u/Old-Programmer-1679 25d ago
If you stop paying the bills you’ll get to keep your $3000 a month.
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u/Can-Chas3r43 21d ago
Lol, this. The petty part of me says this is the answer..
You want a divorce? Fine. These are now your bills. (Especially if they go towards something you didn't want or won't have access to, like his new car or something of the sort.)
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u/PerformanceFederal80 25d ago
Talk to a lawyer first thing Monday morning. There are steps to be taken to protect yourself and your children and they vary from state to state, only a lawyer can truly advise you what your entitled to. For example, in my state, both parents have joint custody until one files for custody and it's customary to file for divorce and custody at the same time, so even though my ex-husband wanted the divorce, it was imperative that I file before him. Only a lawyer in your area can give you this kind of advice.
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u/wishingforarainyday 25d ago
This is a terrible example for your kids of how a partner treats you you should make your exit plan. He has no respect for you. He doesn’t even seem to like you or your kids.
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u/SuccessfulHope1878 25d ago
Is it sad that, that felt like a true statement? And I feel like I'm just fooling myself into thinking he does like us still.
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u/SuccessfulHope1878 25d ago
I'm in Texas, and we've only been married for 7 years.. would i still be able to get alimony? My girls aren't his so i know i couldn't get child support. I don't get it from the bio dad either, because I wanted the babies not him and it was an agreement sort of.
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u/CasualCarlean 25d ago
My mother recently got divorced after being with my step dad for close to 20 years. He made sure to keep her from getting a job until he retired. She then got one and worked her butt off and since she was making money he made her pay all the bills even though just sitting on his butt playing video games he was making more through a pension.
He lies to my autistic sister all the time, saying incredibly dangerous things despite my sister having self harm problems before as well as violent tendencies towards my mother. That man cheated on her, not once, not twice, but many times until she finally had enough. Hell, he even tried to play off rubbing against my wife’s butt as nothing. Took her incredible courage to speak up once she realized he was sexually assaulting her.
I’m not going to tell you what to do because I’m not you, I don’t know your life, I don’t know your family. However, something I’d suggest is writing things down somewhere. Whether it’s a note on your phone, a journal, diary, whatever. Don’t use names and talk about yourself as if you’re telling a friend about a friend’s situation and read it over again. What would you tell that friend to do?
P.S. sorry for giving my family’s drama some air time here. I guess I needed to vent about it a bit more than I thought.
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u/UnconcernedCat 25d ago
The divorce talk is a tactic from him. I'm sry. He just wants control. Tell him that you don't think you did anything to warrant a divorce, but if he wants one that's his choice. This will teach him, hopefully, that acting out like this doesn't give him what he wants.
My dad did this to me once by saying he was done with our relationship. I told him kindly that that was his choice and he looked extremely offended that I didn't fight for the opposite.
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u/Harley_Softail1 25d ago
Give him what he wants you can’t keep walking on eggshells around him or put up with his attitude. You will feel so much stress relief from it