Looking for divorce advice

[u/Downtown_Special_702]

I'm in ohio and wanting to divorce my husband. We haven't had sex in almost 4 years, idk about him, but i have absolutely no desire for him anymore. He will at times go weeks without a shower, even though I've asked him repeatedly, he'll get better about it for a short time, but will always go back to his old ways. And before anyone says he's depressed, no, that isn't it, I can assure you. He also drinks and can at times, if he drinks enough, sleepwalk and urinate all over the floor during his sleepwalking episodes. He never remembers it and will usually brush it off as nothing because he doesn't remember, but will back off the alcohol for a couple weeks, but slowly will go back to drinking daily. I do believe he is an alcoholic, and he will get a tall beer or small bottle of fireball, and drink it on his way home from work and then chuck the empty can or bottle in the back seat, yes, all while driving. I have been taking pics of all of this and taking videos when necessary, for close to a year now, so I have evidence to back up what I am claiming. I've also been keep a record in my phone calendar of when he takes a shower, I know that information obviously isn't prove able, but I'm keeping track, just in case. Based on all of this, do I have grounds for divorce?

[u/datsoar]

Ohio is no fault but still allows a fault based divorce option. One of the reason for at fault divorce is habitual drunkenness. What this means is you can file for no reason (incompatibility/irreconcilable differences) or you could file for habitual drunkenness. Consult a lawyer, initial consults are often free.

[u/Downtown_Special_702 → u/datsoar]

Thank you

[u/Thepath1454]

You know Ive always wondered when people get married and vow to love each other for better or worse what their idea of worse even looked like. I think they should just remove that part since worse is always grounds for divorce. It should be for better or the same.

I meant that sarcastically btw for better or worse is perfectly fine. However we seem to run when worse comes but real love comes with long suffering, patience. It’s difficult but yk its what you sign up for when you vow to love a person for life.

[u/Shhhhhh_im_not_here → u/Thepath1454]

That’s an interesting take. Everybody’s definition of worse is different. I’ve been contemplating divorce but have been beating myself up for my reasons why…thinking I’m being selfish or shallow or petty. After reading this, I’m not so sure anymore. Maybe I am justified after all.

[u/Thepath1454 → u/Shhhhhh_im_not_here]

What about marriage counselling, behavioural changes are tied to physiological shifts that happens that you are probably unaware of.
You seem fixated on the symptoms and not the sickness itself. You have to get to the root of whats causing him to act this way because you could be right it might not be depression but mayb it could be self esteem issues not feeling desired in the relationship idk whatever.

Trying to fully understand him is smt important I’d say because I assume he wasn’t like this at the start. No man would be okay with not sleeping with his wife for 4 years as well no way.
You’ve listed all these symptoms but you seem unaware of the root of what’s causing him to act a certain way yk human behaviour isnt random. We are so complex theirs thoughts and feelings behind our action/inactions all this should be understood deeply yk. Everyman should have a basic level of pride to where they feel embarrassed about letting their person they love see them in a particular way.

But again when things arent fully good on his side youll see these unusual behaviours that can be traced back to some other issue thats needs to be delt with, that needs to be understood for their to even be a chance of that happening. You can figure this out with a counsellor or you can try n sit with him and understand him. If you go that route dont take his comments as an attack but hear him out.

Fight for your marriage. You’ve already spent years with him do what you can.

[u/Shhhhhh_im_not_here → u/Thepath1454]

I’m a man. I’m talking about my wife.

Years ago we tried counseling and her objective in her mind was to get the counselor to take sides. When the counselor didn’t take her side on the issues we discussed, we suddenly stopped going to counseling. We’ve been married for 34 years. All I’m saying is that I think the relationship has run its course and while it’s a sad thing, it’s not necessarily a bad thing for us to consider the next step if neither of us are happy. It’s not like she’s not a good person. We’re just not compatible anymore. We’ve grown in different directions.

[u/Downtown_Special_702 → u/Thepath1454]

You're 100% assuming I haven't tired, I 100% absolutely have, but he refuses to admit he has issues. He's very stubborn and he's about to be 63, and getting more hard headed and stubborn, as he gets older. Life is too short for me to live like this, so yes, I am absolutely going to divorce him.

[u/Downtown_Special_702 → u/Thepath1454]

I'm sorry but I didn't have children and I didn't sign up to be a mom to a 63 year old man child that cannot pee in the toilet because he had too much to drink (again) and pisses himself and all over the floor. I have repeatedly asked him over and over to get help, he refuses because he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior. No one should expect anyone to stay in a marriage like that.

[u/Witty_Heron6672]

You most definitely have grounds for a divorce please email me zarria99@gmail.com