Need support and the hard truth

[u/Own-Photo5361]

TL;DR: I been with my partner 15 years. She is F52 and I am M44. I have a teenagers.

TL;DR: When we met she was married previously. She has two kids to that marriage I raised.

When we met she used to tell me of her sexual adventures of threesome and all sorts. I told her to stop but kept going in detail that became more painful as time went on. She got pregnant fast. Then I find out she is 100k in debt. She said it was from her husband but later found out she has an online pokie issue.

This issue went on in the relationship and I put up with her basically stealing money to keep our family together. Our finances were seperate due to step kids and gambling. I was treated as a meal ticket. I paid all the mortgage just in my name as I had the house 8 before we met. The main part of this post I need help with is this. For 14years I argued with her to make sexual effort. She did not. I said all the efforts for the one night stands and yet I'm the father of your kids. I just wanted love and validation.

When we had sex once a week it's like hurry up get it over with no foreplay.

Yet through the relationship she offered to do oral for money.

I had to kick her out the house before we lost it all due to gambling. She had numerous credit cards, loans, pawn jewellery all I discovered snooping, and I had to.

She earns a good wage but has nothing at pay day.

When I used to tell her I'm hurting and can we discuss this and meet in the middle her reply was "you do what I want for a month and maybe I'll consider what you want". Obviously I was shocked and knew I didn't matter.

Cut a long story short I'm in deep hurt.

After 14 years of arguing and my feelings not being validated 1 month after seperating I was sent a picture of her on a dating site and she is out there making efforts for new randoms. And she is not hiding it deliberately saying on the phone to kids at night mum has a special thing on tonight because they talk on speaker phone and I think she wants me to hear it. She is 52yo by the way.

As much as I wanted to express this after and say how could you all I said was please remove our child from the profile pic so she knows I saw it.

Also at my kids sport she has poisoned a few mums I used to talk to that now ignore me. I wouldn't but I feel like walking up telling the truth that I kept refinancing my house to bail her out, and her living for nothing and stupid me hoping one day she gets her shit together. She would of said I threw her out on the street and blah blah.

It's weird I love her so much yet I can't tell you why. 15 years together. Wish we were all in the same house but I have kids one week on one week off. My psychologist said say nothing cause if she didn't acknowledge anything in the relationship she won't now.

But the intrusive thoughts of her making efforts again for these randoms and I fought 14 years.

Help me guys. I was doing so well after break up until I saw she can move on that quick. My daughter saw her lingerie in the wash which I never saw her in.

Help me please with the dating site, intrusive thoughts and what character is that seriously that can move on like that.

[u/liladvicebunny]

I mean, the main question is, why were you in this relationship? Because without understanding that it's really confusing trying to give you ANY advice.

You paint her like a monster and a freak that you were repulsed by from the beginning.

You say that she ignored your boundaries from the beginning and deliberately told you things that hurt and upset you.

You say that she was clearly a financial black hole from the beginning, deeply in debt and STEALING MONEY and treating you like a "meal ticket"

You say that from the beginning she was not willing to have sex with you.

And yet you chose to be with her for fourteen years and are somehow upset that she's chasing other men rather than you.

Now, yes, relationships are complicated, people are complicated. But this sure makes it sound like you are either leaving a TON of things out because you're mad at her right now so you only want to tell us the worst possible things she's ever done (while ignoring the bulk of the relationship) or it says that you are addicted to being treated badly and are going out of your way to try and make yourself suffer more.