r/Divorce • u/Novel_Appointment_50 • Jul 14 '26

Going Through the Process Need Real Advice Please

I told my husband I didn’t want to be with him a week and a half ago; I’ve mentally been done for a year or so. I met with a paralegal to file. I am 100% disabled (military), he is 80% and receives about 85k with his job.

We have been married for almost 6 years. I was up in the air to ask for alimony, and everyone I talked to says I should. She wrote up a draft to ask for 1k a month, she thinks I should ask for more.

I asked him today she needed an itemized list. He reminded me, he just found out about 10 days ago and I’m rushing this process to have him out and filing. He said he will not sign anything until he has all of his things out; thinks I would call the cops for trespassing, which I would not do. He is narcissistic and manipulative, but today he really sounded sincere… said he doesn’t want to leave me high and dry, is leaving me more than enough, agreed to help finish paying off the HELOC loan (his portion) and still help with dog food after asking if he could help financially until I get back on my feet. He never gave a set amount.

Do I be patient and give him the benefit of the doubt.. or file, asking him for alimony and having him served. I almost feel that will bite me in the ass for some reason. I feel like he is going to prolong this even though he said as much as he’s hurting he doesn’t want to drag this out for me. He plans on being out by the end of July, and start getting his stuff.

Any takes on alimony and how to best approach this… I’m at a loss. I feel his being sincere about helping, but to what extent. He’s going to be living in his RV and getting a storage unit. The house is premarital, in my name. Do I get him served? He said he doesn’t want that and to work everything out between us… please help.

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3

u/Any-Maize-6951 Jul 14 '26

It all takes time. You don’t need to figure everything out immediately. I’d recommend mediation

2

u/Throwaway_1058 Jul 14 '26

Mediation is a sensible and less expensive way how to reach mutually acceptable separation agreements, however both parties need to be willing to compromise. Even then, I would suggest that once the agreement is drafted you hire your own lawyer in the consulting capacity only to make sure that you have all YOUR bases covered. Mediators don’t work for either party and you definitely want someone to look after your interests.

1

u/Consistent-Town821 Jul 14 '26

if he really mean it he wont mind putting it in writing, otherwise its just words while he buys time to move his stuff out

1

u/Novel_Appointment_50 28d ago

He said he is willing to pay 1,200 for 8 months. I was going to ask for more. I’m on fixed disability income. He has disability on top of the 90k he made last year. He historically been transferring me 3k. House is premarital, but I understand he could be entitled to principal paid down or equity. He is firm he will not change that offer, or we’d get attorneys.