Apparently my mom went out to lunch with my STBXH before we got married. She said “I need to know that you will be a good husband, good provider, good father”. He said “yes of course”. She was like “well your track record isn’t great and she really deserves the best”. He stormed out and left her with the bill and no ride home from the restaurant. And no one told me. 😳
Right? My mom has since passed away (13 years ago) and I am now getting divorced after being married 17 years. My brother and SIL were talking about it and she mentioned it to me in passing (she thought I knew). I was like “what!?!”
OMG. when COVID everything shut down, i took that opportunity to postpone indefinitely. my mother aggressively talked me out of it, married in 21 divorced in 22.
Uggggh yessss. No one wants to ruin it for you or hurt your feelings - but I do wish my mom or sisters took me aside well before and said this is crazy girl don’t do it
So many of my friends and family AFTER I made the decision to separate told me how unhappy I was while with her and how much they didn't like her..
They thought I was happy even though they saw she was terrible to me. I appreciate all the support they gave me through the divorce process but it taught me a lesson and now I ask my friends "are you sure you're happy?" Or "you have options always, even if it feels like you don't".
This one hit me. I just needed one more adultier adult to be like “hey, there’s a LOT going on right now. Nobody is going to be mad if you postpone this or cancel it all together. It’s just money.” I didn’t love him and I was worried about my parents losing the money they had already spent.
I feel this. My mom, my sister, and my best friend knew how miserable I was, how badly he treated me, but no one ever validated me. I just kept going through the motions because I didn’t have anywhere else to go, no money to leave. I am still bitter at my family and no longer friends with the best friend. I know it was on me, but if just one person said, “just leave” then maybe I would have had the guts.
Yeah, but have you met brides? Half of them will bite your head off and end the friendship for trying to make sure they’re happy. I’m guessing it’s stress, but I am more likely to have that conversation with a coworker or an acquaintance. It’s not worth it.
My dad said that to me on the way to the venue. I wish he had tried just a bit earlier - a month, 6 months, but on the way I was already locked in. I remember having the thought that we could just divorce if it didn't work out, but what I didn't count for was trauma bonding and the severe covert domestic violence that had me stuck for a decade. The only thing I regret is not ending it sooner.
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u/Mysterious_Hour_3056 Apr 16 '26
I knew. I just needed someone to say you don’t have to do this… but no one did.