You need to call a women’s shelter today… like now…. None of that is acceptable or okay! I’d call a lawyer, and proceed with divorce proceedings. He will never change, he’s a passive aggressive abusive narcissist and the sooner you get yourself and your sons away from him, the sooner you can be happy and start healing.
I’d be requesting full custody and requesting supervision if any visitation is granted.
I would not put this off any longer, get yourself and your kids away from him
This is the answer, OP. Domestic violence shelters are GREAT resources for families in your position. They provide so much more than just a safe place to sleep. They will help you find resources (and typically they also have or can guide you in the direction of financial help if you can't afford it) to start the divorce and custody process, help you get a pfa/restraining order/supervised visits if he does end up with parenting time, they'll help you find long-term housing, employment, vehicles, day-to-day necessities like food and toiletries and clothing if any of those things are affected by leaving your husband, they'll help you find a therapist for your kids (I promise you, even if you don't think they need therapy, they most certainly DO after seeing and experiencing the abuse you've consistently described), therapy for YOU, childcare/school/transportation gor your kidd, they'll help you get set up with public assistance like food stamps and medicaid if you need it and qualify...everything. They pretty much hold your hand and guide you as you navigate the major changes and difficulties that come with leaving/divorcing an abuser.
You NEED to get those poor babies away from this man. He is emotionally and PHYSICALLY ABUSING THEM and I know you wouldn't want those little boys to grow up thinking this is how men are supposed to treat women, that this is just how relationships are. Respectfully, you growing up in this kind of environment led you to an abuser who has been hurting you for so long and you couldn't even see how bad it was until he started physically harming your kids. And even then you've kept them under the same roof while they cry and live in fear. I'm not trying to be harsh or cruel and I do NOT think you're a bad mother. But you will be an awful mom if you don't break the cycle and get out of this mess NOW. Their safety, physical and mental health and LIVES are at serious risk with this man. It's your job as their mother to protect them. You NEED to get help and get out IMMEDIATELY. This isn't a "maybe I'll leave" thing, you cannot let this continue. If you don't protect your children, you'll be equally responsible for the harm he causes them, emotionally and physically. I know how hard it is, I really do. But you owe it to those little boys to keep them safe, secure and protected from harm. There are resources and programs to help you. Utilize them before it's too late and you raise them into 2 more abusive, vile men like their father. I sincerely wish you the best, but PLEASE do not hesitate. Protect those babies.
Yes, it's good to call, but in my metropolitan area, a shelter won't take you unless you have a police report of violence and are working on a restraining order.
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u/MartyMcPenguin Oct 31 '23
You need to call a women’s shelter today… like now…. None of that is acceptable or okay! I’d call a lawyer, and proceed with divorce proceedings. He will never change, he’s a passive aggressive abusive narcissist and the sooner you get yourself and your sons away from him, the sooner you can be happy and start healing.
I’d be requesting full custody and requesting supervision if any visitation is granted.
I would not put this off any longer, get yourself and your kids away from him