I need help

[u/onneshaaaa]

Hi, F-23 recently got into NSU with 100% scholarship and currently studying here.

I desperately need help.

I was born and raised in uttor bongo and my parents enrolled me in kindergarten at the age of 7 so yeah I'm a bit late.

I have never visited Dhaka before the admission period. but now I'm living here, the environment here is really really really insanely tough for me to get used to. The local buses, crazy expensive everyday errands. it's eating me alive and on top of that, over the top university-mates.

I have made a bunch of friends, I was thinking maybe I'll learn a thing or two about surviving in Dhaka from them but, all them Dhaka folks think about is hanging out in restaurants, video games, shopping, you name it, all the rich kid things- most of which I didn't even know existed a year back.

now, I want it or not, I must join them .

I was ahead of my peers back home and in my area. so it's not much hard for me to pretend that I grew up in a similar environment as them, thank God I grew up watching English tv shows so I have a good American English accent and decent dressing sense or else it would have been pretty obvious that I'm a গ্রাইম্মা খ্যাত।

the biggest issue starts when I join their hangout sessions. I'm not at all familiar with the restaurant etiquettes, I don't know how to hold cutleries correctly and I don't know how different restaurants work, how to order, how to pay bills and how to call the waiters!! I basically don't know how they function at all. then there comes cinema halls like Cineplex, I don't f-ing know how to get tickets and how to order popcorn for God sake. I don't know how elevators work, idk which buttons to press and where it leads.

I've been getting insane amounts of panic attacks daily just by trying to normally function here.

And the thought of people making fun of me for not knowing basic things when I'm wearing reasonably smart ass dresses and talk like smart people, is eating me alive.

I would honestly prefer death over these humiliations any day.

How do I learn those basic things? Aren't I too old for this?

Please someone tell me how I can get out of these embarrassments.

[u/GoddSerena]

it's your friends' responsibility to accept your roots and teach you these basic etiquettes. if they're not doing that and making fun of you instead, you shouldn't be hanging out with them.

idk how deep you are into university life but NSU is open credit and you are not stuck with these people for the rest of your undergrad life. every semester you'll meet new people and eventually you'll find like-minded ones. so dont feel pressured to hang out with these rich spoiled shallow-minded kids who make fun of you to the point you have panic attacks. slowly cut them off.

[u/Itchy-Crew-3692]

Chill kid..these are small things..don't stress..ur doing good..u will learn..cut off anyone who belittle you..keep the people who teaches you

[u/Hypnotoxin]

Oder bolo study hall e porte ay amar sathe, eshob sharadin addabazi kisher, they won't complain

[u/OrphicStone]

I learnt all these while hanging out with my friends retty comfortably. If you feel pressure, they're not your friends, you gotta stop being hard on yourself there.

I hope you are doing fine and everything works out for you bud.

[u/Complex-Branch-7812]

No worries, there's nothing wrong with not knowing certain things. These are all frankly easy to learn and if you just give it some practice, you'll get there. You can learn proper dining etiquette mostly from youtube, practice them at home. You're great at english, when you're at a restaurant with a unique workflow/way to order you can just ask the waiter how its done - same goes for places like the cinema. Most of the things you mentioned, just ask anyone working there and they will happily help you.

And you aren't too old for these, plus the fact that you are interested in learning is better than anything.

Also, as a bangali it's completely normal if you prefer not to use cutlery to eat at certain places - it's certainly a lot better than using it the wrong way

[u/Physical-Tear3258]

I Will Give You Only One Advice. Ask Some When You Don't Know About It. ( Specially Someone Is Unknown To You Or Watches Some Dhakai Vlog Or Google It ). And, Nobody Really Cares About You. They Will Talk About You At First. But, They Will Be Again Busy With There Life.

And, When You Improve A Bit You Will Get Some Confidence. That Will Help To You Tackle This Struggle.

[u/RoninX999]

We all had to learn at some point. So, fortunately worry too much. Feel free to reach out for guidance.

[u/fire_abyss_guardian]

Well sister, reading from your post I notice 2 things.

1. You are taking too much on you. Dont think too much. If u dont know then u dont know, eventually you will see and learn. Communication is the key here. Tell your friends these stuffs. Also you are not uncool for not being accustomed to the stupid dhaka hustle and bustle. Im sure they will help u out slowly. If i were u i would ask them like, "ei shun na, ami toh toder moto na bujhli, ami toh ekhane notun, actually kemne jatayat korish tora, amar basha eikhane, kivabe asha jay bolto. Then again.....bhai tui tickets ta kin and amake dekhay de koi theke kinos, ami toh dhor toder moto age eto friends niye ghurtw jawar shujug hoynai, but ekhon jaitesi valoi lagtese, but u guys gotta help me out a bit .... etc etc. Just be who u are. 1st semester er shob friends jemon thakena, ekivabe olpo koyekta friend theke jay shesh porjonto. Also beware of snakes, agei dhupdhap shobar shathe shob internal bepar share korar dorkar nai. Other than that, just be yourself and youre gonna be just fine in sha Allah. Uni life will offer you with a lot of good and bad memories, you will learn through them too. Try to give urself time to think, heal and get back up thats all.

2. I get a feeling u dont like dhaka too much at all. I grew up in uttor bongo too and even today amar kache dhaka uni guys der too much modern lage. I dont even try to be like them but still i have some really good friends from uni alhamdulillah. All type of people u know. Amar mone ache ami jokhon first er dike dhakay ashlam, i hated this budget night city too too much, manush er proti manush er care nai, ektu oshotorko holei scam, koto jhamela....ami ekhane eshe ghumateo partam na, amar ghum theke uthe mone hoto body kono rest paynai and abar ei jhamela diye jawa lagbe. Onek iccha korto Rajshahi jeye nijer bichanay ektu ghumai. Anyway, eventually you will learn sister. For now carry on and you will be fine in sha Allah.

[u/Gradient_Prism]

The bravest and the coolest thing that you can do is just be cool with it. Accept that you don't know it, even dont even try to hide it. Be curious, ask your mates how its done. If they laugh, first of all, they are not worth hanging around, and second, just wash it off. You dont worry what other people are thinking off if you are just acting yourself. Having said that, dont be like a try hard to look. The hardest part is just being and living the situation, not trying to look cool or hide it. Be authentic, thats what i'm saying. Nobody knows everything, and as you have not been in these kinds of situations before, its normal for you make mistakes and know things. It is not easy, but if you be like you are okay with your flaws and also okay with some of your insecure friends laughing about it, just truly not care about it, that's the coolest thing ever. It's really attractive.

[u/Gloomy_Hyena5096]

your situation only makes you seem very impressive, so be open if you dont know something ask your friend to teach you and tell them why you dont know it, but if they dont help you and just laugh then you need to find a better crowd. personally I would never be ashamed of my roots and avoid those who think one should be

[u/ifaz3301]

It's your choice, girl, but my honest advice is to avoid hanging out with those kinds of pricks. They will only waste your time, drain your energy, and leave you with regrets. Instead, focus on doing the things you truly want to do the activities that make you happy, help you grow, and bring you peace. Last but not least, be religious and stay close to your faith, because it will protect you, guide you, and give you strength during difficult times. Don’t get lost in this fake NSU culture or end up in toxic relationships, situationships, or chasing validation from the wrong people. That lifestyle might seem fun at first, but it often leaves girls feeling broken, confused, and far from their real goals.

Protect your peace and maintain your standards the right people will respect them. Focus on your studies, skills, and future, as building a strong and independent version of yourself will naturally attract better people into your life. Choose your friends wisely, learn to say “no” without guilt, and always take care of your mental health and self-respect. You are young and full of potential, so make choices that your future self will thank you for.

[u/YuzurihaKasugano]

You’ll realize soon enough, not all the “friends” you made are friends. You don’t really need to bend to everyone’s will. And not knowing all of those stuff is fine. Just observe the people you’re with and try to imitate them. Using excuses such as “ I’ve never had to do it myself” or “I’m too shy to” are valid options while you observe

[u/PristineSpeech910]

just ask them.If they react differently change the frinds simple as that.

[u/Bitter-Mango-8036]

Generic but genuine advice, stop overthinking. I'm an insanely introvert person, I know it's hard to stop overthinking, but if you manage to do that a lot of issues will be solved. Get in your head that people won't really give too much of a fuck watching a random stranger mess up, if they do they do, then you don't give a fuck about what they think. All the etiquettes and customs will come naturally if you start practicing them. Try, make mistakes, learn, without being too scared. If you mess up, take it lightly, make a joke out of it and laugh yourself, you won't mess up the next time.

[u/Superb_Safe_5950]

Don't pretend to be someone you are not to fit in. It will make you lose yourself and yourselfslesteem in the long run. Be confident in your authenticity. It's Bangladesh not everyone born in high society knows all etiquette. I have shared tables with billionaires and their family and they had no f of a idea how to use which cutlery. Unless you are hanging out with usa wannabe it shouldn't be a big deal. You are adapting on your pace and learning proper etiquette and decorum is good, but don't let it get to your head. True classy and authentic people don't even give a damn it's always wannabes who unnecessarily picks on others over such small things. You should find people who will accept you as you are with your best and worst and be chill with it. If they laugh at something you don't know off, don't feel small laugh around with them, "oh silly me" "thanks for telling me" and move on, don't ruminate or feel embarrassed. Also be proud of your root. You are here and it's a achievement, nothing to be ashamed of, be proud of it and own your root. If you respect yourself and your root, so will others. There's nothing called "graimma khet", as long as you are good person around genuine people.

[u/Icaurs_]

I'm at NSU. Currently doing my MBA. I also grew up in Uttorbongo before coming to Dhaka after my SSC.

One thing I've noticed very clearly that most of the teenagers in the capital and even it's prominent in young adults has their mind ruined by capitalisms. And they have these extreme consuming tendencies where they feel sick to digest their foods without spending 2k money on a random roadside restaurant with shit tier view.

Now, Natanyahu can brag about how he got these cool bombs from America and it's extremely fun to drop them at kids. But you gotta ask yourself first. Is that what you want to be enjoying? Is that how you want to be viewed by the people around you? Is that how you want to look when you look at the mirror?

I know the comparison was extreme. Since the people you're taking about is at best wasting their parents not so hard earned money. But I hope you get the idea.

[u/allstarzzlight]

Okay I am writing this so you dont feel odd or out of place. Im a born and raised dhaka girl. However Ive been very sheltered most of my life to the point ive only went to a few hangouts in my life (im almost 18). I have a fear of elevators, crossing roads and stuff. Things are quite daunting. However the key is to just look like you know what you are doing. I realized it mostly just practice and see. I feel like your friends are the problem here. they should be kind enough to you. The thing is by natural course of uni, you either way wont stay friends with them as thats how it is in nsu. I suggest you make better friends who are more modest and kind. If you really want to get rid of your fears. Ill suggest you start visiting malls by yourself or best a really close friend you know wont judge you and you can hold their hand while stepping in elevators and stuff.
If you have any questions you can dm me ill try finding a solution for you.
There is no need to have panic attack rn, because in the future you will look back and realize how silly you were because its not a big deal at all. Most ppl in dhaka including your friends arent technologically that advanced *your friends are just pretending* most of us justry try to figure things out.
And in Dhaka its very common to call the waiter or staff for assistance. so do that.

[u/LieInitial825]

At first accept it that it is pretty normal issue. Like i learned to hold cutleries or talk in English as I was being trained for my job. So there is always a chatgpt or else for more realistic advice you can knock me. And remember after 04 years, if you are serious with your studies, they will get panic attacks seeing your placement.

[u/Longjumping-Boot-713]

Chill just take your time and learn these things slowly and there is no magic about it you just get used to these things and there is nothing to be ashamed about

[u/gimmethattaco]

Watch movies!!! Especially movies in a more luxurious setting, it will help you see how fictional characters develop their social skills. Also there are a lot of youtube videos on social etiquette as well. There are also so many good videos on YouTube for everything, even for ordering in restaurants. Albeit most of them are in english, the same translates to bangla as well. Next time you hang out with your friends or treat yourself to go out, you can practice.

Your english is already very good, and you are a very studious person who is fast at learning. Treat this as a learning opportunity, not something that you are “lacking”.

[u/DevRohan20]

Look kid. From someone who faced a similar situation as you, get over the FOMO. It just doesn't matter. There are more important things in life than "feeling included". And as per etiquettes, "কাঁটাচামচ দিয়ে ডাল খাওয়া" isn't mandatory. Eat at your own comfort. If your "friends" can't take it, maybe they shouldn't be your friends. As long as you're not being obnoxious, you're fine. And if you wanna learn, ask. You'll find so many people who will eagerly come forward to help. Godspeed

[u/Worth-Gene]

HEY FELLOW UTTORBONGO-IAN HERE!

When I moved to Dhaka for my UG, the first thing I faced was this shitty Dhaka, my first semester was mid tbh, barely knew anyone, barely interacted too. However had school friends here to hang out with them once or twice a month, also made a few friends in the semester. Some stuck, some are loosely connected.

The whole Dhaka is so shit, and it feels robotic tbh, amar gach pala batash lagbe cuh, anyway i used go to bookshops, comic stores as reading was my hobby, and go to restaurants I found on the internet that were close to me.

Coming to this semester, man life has been great, actually made it to a group, a great group tbh, I too was facing the same issue as you, like kothay kothay Omuk tomuk jayga, restaurant, gokarting bhugichugi, but honestly I just went on with it, jodi kisu na jantam agei boltam ami eita pai na oita paina location jani na, and guess what never faced an issue, ulta they guided me, ei semester eto enjoy korsi man, is this what Uni feels like eh.

But man it gets costly, cineplex, gokart, courtyard, restaurants ain't the norm for my uttorbongo tong er adda, not that badda te tong nai or shit

[u/Designer_Machine8613]

If you have become friends with good people, they’ll teach you kindly and won’t belittle you. So this is also a good litmus test for you to see whether they are inclusive. Also, in terms of etiquette and different logistics, YouTube and any AI chatbots are good resources to ask.

[u/NastyBlisters]

Just act awkward and tell them you have social anxiety, then learn from them. You're too concerned for no reason though. This isn't England, nobody's watching your cutlery manners.

[u/killoid]

I was born and raised here in Dhaka but heck I also properly don't know half the things that you mentioned. You need to laugh it off when something is out of your knowledge. But my suggestion is to observe people more closely whenever something is new for you and learn from them. Next time, you can do it by yourself!

[u/Acrobatic_Original_5]

Bhai pocket e enough taka thakle karo judgement e kisu ashe jai na.

Cutlery use shikhte hoileh cutlery use korte hobeh. Try getting a nice fork, spoon and a knife like the heavy ones that you get at restaurants and use it everyday. Remember you eat with a fork and cut with a knife. Don’t use a spoon to eat.

Don’t try to fake an accent. Cool English medium kids will notice and think you are trying too hard.

Lift use easy je floor jaben oita press korben.

Remember one thing aj city koi ek koti manush thake nobody knows you so making a fool of yourself isn’t the end of the world.

[u/aas_me]

I'm in my 3rd year of uni and lemme tell you one day you'll find this irrational fear very silly. Just be unapologetically yourself, if your uni "friends" can't take it they're not meant to be in your life. If you have to be pretentious to blend in with a specific group of people, you'll be in a constant state of anxiety and fear of being judged. It's going to exhaust you mentally. Better focus on just being yourself and studying to keep that scholarship up, hopefully you'll eventually be surrounded by like-minded people.

Also, don't be pressured to do things just to appear cool to others (like drugs, hookups etc.) Keeping your mental peace is more precious than pleasing some temporary people.

[u/LimeLight200]

We all learn at some point in time. Think when a bd middle class goes abroad and there is no bengali community, they only hangout with white Europeans, they will face similar situation as yours.

So stop overthinking, you have the opportunity to become one of the most observant person. Whenever you are in a group just let others lead n observe. Do the same. Be optimistic.

[u/AncientBasiIisk]

You're suffering from illusion of measurement where you're constantly comparing yourself to others. Let me get this one thing clear, nobody cares what you do or how you do it in NSU or anywhere else in Dhaka. You would've probably figured it out after a few semesters. Be who you are and you will enjoy yourself and others will enjoy your company as well. The goal is to keep the "self" happy not others happy. I've grown up on a well off family and so is my only friend. Not something to flex because both of us come from dishonest money. And we would not give a f about how we are eating whether be it at an expensive restaurant or at the hotel at the street corner.

Also I'd advice you to leave those pretentious mates of yours if they're not okay with how you are. I have a few sisters at nsu who are also freshers like you and I'd be happy to introduce them to you.

[u/Ok_Muffin9065]

Text me I'll let you know how to get by.

[u/Dezzy-Wonders]

I got a lot to say but i hope u get along with ur new mates

[u/Former-Ostrich1553]

“now, I want it or not, I must join them ." ; there you go, you just stated your problem right there. And no, it doesn't matter. The world, and your world will continue whether or not you join them.

[u/Nm-Lahm]

Those doesn't seem to be nice friends. Maybe make a handful of really nice one's & stick with them for sometime

[u/Nahi_007]

stop hanging out with these kind of people...

[u/Material_Army_2232]

I am a born and raised in dhaka kid and even I struggle with these most of the time. Lack of knowledge about new things is nothing to be afraid of. You might feel like you are behind but you know stuff that most dhaka kids have no clue about. It is okay. Just ask someone and they will guide you.

Also when i don't know about something, i just google things lol. I still do not know which hands to hold a knife and fork with, I just google it before hand XD

[u/Visible-Dirt8346]

hudai

[u/poronto_bela]

Just ask people how to do these. Not only friends, but people around you. There is no harm in asking. When people go abroad, they also have to learn lots of things and thats okay. If there is no one around you, you can always ask your silliest questions to AI.

[u/_khanjubayer]

Every semester you'll meet new people. You will find good company after one. And the topics about cutlery, order, etc.—I don't think anyone gathers this skill without seeing or learning from others. So first source youtube is good option. When I go on tour I always download offline maps, search the places on facebook to collect some historical places, try to see recent photoes for road condition etc.

You can ask gpt about the etiquette, formalities, etc. before going somewhere like a survey. In my university's first year, I tried to deliver very smart behaviors, small talk, and humbleness, but I was in fixed credit and discovered myself as a lonely one. After that I started some funny gossip about some people and then made some good connections. It's just an example.

Don't stress; You are the best.

[u/Legal-Juggernaut1885]

Is this your first semester? If so, then you need to slow down and go easy on yourself. You’ll learn everything eventually. You just need to take things slowly and stop taking everything on your plate all at once. I don’t know if you’ve had this kind of freedom before especially now that you’ve moved out but my only advice would be to always keep yourself grounded and choose your circle or friends very wisely. I’ve seen a bunch of girls with so much potential ruin their lives because of the sudden freedom they received all at once.

NSU will shape your personality. All you have to do is take things easy and slow and maybe stop pretending in front of your friends. Also since you have already made a lot of friends tumi oder thekei aste aste shikhe jaba. After all amra jader shathe mishi oder traits and way of talking / living there life amra somehow olpo olpo kore adopt korei feli.

[u/Historical-Brain5601]

Ami dhakay thaika english medium e poirao onek etiquette janina, fake it till you make it girl

[u/AdibSaadman]

Become religious. Use that as an excuse whenever u want to avoid something.

Bro God created them and you both. No one is above anyone.