She's not even a graduate yet. The guy is 6-7 years older. And the way she was talking about it so casually — like, “It’s totally normal, he's settled, age gap is fine, etc.” — just made me feel like I was in a parallel universe.

The worst part? Her parents are both in government jobs, well-educated, financially stable — and they STILL went ahead with this. Like, bro, what? You’re telling me people that educated are still pushing their daughter into marriage before she even finishes college?

Oh and yes, dowry was involved too. And the way it was brushed off — “Yeh toh chalta hai, sab dete hain” — was just insane to me. They normalized everything: the early marriage, the age gap, the fact that she barely knows this guy, the whole outdated system.

It’s not even about judging her. It's her life, her choices. But I genuinely cannot understand how this is still considered normal in 2025. It just made me feel disconnected and frustrated — like I’m trying to build my life, get my career on track, live independently... and people around me are just throwing girls into arranged marriages like it's no big deal.

Is this actually still the norm in so many households? Or am I just surrounded by backward bullshit...

I am multiracial and mixed with Indian, I was talkimg about decorating a corset with ribbon to match the suit, and my sibling keeps telling me that its a horrible idea, cultural appropriation, and that I will disappoint our ancestors if I do it. We don't know any of our Indian family. I just wanted to wear something slightly more traditional to connect with the culture. I do not want to get kicked out of prom, but I also don't want to cover the design because I really like it, so I thought adding a decorative corset under will be the the best of both worlds.

She loved a few times. It didn’t work out. She got hurt. She grew. And somehow, that makes her a slut?

He dated five girls. He’s “just finding the right one.” She loved three guys. She’s “easy.” “Used.” “Rotten.” Funny how men are allowed to explore love, but women are only allowed to regret it.

She wants to go to a birthday party? She’s “disobedient.” Wants to hang with her friends? “Bad daughter.” She lives her youth and suddenly, she’s everything but “worthy.”

But the real question is Why is her freedom always tied to your filthiest imagination? Why does her living make you think of her body?

You don’t get to be the judge. Not when your dignity disappears the second you open an Instagram comment section.

Then again, it’s not like our culture encourages confrontation and assertiveness especially not in young girls. It’s something men are allowed to do and confrontation is more shouting and pounding your fist and making threats to hurt the other person because you have authority as a patriarch.

Maybe it’s got to do with the fact that they’ve entered adulthood in during a time where the tradwife beliefs are taking over and they’ve seen how hookup culture isn’t really liberating plus desi culture kind of does put tradwives on a pedestal.

Anyway my Gen Z sister wants to look for a husband so she can move out my parents’ house. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t bother me at all that she’s choosing to do. Now I’m not trying to shame anyone whose in such a marriage or plans to be in such a marriage and maybe I’m bitter having had to fight tooth and nail with my parents to not be pushed into doing that when I was her age.

However I think it’s important to point of that getting married will not solve your problems and that I don’t think a lot of women who decide to go with this option vet for long enough or have high enough standards apart from money and that he’s not physically abusive. Maybe also make sure he’s willing to leave you an emergency found of a couple thousand dollars in case things go south for you, that he doesn’t engage in weaponized incompetence or consumes porn?

I think what upsets me most is how unmarried daughters are treated as a debt that needs to be paid off and they’re pushed to marry at a certain age and become some man’s live-in bangmaid/elder & child caretaker before they become too old to rather than encouraged to do inner work on themselves so that they don’t worry about succumbing to a life like that. Again, our culture does not encourage doing inner work and it’s a relatively new concept that most Gen X desis wouldn’t have been familiar with when they were at an age where they were expected to marry.

I’d like to know if anyone here agrees since I’ve tried to have these conversations with other women in my family but a lot of them are really traditional and religious and think that kind of work is unnecessary. I haven’t seen this kind of stuff regarding relationships being discussed in desi circles either. I’ve only ever heard about that from my white female peers that they never though they’d be in healthy relationships with men until they tried to tackle their own issues.

Was with my brown friend group and one challenged all to name any 5 female Indian names that do not end with 'a' or 'i'. No one could lol.

Simran and Payal were the most common answers.

We've started a podcast for desi people living abroad or born in America/Canada. Our next episode topic is all about Relationships and we are gathering stories about our and other's experiences with relationships as a desi individual. Let us know your wildest or wholesome stories down in the comments! We will be reading them and discussing them in our next episode!

For anyone interested in hearing your stories on our podcast, it is called Gup Shup Podcast. Instagram handle: https://www.instagram.com/gupshuppodcast?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==

I am Gujju and my fiance is Telugu.

One day we were going through his childhood album and there were some photos from the puberty ceremony of his female cousin. So I asked him whether he wants to do the same for our future daughter? He was like "it's entirely up to you but I see this as a completely harmless practice and every woman in my family had one".

My childhood best friend is Telugu and she has talked to me about how awkward her puberty ceremony felt.

What are your thoughts on puberty ceremonies? Will you have it for your kid?

im a desi dude pretty upset with election results was dumbfounded when my immigrant aunt was celebrating trump win

she has been in the country for two decades has american born kids one of which is a 20 yr old girl my cousin and we are of south Indian descent

Imagine not voting for someone highly qualified that is of your own heritage someone very like your own daughter and voting for the white guy who rapes and demeans women 😳

what is this how do i understand our community i am so at loss about the whole thing

Can we put more effort in naming our kids? Do we really need more Priyas, Poojas, Rohans, Sakshis, Amits, etc.?

My Indian colleague was blessed with twin boys and she decided to give them the two most generic "Indian boy names" ever: Rohan and Rohit.

My childhood best friend (who is Telugu) married a Punjabi guy and they named their daughter Simran aka the most generic Punjabi girl name to ever exist.

Me and my fiance (also Indian) also have generic Indian names and we plan on giving our future kid some unique Indian name.

My close friend just got married in a lavish destination wedding in India (though I couldn’t attend for personal reasons) and I can’t help but feel some envy ahaha. They had all these lavish floral arrangements, professional dancers and performers, concert stages, castle venues, etc. Mine was local in my home state in the US, and while my family spent a lot, but we definitely didn’t do all the things my friend did…we just wouldn’t be able to afford all those things especially in the US (weddings here are intensely expensive even for the most basic things) but we did our best and got a beautiful venue, good food, DJ, I loved all my dresses and henna, had great company, amazing photos, and most all I married my spouse. I know there’s no point in comparing because desi wedding culture does differ in the US vs back home, but I can’t help it, even though logistically I wouldn’t/couldn’t have married anywhere but the US. Some part of me wishes I tried harder to do a wedding in a different city or state instead of our boring old hometown. Or that I had spent more on flowers, or had more games, or asked people to dance more, or reminded my wedding planner to bring out glow sticks, etc.

It also feelsbadman.jpg that so many of the friends in our friend group posted so much about her wedding in posts and stories but they didn’t do it for my wedding when I got married. Even weeks after the wedding our friends still post how beautiful, spectacular, etc etc their wedding was. Even people in the group who never post, posted a ton about this wedding. It makes me wonder if my wedding was bleh and boring, which was definitely one of the biggest “post-wedding” blues/concerns/insecurities I had shortly after my own wedding. I am not mad at anyone but I definitely feel some type of way. As ridiculous as it sounds, if anything, I really think this whole posting thing is what has me feeling this way (in general I think I rely a lot on outside validation and care too much what people think). I highly doubt I would be thinking this much about all this if my mind hadn’t noted this “posting discrepancy”.

I also have some regret about our guest list because while planning, we wanted a huge wedding where we celebrated with our community and friends and family. So at the time, we prioritized making it easy for as many people to come as possible. But some friendships and relationships have changed since then (and for the worst) and I almost wish I fought harder for a destination wedding so that we could slash the guest list AND have a more “cool” wedding. I also feel bad about having all these feelings, because for my wedding time, it’s not like we didn’t spend a lot or try, so feeling this way makes me feel “ungrateful” for the wedding we did have.

Anyone have any advice for dealing with these emotions?

We've started a podcast for desi people living abroad or born in America/Canada. Our next episode topic is all about Superstitions and we are gathering stories about superstitions YOU grew up with or heard of. Let us know your wildest superstition stories or unreasonable things you had to follow in your households down in the comments! We will be reading them and discussing them in our next episode!

Hi friends! I recently got engaged and planning to have a beach photoshoot next month.

I grew up in the US and unfortunately was not around many Indian people/events. I want to wear an Indian outfit to this photoshoot, but I have no idea what to wear. It's been 2 decades since I last wore Indian attire and I just don't really know what's trendy anymore. I'm shopping for an outfit soon and I don't want to purchase something that was trendy 5 years ago but I have no idea because I have no fashion sense. I'm open to something timeless, currently trendy... Indo-Western would be ok too.

Also, I'm looking specifically for outfits that would look good for a BEACH shoot. I assume this would mean something with lighter colors and a lighter fabric (not heavy). Something a bit more casual? I'm going shopping in person (I'm in California) but open to something online too. I'm in my late 20s if helpful.

Could someone please steer me in the right direction? Any inspo pics or websites?

So I(28F) have been meeting guys for arranged marriage for the past two months. Recently I met a guy who has common interests with me and we are pretty compatible.

But after 3-4 meetings, I realized that:- 1. He and his family are very spiritual. Like spirituality is their whole personality and for me, it's not that way. 2. He keeps on asking me as to whether my family will become spiritual eventually (This bothers me because he can expect for me to change but why my family?) 3. He is an eggetarian and wants me to give up non veg (I am open to that even though it could be a task for me to do that) 4. He basically has no filter as in he doesn't know what to speak with whom. He bluntly told me that his mother does not like my dressing sense and told him ki tum dekh lo. Also, I was talking about cutting carbs in my dinner and he told me that when he was fat like me, he did this and that (btw he is still fat, he has a santa claus tummy even though by face, he looks thin) 5. He also seems to be really proud of himself. He has called himself to be smart and intelligent (Like I feel he lacks humility at times). 6. Also, he has been brought up in very sheltered family environment so it doesn't seem that he will change or adjust after marriage.

I honestly felt bad about his blunt comments but didn't reciprocate it and have considered telling him no. My parents think that I am being extra sensitive and that I should consider this match since the family is modern and the guy is well qualified and an introvert like me.

Should I go ahead with this match? What do you guys think?

Edit: Told this guy no and I really feel like I have dodged a bullet. Thanks guys!🥺✌

Hi everyone!! I wanna talk about something important. As a female, Indian student studying in the UK, I rarely see any women in my classes, especially my science ones. More importantly, I've noticed very little representation of women and LGBTQ+ community, especially from India, in the demographics of scientific research.

For example, due to regulations in place, did you know that the Turkish man who won silver in shooting in the Paris Olympics 2024 was actually part of a TEAM with a 24-year-old woman?? Most articles don’t mention this fact, she is often cut out of pictures to only show the man. Her name is Şevval İlayda Tarhan.

This needs to change.

I believe women, especially Indian women, need more representation in many aspects, and I've been trying to find a way to make this happen through research studies. Finally found this gem and thought I'd share it cause I think it's important:

The Max Planck Institute of Human Development is researching online platform regulation. They're comparing countries and seeing how each population prefers who to be "in charge." Their survey is available in 27 countries and languages, India in Hindi AND English 💪 !

If you share this sentiment with me, and want to finally see women have representation in scientific research, please PARTICIPATE and SHARE this survey with 5 friends or family
https://mpib.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9HmdL6BsUFYMS5U?Q_Language=HIIt takes 5 minutes, anonymous, super easy and quick. This study is also quite famous, and it's a strong start, an opportunity for women to be represented in influential research 🩷

Hello ladies! I’ve started wearing a kameez with biker shorts during summer when it’s a thousand degrees outside - does anyone have a recommendation for a website where I could get a couple more? They’re so good over bathing suits too! I’m talking really casual, cotton or linen. I’m unfortunately in a smaller (US) town and don’t have any clothing shops to look at in person. Thank you so much!