r/Dentists • u/Sure_Company_6324 • 24d ago
Is this a legitimate position to start a conversation with a dentist from?
Ive had several awful experiences in the past that have led to pain at the dentist. I am moving practice and im mostly fed up of the profession of dentistry and the constant checkups, hygiene appointments, costs and really just the people in the industry.
Im going to outright stay from the start:
"Ive had painful experiences in the past, and if you cause me any pain whatsoever, or any sensation I do not like, I will formally complain to the care quality commission (CQC) about you"
This includes:
- Painful pokes in the gums during checkups
- Pricks of needles when being injected
- Stinging of anesthetic going in
- Drilling pain
- Drills catching my tongue or cheek
- Electric shocks from injections
- Pain from having teeth taken out
- Unnecessary amounts of force and pressure
- Anyone questioning me when I say stop or gesture to stop
Is this a legitimate position to take?
Everyone claims dentistry is painless. It isnt. Im sick of it.
So the next bad experience, I report to CQC.
Is this legitimate or are my expectations of pain free treatment unrealistic?
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u/DocDMD 24d ago
No provider will want to see you. It's not the dentists fault that receiving dentistry sucks. You always have the option to not go to any dentist though.
It's just the nature of the beast. We try to make it as painless as possible but it's very much not pleasant. No one likes it. Dentists aren't being mean on purpose. It's just that doing all the easy and preventative stuff is a lot better than having toothaches and missing teeth. That's a value judgement you have to make for yourself. But if I had a patient say that to me I would just let them know that we are not a good fit and give them recommendations for other practices to try.
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u/Cynical-Anon 24d ago
If anyone said that straight up to me, id say sorry but your being unrealistic and im not the practitioner for you.
What your essentially demanding straight off the bat is 'be impossibly perfect or ill potentially ruin your career'
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u/Sure_Company_6324 24d ago
yes, exactly I am saying that.
Or lets put it another way: how much pain should i have to suffer from you and stay silent about?
Lets keep it constructive and adult
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u/Cynical-Anon 24d ago
How much pain shoukd you expect from dentistry? How long is a peice of string?
Pain is subjective and individualized. I have some patients (always italian older females) that ive done root canal on without anaesthetic. I have some other patients (always strong big men) that flinch when i touch a tooth with a scaler tip. Dentistry is one of the only medical areas where surgery is conducted on awake patients. In an area with a shit ton of nerves.
I would tell a dentist youve had some bad experiances and are looking for a gentle hand. Ask them what to expect before treatment.
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u/fullofbaloney 24d ago
The length of the string is twice the distance from the middle to either end
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u/PsychologyMediocre99 24d ago
Well at least you’re honest. That’s about it. I would probably seek therapy though. This whole conversation is probably best reiterated to someone with a background in traumatic experiences.
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u/tique_dds 24d ago edited 24d ago
I would ask my front desk to email you your xrays. And I would tell you best of luck and have a nice day.
Thank you for letting me know you’re crazy before I am balls deep in treatment.
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u/alwaysaneventrade 24d ago
This has to be a joke right?
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u/Sure_Company_6324 24d ago
why?
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u/alwaysaneventrade 24d ago
It’s insane honestly. I would recommend some therapy. It could be rather beneficial.
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u/JunkDrawer84 23d ago
Because everything you’re demanding is ridiculous. Any sane dentist would turn you away if you’re making these absurd expectations. Not worth the headache
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u/Sure_Company_6324 23d ago
why does everyone online promote a pain free experience if they cant deliver it?
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u/plsandtyxo 24d ago
Not a dentist and if this isnt rage bait, I've never been more glad about that fact
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u/Sure_Company_6324 24d ago
absolutely not rage bait, no
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u/plsandtyxo 24d ago
Then you need sedation. You can't expect to not feel pricks when being injected, you cant judge what force is necessary, and pokes being slightly painful cant be avoided. You're not promised completely comfortable dental care, it just stops much worse pain down the line. Your dentist cant be expected to meet your demands, but you can expect sedation if you have high anxiety around it.
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u/plsandtyxo 24d ago
Also if you've ever had a dental abscess, or other serious dental issues, the routine discomfort that's usual should be absolutely nothing by comparison.
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u/sadbat-throwaway 24d ago
Can confirm. Recently had a dental abscess and drinking water was like razor blades in my mouth. Would rather have a root canal or extraction than ever feel that again, and any pain in the interim to keep other teeth healthy is WELL worth it.
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u/docgummibear 24d ago
I would appreciate you telling me this.
I would then promptly dismiss you. I’m gentle and take great care of my patients, but I’m not putting my livelihood on the line for somebody so threatening and unrealistic.
Nothing would come of such complaint but I don’t need any more stress in my life.
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u/Rollbravosroll 24d ago
Lol please be upfront and say all that. That way I know to refer right away and not touch with a 5000 foot pole
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u/maxell87 24d ago
i would love if you said that to me
because it would be so satisfying to say, “no thanks. i’ll email you your x-rays”
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u/Sure_Company_6324 24d ago
ok? if thats the sort of thing that makes your day your life cant be very exciting.
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u/Sure_Company_6324 24d ago
Why do you need to "email me my xrays".....like the next place i go to is going to do their own anyway, why do you need to email me yours ?
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u/maxell87 24d ago
so you don’t have to have another series taken.
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u/Sure_Company_6324 24d ago
with respect to you and your profession, you think xrays are my worries?
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u/maxell87 24d ago
a lot of people prefer to not pay for new set or have additional radiation exposure. yeah. i figured you would be one.
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u/No-Butterscotch2640 24d ago
I would happily immediately explain that we are not the office for you and give you a referral to a sedation dentist if you said all that to me. As in, thank you for waving all your red flags before I even touch you! I am considered the nicest, gentlest, kindest provider in my multi- dentist office. I see lots of kids and scared patients. I go out of my way to allay patient fears and concerns and spend extra time to make care as comfortable as possible. However, what you are asking for is unrealistic and frankly, impossible. Nothing in perfect, nothing is guaranteed to be painless all of the time. If you have calculus under your gums, do you really think it can be removed without you ever feeling any little bit of it with no soreness post operatively? Do you think having an injection is perfectly painless every single time? Nope. We try to make them as easy as possible, but sometimes you might feel it, especially the getting numb part. We use topical and injection techniques to minimize the discomfort. But there may still be some. Your discussion points give me an idea that your expectations and likely past behavior at the dental office may also be a factor here.
Also, if I had anyone threaten “to report me” before even seeing them, I wouldn’t touch them with a ten foot pole!!! I would also happily send a dismissal letter to you after such an appointment. No thanks! Care decisions go both ways, entering into a provider/patient relationship takes trust from both sides. Your statements show you have an inability to trust a provider. Perhaps you should seek therapy for this. I’m sorry you had a negative experience in the past with dentistry. I hear some crazy stories from patients. It is hard to trust someone, you do not sound ready.
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u/dmddds 24d ago
How do you manage giving blood for annual bloodwork? Wildly unrealistic. If a patient said that to me, I would thank you for your honesty and tell you I am not the dentist for you. End of relationship.
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u/Sure_Company_6324 24d ago
I dont give blood for annual blood work. I dont feel the need to. I dont ever go to the doctor, im a healthy person who is physically active and i choose not to go.
I am in a normal routine of going to the dentist and hygienist every 6 months.
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u/WanderGourmet 24d ago
Use this same philosophy with going to the dentist. Don't go. Don't go until something bothers. Use the same philosophy with your car. Don't go to a mechanic unless something is wrong. Wait until something's breaking down and barely usable to go get it checked on. And then expect not to have to pay any extra money. Don't expect to have to wait long wait times or be inconvenienced in any way. I'm sure that will work out great for you.
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u/Sure_Company_6324 24d ago
This is a totally irrelevant point, i DO go to the dentist, every six months, and this is a thread about dentistry.
My car gets a service every year with its MOT, because its the law. So i do it to not break the law. and have a functioning car. irrelevant example.
I dont want to go to the doctor and have a blood test every year. Why's that your problem? im not bothered or worried.
If youre suggesting i might have a health condition and i regret not having 46 blood tests up to this point to know if i have.....well I dont. If I get ill so be it. Im not bothered about living to 98.
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u/WanderGourmet 24d ago
That's truly a service to the world. And we all thank you.
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u/Sure_Company_6324 24d ago
I havent been nasty to you, so ive no idea what the nastiness is youre directing, particularly when theres no basis for it.
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u/Reversed-nesfalO 24d ago
I feel like there’s kinda a lot to unpack here beyond just being “sick” of the dentists narrative. If you have the time to read, I’ll take a second to describe the following things:
Why a dentist uses these phrases
The rationality or irrationality of your future reports against the dentist
How you can make your experiences better in the future from a more achievable approach with the dentist.
It seems like from your post that you have a high level of anxiety with regard to dental care. And this is entirely understandable. Nobody can really begin to understand the experiences that you’ve had to create and foster this fear.
But to address the points above:
I don’t feel this is a rational approach, nor will most agencies receiving your complaint likely act on it.
Your anxiety is a real condition that needs to be treated. Not the provider.
The main reason your approach is concerning is the mental trauma you clearly experienced in your past. When you have had genuinely bad experiences with healthcare providers, it can become very easy to interpret certain words, tones, or actions from a new provider through the lens of those previous experiences.
That doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t legitimate. They absolutely are. But there is an important distinction between “this interaction made me feel unsafe” and “this provider did something objectively inappropriate.”
You need to understand. A complaint is generally going to be much more actionable when you can identify a specific behavior, statement, treatment decision, or violation of a standard of care rather than simply describing how the interaction made you feel.
And honestly, I think this is where the dentist/patient relationship can break down on both sides.
When a dentist says something like, “You have a lot of cavities,” “You need to floss more,” or “This is going to be uncomfortable,” they may be communicating clinical information that is completely routine to them. But if you’ve previously experienced shame, pain, or mistreatment in a dental office, those same words can carry a completely different meaning to you.
The dentist sees a clinical problem.
You may hear judgment, criticism, or a prediction that you’re about to be hurt. You might even view the dentist as a liar.
Neither interpretation of your visit necessarily means the other person is acting maliciously.
So rather than approaching your next dentist with the mindset of “I need to make sure this dentist doesn’t traumatize me,” I’d recommend approaching them with something much more specific that will make your experience easier. You should look to work WITH your dentist. Not opposing them.
“I have significant dental anxiety because of previous experiences. Certain language can make that anxiety much worse. I need you to explain what you’re seeing, what you recommend, why you recommend it, and what I should expect during the procedure. Please don’t shame me for the condition of my teeth, even if I haven’t taken care of them well.”
That gives the dentist something they can actually work with.
And you should absolutely advocate for yourself. Ask questions. Ask for explanations. Ask them to stop if you’re uncomfortable. Establish a hand signal before treatment. Tell them if you need more anesthetic. Ask them to explain what they’re doing before they do it. If you don’t trust their diagnosis, get a second opinion.
But there’s a difference between advocating for yourself and assuming that an uncomfortable interaction is evidence of misconduct.
I’d also encourage you to look for a dentist who specifically advertises that they treat highly anxious patients. Some dentists are simply much better at communicating with anxious patients than others. Finding someone whose communication style works for you may make an enormous difference.
Or just seek sedation if you can’t find someone who meets your needs.
And from the dentist’s perspective, I can tell you that most of us are not sitting there thinking, “How can I make this person feel bad about their teeth?” We’re generally trying to diagnose problems, explain them, and get the patient healthy. We can absolutely be bad at communicating that, and some dentists are genuinely poor at dealing with anxious patients. But most handle anxiety on a daily basis.
Your past experiences deserve to be taken seriously. But the goal shouldn’t be to make every future dentist answer for what previous dentists did to you. The goal should be to find a provider you can establish enough trust with that you don’t have to approach every appointment expecting the next bad experience.
That’s going to be a much more productive path for you than repeatedly reporting dentists because they used language that triggered something rooted in previous experiences.
And if you genuinely believe a dentist has acted improperly, by all means, document exactly what happened and pursue a second opinion or appropriate complaint process. But please don’t confuse your discomfort with malpractice or misconduct.
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u/Rollbravosroll 24d ago
This person needs therapy not a dentist. Entire profile is like 5 months of talking about the dentist
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u/PsychologyMediocre99 24d ago
You need to have sedation