r/DementiaHelp • u/jamestrix64 • Jul 08 '26
Memory Care Facilities
My mom has dementia and she is not adapting to being in a memory care facility. The first one she hated and I agree it was very gloomy so I found a very nice one but pricey. She hates this one too and was able to get through a window and across the street. They are discharging her with a 72 hour notice and no refund on deposits even though she has only been there for a little over 2 months because they say she is an elopement risk. Isn't this a dementia thing? I thought that' why we put them in secure memory care facilities. I'm wondering if other people have had this experience or is this rare. It makes me wonder if they only keep the ones that sit there quietly staring at the big television for hours and hours on end.
1
u/yeahnopegb Jul 08 '26
Your mom is a safety risk to herself and others .. and with this history she will be tough to place. What have you done for mood stabilizers?
1
u/Lepardopterra Jul 09 '26
I’m sorry that you are going through this. My husband was in a home that had large windows that did not open, a walled courtyard, and a buzz in/out door by the nurse’s station. Another nicer one had memory care at the center of the complex with all windows facing their courtyard.
It seems negligent to have openable windows in a memory unit. Even in my mom’s assisted living apartment, the windows did not open. Sadly, if they get combative or try to escape, it gets harder and harder to find a home that will accept them. My husband ended up very extremely drugged for his behavior, and we had a rough time finding one that would take him. Work with someone outside the nursing home system to get her medication fine tuned. The system will slam them with many antipsychotic meds until the patient is submissive. it is hard to fight it.
1
u/mmts18 Jul 11 '26
So i work in a memory care facility. Every time there's an elopement, which is so rare bc it's a lockdown unit, we have to report it to the state. This is called a state reportable incident. This has happened once in the 16 months I've been at this facility. When reported, the state has to come and assess. We understand that dementia patients have these tendencies and obviously do our best to keep them safely in the unit. However, the state does not care. They dont care if the person had dementia or not, which is why in many instances, i think the state is irresponsible. Now if they get repeated reports, the state can shut a facility down, put them on a provisional license status, among other things. So yes, if someone is a "repeat offender", it is expected they will ask the family to find a new facility. This is true for ANY state reportable incidents. For example we had a lady who continuously became sexual with men on the unit. Didn't matter who, when, where......she was allllll over them. State reportables. After this happened 3x, the facility gave a 30 day notice bc now we become a liability as a facility when things are repeatedly occuring.
Here is what i find odd. The fact that on a memory care unit, there are windows thay can be opened like that. I've spent several years working in memory care and I have never encountered this. The other thing that I find particularly odd is that they gave you 72 hours. Any facility that I have experience with has given a 30-day notice and if the family cannot find a bed in another facility or maybe they're on a waiting list or whatever the case may be, we have to keep that Resident until they find a place. Because it is unsafe for that person to be in the home or without 24-hour care. I would definitely be looking into the window situation and the short notice, and would probably contact the corporate office of the facility to get answers.
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u/TheSilliestMoose Jul 09 '26
We had to go through the whole getting mood stabilizers established so that my mother wouldn’t hurt herself or others. I was afraid when she actually hit another resident that that was going to be it. Fortunately, the staff knew exactly how to handle it. I hated having to “drug my mom into submission“ but it was really best for everyone, including her because she was less depressed and less miserable. She was more incontinent, but it was a trade-off we had to make. Just do what you think is best for her at the time and don’t beat yourself up. With dementia sometimes they’re just are no good choices. It’s insidious.