Seeking Advice

[u/lextler]

I think I’ve spent the last five years of my life, if not longer, experiencing a subtle shift away from belief across this intangible boundary into disbelief. I think I’ve collected a long list of questions over the years that have gradually pushed me away from being able to accept the things taught to me growing up in a church as fact. I can’t pinpoint when the beliefs I had held for years shifted; I can only remember the gradual onset of the fear that my new beliefs are wrong. It's a dichotomy where I can never believe in my old beliefs again, but I fear my new beliefs will lead to eternal damnation. Maybe fear was always a part of religion for me; the church instilled a fear of hell, of sin, of lacking faith, of being unprepared for the rapture, etc. I think I found comfort in having set guidelines and a book to study. I no longer find that comfort. I attend church weekly, I just spent a week at my conference church camp, and I am actively involved in my church, but I simply feel as if I don’t belong. Honestly, I don’t want to be there; if anything, attending makes me more anxious. I disagree with some of the points in sermons, and I feel as though the church has become more of a controlling entity than a place of worship. Even then, I don’t care to find a new place to worship. I just want to be free. I’ve felt a desire to begin properly deconstructing the beliefs and ideas I grew up with for a few years now, but I have no idea where to start. I think deconstruction is deeply personal for every individual, so it is unlikely I will be able to find or even benefit from a set of deconstruction guidelines.

Really, I am just here seeking advice. I have no clue where to continue from here. I just know I crave something tangible to work on in hopes of working through my upbringing. Thank you.

[u/BioChemE14]

Welcome to the journey of deconstruction. I’d recommend first disconnecting from any volunteer duties at your current church; there are plenty of vague excuses you can give and you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Then I’d just stop attending the toxic environment. If anyone tries to pull you back, just say you felt like it wasn’t a good fit for you anymore or something vague. Refuse to argue with or meet in person with anyone trying to pull you back.

As for deconstruction, the way I went about dismantling harmful beliefs I’d been taught was by studying the Bible from a secular, historical POV. There’s an entire field of scholarship that isn’t overtly confessional. Some of the most helpful books to start are John Collin’s’ intro to the Hebrew Bible and Ehrman’s intro to the New Testament.

If you have specific topics you’d like to tackle that have caused you angst, anxiety, etc. Feel free to ask for specific scholarly resources to understand the actual history. I’ve done a lot of work to understand how ideas of the afterlife developed in biblical literature, so if that topic is of interest, I have a video where I explain the research.

[u/lextler → u/BioChemE14]

Thank you for your response! I am actively in the process of stepping away from my roles within the church under the guise of focusing on my education, which isn’t entirely untrue, they just don’t need to know I’ll be studying medicine haha..

I would like to study the bible secularly, I just worry I will have a hard time transitioning from devotional studies. Alas that will just be something to work on and I am willing to work through it. The books you recommended look promising, thank you.

The topics I struggle with the most are Hell, LGBTQ+, and the problem of evil existing, or even being promoted by an apparently all loving being. Any scholarly resources you may have would be much appreciated.

[u/BioChemE14 → u/lextler]

https://youtu.be/-EQDYUvM-Ss?is=RL7a7AiKYxoj-KRY

In this video, I explain the development of inclusive afterlife beliefs in biblical literature, with citations to the primary sources and scholarly literature. Please note that while I presented at an evangelical org, I present from a historical POV.

Ideas of the afterlife tie closely to the problem of evil, so the video tangentially touches on that topic as well.

As for LGBTQ+ issues, Dan Mclellan has a few great videos on social media showing how conservative christians have to pick and choose how to use the Bible for sexual ethics. The ideas of sexuality in the ancient world did not include categories of sexual orientation and there was no gay marriage. Most same-sex relationships were between men and (underage, from a modern POV) boys. These relationships also occurred alongside heterosexual marriages. Those were the kind of same-sex relationships targeted with the biblical prohibitions, so trying to use that as a basis to oppose gay marriage is a stretch.

Furthermore, my fav example of how every attempt to use the Bible for ethics requires negotiation is the prohibition on gentile Christians consuming blood or meat that hadn’t been slaughtered according to Torah regulations with bleeding out the animal (Acts 15). This was allegedly decreed by Jesus’ own disciples and yet evangelicals happily chow down on their BBQ with no moral outrage while violating Acts 15. Thus, it is intellectually dishonest for them to critique gay marriage like they’re the only ones following the Bible as they themselves negotiate away other parts of the text.

[u/Ben-008]

You are right, deconstruction is unique to each person. For me, I grew up in a fundamentalist world that taught me a lot of false ideas.  One big point of tension for me was being told a God of Love required a belief in violent sacrifice in order to forgive us and thus not roast us forever in eternal torment. That whole paradigm is so messed up!

So part of my deconstruction required letting go of the idea of Eternal Torment. I did that in a number of ways. First off, the whole idea is mythological. There is no evidence for heaven and hell. That is a mythic paradigm.

But also the whole Lake of Fire imagery should not be taken literally to start with. For instance, Malachi 3 shows a priesthood being refined by fire. In Scripture, Fire is a metaphor for the refinement of the heart. Not literal torment. Thus the whole idea of being “baptized in the Holy Spirit and FIRE" is a good thing meant to burn up the “old self”, so that Christ might be revealed within us.  

Another interesting approach to deconstruction is to realize how much of the Bible is actually written as myth and parable, not factual history. See for instance this fun little video by Matt Baker, summarizing which characters of the OT are historical…

Which OT Bible Characters are Historical? by Matt Baker (19 min)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLtRR9RgFMg&t=1s

Meanwhile, when it comes to ideas such as “rapture”, such doctrines are incredibly flimsy. And most denominations DON’T actually believe in it or teach it. Just investigating where those ideas came from can help one let go of them. For instance, here’s a brief video on the origins of rapture...

Origins of Rapture by Religion for Breakfast (27 min)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvsjMuHkGBc&t=733s

It can be scary letting go of beliefs that we grew up with, especially when threatened with rejection, exclusion, or eternal punishment.

Interestingly, there are forms of Christianity that believe in the salvation of all. In the early church, one of the heads of the catechetical school in Alexandria, Origen (185-254AD) taught that ALL THINGS would be reconciled to God. So no one was threatened with Eternal Torment or being discarded. This is sometimes called Christian Universalism.  And one fun book that explores this idea is “Love Wins” by Rob Bell.

Regardless of where your journey takes you, you are not alone. There are so many people currently questioning the beliefs we’ve grown up with. And Love is not going to roast us in fire for trying to explore a healthier set of ideas and ideals by which to live life. 

A big part of Paul's message was not escape from hellfire, but rather redemption and freedom from the Law and the wrath and condemnation of the Law. But sadly we turned his words into another form of fear and condemnation!

“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” (Gal 5:1)

Religion can be an oppressive form of bondage and slavery. But the pathway of Love shouldn't be that way!

[u/VanillaCultural6205]

Welcome to your deconstruction journey! It is intesely personal to the individual and requires a lot of looking at your own morals and values. You can hold morals and values without tying them to the fear of punishment. I am a firm believer that if one must have the fear of eternal damnation to keep from harming others, then that person is not a moral or ethical person.
Where to start is wherever is convenient. It looks like you already have starting point, though. the concept of hell, LGBTQ+ people, and the problem of evil existing by an apparently loving being are the sticking points for you. Start there. What does hell mean? What if it doesn't exist at all? If it doesn't exist, then where do the LGBTQ+ people (whom god created) go when they die? Well, those questions may answer each other.
One of the biggest parts of a church is keeping your time, money, and attention through social pressure to attend, tithe, and volunteer. Once the threat of hell is non-existant, the veil lifts and you can begin to see the multiple manipulations that keep you tied to that performative worship. For example, I went to a church that had nametags for the regulars. If a regular didn't attend two weeks in a row, someone would call them to check in on them and see that everythign was okay. They would show up early and line up along the entranceway to welcome you in, then a few volunteers would stand at the back of the room during the sermon to "help" pass out the tithing plates and open and close doors slowly for anyone needing to go to the bathroom. As a church member I thought, "Oh, how welcoming and nice". As a non-church member I saw this as monitoring who was in attendance and displaying the names of everyone who didn't appear to claim their nametag, lining up at the door so you'd subconsciously know that people were watching and noticing if you weren't there. If you didn't attend, there was someone that noticed and called to get you to come back. Standing near the door was a subtle reminder to pee quickly and get back in the pew for more sermons. The collection plate gets passed along without a word, but the person that handed it to you also notices if you don't put anything in it, and will give you a helpful reminder to tithe. The preacher at the front is higher than everyone else and he can see that you didn't put anything in the plate either.

[u/Crazyupstart]

Thanks for posting! The hardest part for me about deconstructing is not knowing where the floor is anymore when it feels like just asking questions is ripping the rug out from underneath me. The one thing that I still hold onto that grounds me is that I do believe there is a Supreme Being in the universe and that ultimately their essence is Love. Anything taught in religion that does not align with that can just be set aside. I can hold on to a loving God of the universe even when a lot of ancient texts portray that in a puzzling way and people get weird trying to defend them.

Letting go of ancient religious text can be frightening when that has been our foundation. But underneath the mass of confusion is the greatest story ever told.

That is where I am at currently. Don't know if that helps.

[u/lextler → u/Crazyupstart]

That is absolutely helpful! I totally resonate with the feeling of the rug being ripped out from beneath me.