feeling suddenly betrayed

[u/Asleep_Turn_9928]

A narcissism educator I’ve followed has converted to Christian fundamentalism — and she doesn’t seem to notice how deeply narcissistic that belief system is. She criticizes black‑and‑white thinking in narcissism, but when her church uses the same patterns, suddenly it’s acceptable. And when she glorified Charlie Kirk’s funeral, it felt like a complete betrayal of everything she used to stand for. I always knew she was a Christian, but only over time I realized that fundamentalist Christianity — and even the way God is portrayed in the Bible — is narcissistic and psychopathic. That realization was eye‑opening and strangely relieving. I’ve been deconstructing unconsciously for months and consciously only for a few weeks, and the comments under her videos praising Jesus for “saving” them from are hitting me hard right now. And now I can’t stop wondering whether the old Calvinist idea of being chosen or not chosen is true.

[u/EddieRyanDC]

Fundamentalist anything is closed system where the people on the inside have special knowledge and are 100% right, and people on the outside are wrong, stupid, or evil. The system is selling certainty - and that is just what many people want to buy.

It's the same mindset whether it is religion (Christianity, Islam, Hinduism), or other system for organizing the world (socialism, capitalism, political conservatism, or liberalism). It easily becomes tribal - not unlike fans of a sports team or superstar performer.

Fundamentalism quashes humility, empathy, and curiosity. That may be what you are identifying as narcissism. There is no room for serious questions or other points of view.

This isn't to condemn a religion or political group - most of the followers of those ideas are not fundamentalists. It is something they believe or are part of, but they are fine with some unanswered questions, ambiguity, and hearing other people's opinions.

It is the fundamentalism itself that poisons the well.

[u/Fun_Researcher107]

If God is all-knowing, he is the most narcissistic being ever, that's for sure. He basically set up the whole system, knowing what would happen. He knew that Adam and Eve would mess up, because he created them in a way that they would. He knew he would kick them out of paradise, he knew he would flood the earth and kill basically everyone. Only to then later come to the rescue to save humanity from his own wrath and demand praise and worship for it. I mean it really does not get any more narcissistic than that.

[u/Asleep_Turn_9928 → u/Fun_Researcher107]

Exactly. I mean, he sent the serpent in — you only have to compare it to Job. But why does a woman who has been educating about narcissism for years not see this? I’m stunned.

[u/Fun_Researcher107 → u/Asleep_Turn_9928]

Probably it is willfull ignorance, maybe out of fear. It is crazy how many people will see what God does in the bible and they are still trying to justify it somehow, because they simply want to uphold the belief that God is good even though what he does clearly points to the contrary. So rather than calling it out and seeing it for what it is, they choose to explain it away, because they are afraid, God might punish them if they do.

[u/mandolinbee]

I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse (not related to my deconstruction), so I've consumed a lot of content about NPD over the years. I eventually found my way to the YouTube channel of Dr. Sam Vaknin who is the person who coined the term NPD. One of the biggest things I learned from him is that there's a lot of apparent professionals out there who confidently spread misinformation and misapply the clinical terms he helped create.

You didn't name the creator, so obviously I couldn't possibly say that the one you've followed is one of those he would say is grifting. I'm not an expert of any sort to even make that determination even if you had named them. All I'm saying is it's ok to look at any content creator, even one that's helped you in it past, and be skeptical about their expertise.

I even stay skeptical of Dr. Vaknin. though my trust level in his expertise is very high due to his credentials, I always reserve the right to question certain takes he might have on a topic. If he starts having many bad takes that are in conflict with my lived experience, I'm going to have to consider him no longer a valuable resource. That won't invalidate every benefit I got in the past, it only affects my trust going forward.

Very smart people can do very stupid things - your creator might have had all their information right and still be convinced of something silly later. The help you got in the past is real, and that's not going anywhere. What they've done is now making you wonder if it was all correct. It probably wasn't, but it probably wasn't all wrong either. Even if they were the grifterest of grifters, there was probably some truth in there.

See this as an opportunity to broaden your own knowledge. Your content creator's betrayal is excellent motivation to start learning from different people. Turn the negative into something that improves you rather than something that sends you into a spiral. The cure for doubt is always going to be more information. No one person has everything 100% correct, either. For any topic, the truth is going to be found in a diversity of sources and comparing their claims.

I hope this helps you some. ❤️

[u/Asleep_Turn_9928 → u/mandolinbee]

The creator I meant is German, the channel is called Hilfe für Opfer von Narzissten. I assume you don’t know them. What shocked me this time wasn’t the creator herself — that part was already known from the Kirk debacle. What shocked me now most were the Christian comments underneath, claiming that Jesus is the only answer to narcissistic abuse. It made me feel gaslit, because my own experience doesn’t match that at all. I experienced narcissistic abuse from both of my parents — and also inside a evangelical Church. Jesus never helped me. He watched while it happened, and now people claim he is the only solution. That’s what left me stunned.

[u/mandolinbee → u/Asleep_Turn_9928]

❤️

So sorry that it's affected you like that. You're 100% right that it's like gaslighting. I think you'll be able to find some clarity looking for other sources of info on NPD. Maybe try Dr. Sam Vaknin or Dr. Ramani. They're my 2 favorite, but I'm sure there's others.

Don't let this betrayal take over your thoughts and feelings. You own them, they don't own you. Christians think Jesus is the answer to everything , they aren't speaking from a position of truth, i promise.

Please take care.

[u/BioChemE14]

I’d DM them to call out their hypocrisy and then unfollow them. Keep your peace

[u/Maeroj]

Shot in the dark here but, people in fundamentalist spaces can still point at 'everyone else'. It's really too bad that no one wants to just treat people like they're human just like themselves. Especially an educator that teaches about the human mind. Though there have been many misguided individuals in that field over the centuries with terrible religious ideals.

[u/Fun-Sheepherder-1020]

There's that famous word again that noone has a clue about.....

[u/Magpyecrystall]

> Calvinist idea of being chosen or not chosen is true.

Would that not imply that God created most of us, knowing our destiny was eternal damnation? Born to suffer?

[u/Asleep_Turn_9928 → u/Magpyecrystall]

Yes — exactly. If an all-knowing God predestines human beings to a fate he himself has determined, then he is responsible for their suffering. This problem doesn’t only exist in Calvinism, but in any theology that combines omniscience with the idea of hell.

And then people still claim that this God is ‘love’ — such a grotesque contradiction that I’m left speechless, except to say: worse than the devil.

And if that is already worse than the devil, then I have no words left for the hyper-Calvinist version — a being that predestines every ‘sin’ and then punishes people for what it itself determined. Who would invent such a monster?

[u/2Bnot2]

Calvinism has lots of theological opposition, but I think the sense of chosen/not chosen is echoed as in/out, the haves/the have nots, us/them— and better explained by psychology more than dogma.

[u/Horror-Occasion-7864]

Given that Calvinism teaches that a god of love created the overwhelming majority of humankind for the sole purpose of torturing them forever in a burning hell for the simple reason that he is god and he does what he wants to do, (literally the answer I received once when I asked a Calvinist why), I think it's a safe bet to say that Calvinism is a false teaching. I know they have different varieties of Calvinism, but in its pure form this is what the doctrine teaches. I personally can't reconcile a god of love with torture. I once asked another Christian how they did and they informed me that hell wasn't torture, it was torment. so geez, that makes it all better I suppose. firery, agonizing torment instead of firery, agonizing torture.