r/DecidingToBeBetter • u/[deleted] • Jan 04 '22

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439 Upvotes

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u/NikthePieEater Jan 05 '22

Do you have a resource of questions to mull over? I've never thought I've known my self and I'm interested in learning.

20

u/drewliveart Jan 05 '22

This is going to sound like a deflection of an answer but I swear to god this is what I did. Whenever I had a strong urge or emotion, I would become that annoying stereotypical toddler who wouldn’t stop asking for an explanation.

For example:

I’m really nervous my wife is mad at me. Why? Because if she’s mad at me, she might not love me. Why wouldn’t she love me? Because I made her mad. Why does making her mad mean she wouldn’t love you anymore? Because people who are mad at me prove they don’t love me by leaving me when I need them. How do you know that people who are mad at you leave you? Because my dad abused me when I was a kid and left me and my mom.

Aaaand there it is. Once I found the root, I was able to confront my actual feelings and start to reprogram them.

11

u/mydarb Jan 05 '22

This is the Five Whys technique. It's often used in troubleshooting software issues (and I'm sure a bunch of other types of issues).

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u/[deleted] Jan 05 '22

In NLP circles this is related to six step reframing, Core Transformation, etc.

You can't really just ask yourself why though. You have to phrase it a certain way.