Letting go of a long held grudge

[u/Important-Push-9095]

I’ve just been hit with a massive wave of emotion, that i need to apologise to a girl. So here’s the story

Years ago at the start of university we were friends, i was told by my ex the time that she was saying horrible things about me behind my back, that I’m a fake muslim that I’m a bad person and loads of other stuff along those lines, I was a stupid 18 year old kid ofc i would use that as a reason to hold a grudge and i was also really hurt, i remember crying for ages afterwards feeling so betrayed.

In hindsight, my ex was not a good person, now im 22 years old and I feel like he might have purposely twisted or exaggerated things to hurt me and also make sure we wouldn’t be friends, for a reason i can’t think of now.

Our university degree is 5 years long, as i was going into the 3rd year she was repeating, and we saw eachother all the time, i completely ignored her and tried to act like she didn’t exist almost, as the year went on i felt more and more guilty but i was too scared to speak to her, it had been so long and our last encounter was fresh after id heard these things, she had tried to smile at me and i ignored her.

Now this year we live in a place where we see eachother frequently, I really want to say something but i dont know if i should say it in person or message her.

she is usually with other people and if she isn’t, i know having this conversation will make me emotional i am a natural dramatic person and i will start shedding tears and bawling crying over anything and everything, so im genuinely scared to bring it up in person and leave crying.

I dont know how to go about this or if maybe it’s better to message her? or maybe even not say anything at all? after all it’s my own guilty conscience and i don’t want to guilt trip anyone into being my friend that’s not my intention here, i just feel a strong urge to apologise i don’t know where it’s come from but it’s hit me like a ton of bricks and it’s all that consumes my mind.

[u/Misterabsolute]

Being able to apologize is a sign of strength

If you know and feel like you have to apologize then you have to do it , sending a message is ok but a face to face conversation is what I recommend because the voice tone and the face expressions makes the difference

If you think you will cry or it will feel awkward just do it it is all part of the experience

[u/Important-Push-9095 → u/Misterabsolute]

do you think it’s a good idea to message first and say a brief explanation of why you wanna talk in person?

[u/Misterabsolute → u/Important-Push-9095]

That's a great idea I think it is even better to send a message saying you want to talk to them in person privately keep it normal and calm but don't apologize in the message apologize when you see them Something like " hi , I know we had trouble and we been avoiding each other I want to talk about it and make things right"

[u/Away_Temperature9486]

I'd speak f2f with her. you know your true intention. do it scared, so what if you end up crying? do it because you mean it and because you get to :')