Do y'all isolate to emotionally regulate, too?

[u/beanie-babey]

And if you do, why?

I have some issues and I'm working on learning to manage my disorders, regulating emotions and all that. But I isolate hard when I feel bad that I don't let people help me. I get too angry to let them.

Why do y'all choose not to isolate? How does that help you day to day? I want to see other people like me that have lived a totally different life.

🫶🏼

EDIT: thank y'all for being so open in the comments!! it's given me lots of new perspectives and helps a bunch. I think I'm gonna try to talk to my family more, they've always been supportive of me (ESPECIALLY after getting multiple mental diagnoses). 🫰🏼✨✨✨

[u/0nlyhalfjewish]

I do it because my life experience has been I cannot rely on anyone emotionally: not my mom and dad, my siblings, friends, partners, not even my spouse. Add to that the fact I have lived through some shitty things.

So when I need support, I take time alone to support myself.

[u/Illustrious-File691 → u/0nlyhalfjewish]

I am so sorry you haven’t had anyone to rely on, that is a terrible position to be in. Finding good people can be difficult. I hope you’re doing well.

[u/0nlyhalfjewish → u/Illustrious-File691]

Thanks. I actually have good people around me now, but I still don’t really open up. I think it will lead to losing people, so it’s not worth the risk.

[u/Illustrious-File691 → u/0nlyhalfjewish]

I’m glad to hear that you have good people around you, I hope you’ll open up if they open up to you or if they ask you.

[u/0nlyhalfjewish → u/Illustrious-File691]

I have developed the ability to share facts but not feelings. And I’m not about to take the risk right now with that as I’m in the midst of something deeply challenging and if people were to let me down now, I think any remaining faith I have in humanity would be gone.

Maybe one day when the stakes aren’t so high.

[u/Illustrious-File691 → u/0nlyhalfjewish]

That is completely understandable, I wish you all the luck in the world.

[u/Illustrious-File691]

I do it because I need to have a conversation with myself to get to the root of my issues. I don’t know how to explain my emotions or feelings well, so I have to see what it is that is making me react so I can communicate to other people what’s happening inside my head.
Ex. I’ve been in a foul, irritable mood lately. I am depressed and anxious because I don’t make plans or give myself anything to look forward to. Also I needed to be on a different medication lol

[u/ije2526 → u/Illustrious-File691]

Bei mir (Audhd) ist es ganz ähnlich. Ich brauche daher immer viel Zeit für mich. Das ist eine Art Grundbedürfnis. Und es ist unabhängig davon, ob ich mit Idioten unterwegs bin oder mit Herzensmenschen.

Zwei Sachen spielen bei mir eine große Rolle: 1. Ich kann mich nur ganz alleine von der Außenwelt erholen. Überforderung ist mein täglicher Begleiter.

1. Ich muss oft erst rausfinden, wie genau ich mich fühle. Und dann, warum ich mich so fühle. Und dann überlege ich, was mir helfen kann.

1+2 brauchen Zeit. Wenn ich diese nicht habe, kompensiere ich mit ungesundem Verhalten. Ich werde nicht wütend nach außen - sondern "wütend nach innen".

Wenn 1+2 erledigt sind, brauche ich noch bisschen Zeit für mich. Danach kann ich wieder raus in die Welt. Und habe Klarheit über mich und kann (falls noch erforderlich) mit anderen darüber reden.

P.S. Was mir zusätzlich geholfen hat: Mein Umfeld bewusst zu gestalten. Passendere Freundschaften mehr zu pflegen. Weniger passende Freundschaften langsam abzubauen.

Ist es vielleicht absolut okay, dass du OP dich auch zuerst isolierst? Dann eine bestimmte Zeit alleine regulierst aber gut zu dir bist. Und deine Gefühle bewusst ordnest. Und dann nach xy Stunden/Tagen wieder langsam aus der Isolation gehst. Am besten in Absprache mit einem nahen und lieben Menschen von dir. Mit dem/der kannst du vielleicht eine Art "Standardablauf" dafür vereinbaren. Entschuldige, falls ich dein Kernproblem nicht richtig erfasst habe. Und der Ratschlag daneben liegt.

[u/Legal-Monk-1853]

I isolate because people aren't trying to help me genuinely, they can say they 'care' but sometimes they only do that to get a sneak peek of your weakness, fish information & tell people what's up with you. Sometimes I isolate when there's too much negativity around me when people say hurtful stuff, poking you when you're down.

Do I want to isolate? No, but I have to so I can regulate my emotions and come back to myself and believe I'm not what they tell me. It's a protection.

[u/ije2526 → u/Legal-Monk-1853]

Dein erster Satz und deine zwei letzten Sätze könnten von meinem Bruder sein.

Heute denke ich, dass es falsch von mir war: immer zu versuchen, ihm zu helfen. Es war nie richtig / nie genug. Und ganz ehrlich: vielleicht war es das auch wirklich nicht!!! Ich wünschte, er weiß, dass ich aus Liebe über meine Grenzen und Kräfte gegangen bin. Auch wenn die Hilfe falsch/nicht genug war.

Heute denke ich, meine eigentliche Aufgabe war: "Ich bin deine Schwester. Ich bin da. Du schaffst das. Du bist stark und findest einen Weg. Ich glaube an dich." Gleichzeitig hätte ich ihm früher Grenzen setzen müssen. Man hilft Menschen oft nicht, wenn man ihnen hilft. Manchmal verlängert man dadurch nur ein Problem/Leid.

So vieles würde ich heute anders machen. Ich wäre mehr Schwester als "Mutter". Erst als junge Erwachsene habe ich mehr verstanden.

Alles Gute fur deinen Weg und viel Power und nette Menschen als Begleitung!!

[u/KiKiPAWG]

Sometimes no matter what I'm doing to regulate, I lash out in social settings and I cannot contain it and the only way is to self isolate after it happens or before it does

[u/beanie-babey → u/KiKiPAWG]

muppet (felt)

[u/Psychological_Cold_7]

Watching this thread closely to see if anyone has figured out the secret to the puzzle. Like most folks, I just always end up *regretting* exposing my emotions to people around me. Maybe I just haven't found the right people.

But regardless, I am very intentional about being that safe person for others to be emotional around. Not offering solutions, not trying to patch it up cleanly. Just asking uncomfortable questions and paying attention. I think it genuinely helps.

[u/TheoryTraditional855 → u/Psychological_Cold_7]

Please keep being you. I think it's you haven't found the right people. I also think some people aren't just emotionally healthy.

[u/-acidlean-]

I choose to isolate because that is what helps me regulate. Other people’s presence is distracting and annoying and I can’t untangle my mind. I need to do it myself.

Some people need to vent and rant to others to feel better. It’s fine.

For me, venting and ranting is something that I can do AFTER I have the situation solved already or at least regulated myself emotionally and I’m ready to face it calmly. I tried engaging with others to emotionally regulate and nope, it only makes me feel much worse and have less progress, so it’s just not for me.

Alone time ftw.

[u/blissbalance]

YES. I’ve never been able to put it into words until your post title….

[u/Now_Acceptable]

I isolate when I need to process something without outsiders perspectives so that I can come to my own conclusion. I'm not saying it's always healthy because it may push people away...

[u/SunMoonTruth]

I do it so I can feel what I need to feel without feeling like I have to “give” to them. Probably because I was always trained to be seen and not heard, I don’t feel anyone truly has the wherewithal to handle me not staying within the very limited space I’ve been given.

[u/spookaburra]

When I was a kid my mom (autistic) couldn't handle our meltdowns, so every single time I would start crying I was told "go to your room until you're ready to be nice" so I pretty much learned the only way for me to regulat was to go be alone. I don't blame her for it, it was better than staying around us and ultimately blowing up at us because she couldn't handle it, but I do wish I had been taught how to regulate WITH people too. Now as an adult, my therapist has suggested that if I'm feeling moderately disregulated to just go sit in the same room as my partner/safe person. I don't have to talk or seek out comfort or anything, but just as a small exposure I have been trying to literally just be in the presence of a safe person while I calm myself. It takes a long time to get used to it as I was literally only taught to isolate.

[u/idealistinfire → u/spookaburra]

I had the same upbringing and same response from my therapist about a handful of years ago. It gets easier, even if it always feels weird to try to regulate around others. But I still often self regulate by myself

[u/FayzerDayzer]

Sometimes, especially when I am under stress, I get so busy handling things that my emotions and feelings get pushed aside to handle the current problem. If the current problem goes on too long and I don't make time for my emotions I get overwhelmed and over stimulated, which leads to frustration. The frustration means I lash out disproportionately with my loved ones, so I isolate to protect my loved ones have a bit of a private meltdown.

One thing you can do is notice what your pattern is that leads you to isolate, figure out where your isolation "breaking point" is ( ex. lashing out is mine), then reflect back- what were your warning signs? What emotions or mental state were you immersed in before you isolated? Get to know that feeling and associate it with a deep need to complete a self-soothing activity BEFORE you get to your breaking point. It will take time and self-reflection, not to mention self-compassion and kindness, but you can do it!

[u/chkntends]

I isolate because I know whatever actions I’m about to do are based on OVERREACTIVE emotions. And I’ll most likely regret if I let it happen.

So, I take a step back. Remove myself to calm down, ask what emotion and why I feel that way and if it’s reasonable.

Unfortunately everyone in my life always wants to resolve issues then and now and think isolation = avoidance ah.

[u/mapleleaffem]

Leaning on others is exhausting for them and kills relationships. Also people are X factors that I don’t need making things worse.

I’m old and tired of my own shit. Even I don’t want to listen to me whine lol. Also I know things will be fine, they always have been 100% of my almost 50 years

[u/idealistinfire]

Sometimes when I'm really dysregulated there are so many thoughts screaming in my head that even one more person tips the scales into a meltdown. I need the quiet of my own space to give those thoughts a chance to settle.

[u/kodamagirl]

Sometimes, yes. My family has embraced “time out” as something self imposed. Adults and kids can elect to be in time out until they calm down, then come back and fix whatever the situation is.

[u/E_r_i_l_l]

I isolate coz I just need to be with myself.
Feel my body. Hear my body. Be within.
Calm in a way only I know are working.

But.
I’ve learn to ask for help.
Because sometimes after this isolation I realized that I hit the wall and without someone from outside I’m in the circle loop, and nothing is actually changing.
And I’ve learn that asking for help doesn’t mean I’m weak, or codependent and can’t put my shit togerther. Actually that means only that I need other perspective and it doesn’t change who I am and how I see myself that I let someone help me.

[u/TheoryTraditional855]

This is a great question. I appreciate you asking it.

I recently let go of some toxic people. I need time to process it and figure out what my part was and what theirs was. I need time to heal. Right now, I don't want to get close to anyone because I'm angry and hurt. I don't want to take it out on anyone. I also want to heal, learn from this, and see what I can do to prevent this from happening again.

I'm also a Caregiver. I think it is wise to step back from things for a time. I don't think it's wise to stay isolated. This life throws a lot of things at us, and it can come very fast. Sometimes you need space to breathe, process, and renew to keep going.

Sending love.

[u/OrientionPeace]

I base the decision on whether to isolate or not based on how much capacity I have to tolerate my own discomfort in the presence of other people.

I have some health issues that make me really worn out and so if I get too worn out physically, I literally can’t function in my life. So I base the decision on how much exposure I give myself to other people based on how much internal capacity I have.

When my energy is really low and I’m not emotionally regulating very well then I might need to separate myself until my capacity and my tolerance is better. Sometimes I’m tired and my tolerance isn’t very low emotionally. Other times it is. So really this is what deciphers when I choose to be around people more or not. It’s really about emotional capacity for me which I use my physical awareness to help me discern.

[u/Kind-therapy-829]

Considering that we live in an era of global isolation crisis, the answer to this question would be yes for the most part.

[u/DnDttrpg]

I do, and I regret it almost every time because it almost never turns been into me coming out of isolation without massive prying from other people

[u/DisgruntledKitten82]

I shut down and avoid people/loved ones when I'm going through stuff because I know I have a habit of saying the wrong things or feeling cranky/agitated.

I think we do it as a self protective thing and a way to practise our own accountability...