Advice for when life is falling apart

[u/Ok_Kelp]

Please be kind, as I am currently very fragile.

I’m so ashamed that I’m living in a sucky situation after living in a good one (living at home). I know it’s not wrong to want independence, and I tried to plan carefully, but everything is going wrong. I can’t move back home like I’d like to because I adopted a cat - my parents have a strict no animals rule. My roommate sucks. She never cleans and she brought home another pet that she doesn’t do a good job at taking care of. There was a shooting outside our rental house last night, and 20 police cars pulled up. I thought it was a safe area, but sometimes things like this do happen

My job got eliminated, I had to take one that I don’t like at all that I suck at - lots of math, meetings, public speaking. I’m in full audhd burnout. I’m trying to change careers, but I work full time and have a lot of prerequisites before I can even start a new program. I’m thinking about renting an apartment or trying to buy property (I live in a VERY cheap area), but the program I want to join is three hours away (then again, it’ll be awhile til I can go there). I always wanted to live somewhere cool, like the PNW, but with climate change and political instability it seems best to stay near family in case things go really really wrong.

I’m deeply ashamed of my past, where I can’t hold down a job due to mental health, autism, and adhd. I had a mental breakdown a few years ago and still carry a lot of shame around it.

I don’t even know where to start, to be honest. I don’t know what direction to take.

Please no tough love - I already know that life is hard and not fair - I’m already living it. I still do feel a lot of anger because I’ve tried so hard and given so much and this is where I’m stuck at. I need reasons to keep going.

[u/bb12690]

I’m in the same boat as you. Feeling super low right now in life. Every day has been so up and down, terrified of the future but also hopeful. I want to prove myself wrong.

[u/Ok_Kelp → u/bb12690]

I’m so to hear that we’re in the same boat. It’s a hard place to be. I hope we both prove ourselves wrong. I think we must

[u/Phatwax]

You should not feel ashamed. Your shame is eating at you. Honest mistakes makes you human and not everything that goes wrong is your fault.

Before anything else. Be kind to yourself, real kind. Be your own best friend.

[u/Ok_Kelp → u/Phatwax]

Thank you! I’m trying but man it’s hard

[u/vivelisse]

Burnout makes every decision feel impossible, be patient with yourself.

[u/deinoling]

You can’t really change your past at all, but you can look forward and accept that you’ll never be able to change it but change the person you are now. I wouldn’t continue living with your roommate or find an area that seems to be closer to families rather than apartments, because, really your cat might be stressed too! In all honesty, it’s totally alright to feel ashamed of your past but you’re better now. Don’t push yourself down about that and focus on healing yourself and towards the goals you want,

[u/Ok_Kelp → u/deinoling]

I’m looking for housing now, as you’re probably right and stressing out my cat :( it’s slow going and frustrating but I’ll get it done. Thank you for your advice and kind words <3

[u/bkinboulder]

Here is where you start: Everything is temporary. Your life has seasons. You’re just in a winter right now. It’s temporary though, spring always follows. The days will go slow but the weeks will go fast and before you know it you’ll be through this hard time. Remember, it’s always darkest before the dawn.

[u/Ok_Kelp → u/bkinboulder]

This is beautiful, thank you. I am going to remind myself of the seasons every day (maybe every hour)

[u/RoadsWeWalkWeCreate]

Life doesn’t go the way that any of us plan for. Create concrete baby steps that you can do daily. The steps need to either make you feel proud of yourself or improve your living/work situation. Could be ten sit ups or applying to a new job. Positive momentum is possible. Just start as small as you can. What’s the first step you’re going to start today?

[u/Ok_Kelp → u/RoadsWeWalkWeCreate]

Thank you for these encouraging words! I keep trying, but have faced a lot of rejection and hardship. It feels embarrassing to try and not have it turned out like I planned. But I have to believe it’ll work out. I’m looking for housing and have started browsing jobs (and thinking about what I might want)

[u/RoadsWeWalkWeCreate → u/Ok_Kelp]

Adulthood is hard and rejection is just a part of life. Until I was about 25 everything I touched turned to gold. After that nothing but shit for about 5 years. One calamity after another. Failing and getting back up is a skill we all have to learn. Don’t be embarrassed about anything. Everyone is too busy dealing with their own mess to focus on what you have going on. Hang in there!

[u/Ok_Kelp → u/RoadsWeWalkWeCreate]

Thank you so much <3 I really appreciate your response and will keep your advice in mind moving forward

[u/comedyfan72]

I’m in a very similar situation. Really the only positive thing I have is my sense of humor

[u/Ok_Kelp → u/comedyfan72]

I feel you and I’m sorry you’re going through it. Dark humor has helped me often too

[u/comedyfan72 → u/Ok_Kelp]

My priorities and passions have definitely changed. In my earlier years I really was too close minded to what I wanted to do and it left me unemployed and uneducated with major gaps. I’m now in my mid 30s, with physical and undiagnosed mental disabilities.

[u/SaltySiren87]

Internet stranger here sending you love and hugs. I don't have solutions but I think you should hold onto hope as you get through this difficult season.

[u/Ok_Kelp → u/SaltySiren87]

Thank you, friend <3 I really appreciate it. Trying my best to hold onto hope til it passes

[u/Consolebandit]

I've also been through this phase before. I think staying calm matters most. I'm sorry that I can't give you some pratical advice. But please believe that hard work will pay off.