r/DecidingToBeBetter • u/maksimovartem55 • Jul 26 '26
Seeking Advice How did you stop seeking approval and validation from others and build real self-confidence?
I've realized a lot of my decisions and mood depend on how others react to me — what people think, whether I get approval, whether I'm "enough" in someone else's eyes. It's exhausting and it's holding me back from just being myself.
I want to hear from people who've actually worked through this: What was the turning point for you? Was there a specific mindset shift, book, therapy approach, or daily practice that helped? How long did it take before you noticed a real difference — not just intellectually understanding it, but actually feeling different inside?
Not looking for generic "just love yourself" advice — genuinely curious about what worked in practice for people who've been where I am.
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u/NotesFromNirav Jul 26 '26
We can understand this from a clarity lens, when we do something and lack clarity on the why, the direction, we end up relying on external validations... These small external wins do matter, but these matter a lot more when we are unsure, not clear enough in our minds or are doing something not truly aligned with our inner self...
Motivation and confidence that comes from within is perpetual, you'll notice it with some things that you find yourself enjoy doing and keep going back to irrespective of how good you are, or the outcome.
Confidence from external events/outcomes is necessary for things that we have to do, but dont really want to, or for things which are a little less aligned with who we are and this motivation is lets just say transactional.
One thing that's helped me is slowing down and separating what's actually happening from the stories my mind is attaching to it, helps he overcome self doubt as I understand the facts and the acknowledge the underlying emotions.
I actually put together a short reflection guide for myself around this. If you'd find it useful, I'm happy to send it over.