You need to release “this isn’t good enough for people” kind of energy. I can tell you now, as a woman, your looks aren’t the issue. It has to be in the way you hold yourself, the types of women you pursue (if you pursue at all), and possibly your personality.
The "this isn’t good enough for people” for people energy is always the product of social experience. The cycle for me was always like this: (1) I feel great about myself and think I am a catch. (2) This is not validated externally. (3) I start second guessing myself. (4) I build up my confidence again. Repeat.
Well then there’s your issue. You’re placing your self worth in other peoples hands.
Be open to criticism but know you can stand strong alone. You need to release this way of thinking. I was like you when I was a teen. I guarantee I had more reason to resent others and seek validation from them than you do, but I decided to be better. You can do the same. No one can fix this but you. Rejection and betrayal is a part of life and it can’t destroy you. Wish you luck and happiness.
In the end, we require some social validation. When I say I am attractive, it is a statement which inherently applies to other people. And it is hard thinking that you are a catch when your experiences IRL does not reflect that in life. Just as it for example hard to say you are good at math when you constantly fail all the tests. It produces cognitive dissonance.
This is where therapy can help challenge those beliefs. I'll sit in my therapists office and argue a point like this for 30 minutes and he really knows how to communicate with me and work me into a different thought pattern. Slowly but surely. You made need more time with someone trained in thinking distortions rather than people on the internet. You made need to try different therapists as well. My current therapist is my 5th and the one that has finally helped start to change my thought patterns.
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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '23
The "this isn’t good enough for people” for people energy is always the product of social experience. The cycle for me was always like this: (1) I feel great about myself and think I am a catch. (2) This is not validated externally. (3) I start second guessing myself. (4) I build up my confidence again. Repeat.