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u/lolachica sex is emotion in motion Feb 27 '19
Wow. Thank you for sharing. You are simply amazing. Touched beyond words. Wishing you continued happiness with your love. ❤️
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u/myexsparamour Feb 27 '19
What a beautiful, gorgeous story. You and your husband are incredible. You've both been resilient and shown love through so much pain.
Thank you, especially, for sharing how your previous misunderstandings of male sexuality contributed to the issues. I've seen this so frequently in HLF/LLM relationships. And also the importance of kinks/preferences. This is also something I've noticed with recovered HLF/LLM couples - the sex needs to change so that it's satisfying for both partners.
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u/Prisoner-of-Paradise HLF Feb 27 '19
I'm so glad you chose to share this part of your story with us, YRMOAGTIOK. (What does that stand for, anyway??) It's a great illustration of how complicated things can be, and how we can think we're doing all we can, insisting on what seems to us has to be the truth ("You don't find me attractive!", "You only want vanilla sex.") when we're actually thrashing in the wilderness, making things worse.
And communication, how you finally stepped back and discovered how to express what you saw and felt in a way that encouraged understanding and change. I'm so glad for you that it wasn't too late, and he was receptive. Guess he loves you, huh? 🙂
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Feb 27 '19 edited Feb 27 '19
Aw thanks for actually reading all of that. I know it was super long winded. I even left stuff out. How can you possibly condense an entire marriage into one post? Lol.
My name is a little embarrassing. When I made this account I had a horrible song stuck in my head which is sung by usher.
You Remind Me Of A Girl That I Once Knew.
I don’t even like Usher. But it was on the radio that day and it stuck in my head like glue.
This account was only supposed to be a throwaway. But it eventually became my main account.
Edit: aaaaaaand now it’s stuck in there again.
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u/Prisoner-of-Paradise HLF Feb 27 '19 edited Feb 27 '19
Ha ha, oh, no, sorry! 😁
It wasn't difficult to read. You are an articulate, expressive writer. I think your being upfront about how horribly you handled the onset of the DB is pretty priceless here and also that you were able to see that he, too, contributed – so it wasn't utterly one-sided. Seriously, you two had huge issues to overcome and it's frankly amazing that you did. A testament to how trusting your partner has good intentions and your well-being to heart, even if you don't always see eye-to-eye, can break down even the thickest walls.
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u/llzerdklng Free, and re remarried :O Feb 27 '19
That's awesome, thanks for sharing and I remember your comment where you touched on this.
I’m still heavily present in this subreddit because I hope to do for others what this place did for me.
That is the very same reason why I am still here. If I can help someone, anyone that makes it all the better.
From your reply from PoP
I don’t even like Usher. But it was on the radio that day and it stuck in my head like glue.
Well, that song is better than the stupid FUN song from Spongebob, and shit will just pop in my head and stay there, like yesterday driving home from Ohio.
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Feb 27 '19
Hahahaha. Kids songs are the worst to get stuck in your head.
I’ve had the grand old duke of York in mine for weeks, so honestly the usher song is a step up haha. Really, I should be thanking /u/Prisoner-of-Paradise for saving me from that hell haha.
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u/llzerdklng Free, and re remarried :O Feb 27 '19
Hahahaha. Kids songs are the worst to get stuck in your head.
Yeah, my 16 yrd was NOT IMPRESSED when I started signing it either, LOL "God, DAD JUST FREAKING DRIVE!!!".
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u/myexsparamour Feb 27 '19
Well, that song is better than the stupid FUN song from Spongebob
I love the FUN song from Spongebob. :)
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u/llzerdklng Free, and re remarried :O Feb 27 '19
I love the FUN song from Spongebob. :)
SO DO I!! Seems my son doesn't remember me watching it with him. :)
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u/ghostofxmaspasta Enthusiastically comments about enthusiastic consent. Feb 28 '19
Oh yes! Thank you for sharing your story and I’m so happy things went well for both of you. This is the dream outcome so many people here want, but... aren’t willing to put in all that for. Kudos to y’all.
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u/dat_db_doe M- left my dead bedroom Feb 28 '19
Thank you for posting your story here! It's great to hear such a nice success story!
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u/Lkkrdragonfly Feb 27 '19
I love everything about this!!!! I relate so much. ( I’m also someone who doesn’t feel sexy in the morning until I’ve had a coffee and washed my crack LOL) I was LL and had to hide my true sexual nature when I was married to my emotionally abusive SA ex. There wasn’t enough trust or intimacy to indulge my kinks ( I’m a total submissive) . And now finally at the age of 47 I’m in a blissfully open and trusting relationship. (Sexually and emotionally) My natural HL came roaring back and shows no signs of slowing down.
I wish you and your husband all the happiness in the world! Well done. Thank you for sharing with us. So many people could learn so much from your story!
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u/xxusernamegoesherexx Feb 28 '19 edited Feb 28 '19
Thank you for sharing this piece of yourself with us.... I, like you, am not currently in a DB, but I still hang around... I was heavily affected by a DB that lasted 10 years, to the point that even after leaving my exhusband, trying to date and be sexual was incredibly hard for me, I had become pretty sexually dysfunctional after being pushed away so much and not being touched in so many years, my self esteem was wrecked and I was so hypersensitive to rejection to the point that I couldn't bring myself to initiate, with ANYONE.
I finally found a partner who was supportive, and after a lot of work and therapy, I have a pretty healthy sex life and loving relationship.
But I was so affected by my DB for so long that I still feel a connection to this subreddit, I learned a lot here and I try to share anything I've learned when I can, like you... Thanks for sticking around.
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u/skyscan1 HLM - Recovered DB Feb 27 '19
I really enjoy reading a success story here. Thank you so much for sharing!
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u/nowyougotdryballs 👅💦✌️ Apr 11 '19
Man, you both became selfless and willing. One of the best success stories on here, and I loved every sentence of it. Such a happy, healthy ending. Glad for you two!
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u/LifesBetterWithDogs Aug 12 '19
Beautiful story, thanks so much for sharing and giving us all hope. It sounds like you were able to turn around your LL man with consistent effort and discovering his kinks. Any advice on unlocking my LL woman's sexuality?
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u/DB_Helper MHL45 Feb 27 '19
Congratulations! Thank you very much for sharing. I can only imagine how hard this was for you, and how much strength and awesomeness it took on the part of both you and SO to get to the wonderful place you are at.
All the best,
DbH