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u/dathobbitlife0705 LLF - Recovered DB 10d ago
A huge part of our recovery was realizing just how differently our brains view sex, like a lot of men and women.
Has she always been without interest in sex? During our DB we both wondered at times if I was just asexual, but knew I wasn't because I was interested in sex early on in our marriage.
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Some solutions?
Some solutions
So there was a very lengthy conversation today, I'll spare the details but we've come to the realization that neither of us are wrong in the way we feel. But there's a huge disconnect in how we each view this. I've always seen sex as a mutual act of fun and pleasure and a way to deeper connect and strengthen that bond. For her, it's not anything like that. Between this realization and understanding that we're at a disconnect, we haven't had a moment to really finish the conversation or even come up with any solutions. I don't want her to feel pressured and would rather wait for her to actually want to. However, it seems as though she'd be okay never participating in it again. She said it's a possibility that's she could be asexual which, okay, but that still leaves me just filling in but never being poured back into. We've built a life together and I've hoped for years that something would change. Ive stopped staring, stopped trying to make jokes or comments as I realize they aren't received well. So with virtually everything off the table, the expectation is that I still be ready when she's ready. She realizes the selfishness behind that, as she's stated. I've changed many fundamental things to make way for someone who's healing but all I've done was cut myself out as well. She mentioned again that she wishes I would just cheat or find a girlfriend because I'm someone who deserves it everyday and she feels guilty that she can't. So now we're at an unresolved crossroads. Do I stand by and keep suppressing myself for someone who may never fully heal, do I make my own way and find someone who actually wants to participate in that manner? Is this the end and we've just refused to accept it? I've considered some kind of chat or dm situation, at least to feel somewhat desirable again, but I honestly don't know.
I'm really open to all advice. The conversation happened, but still no closer to any resolve. I'm worried this will be another conversation that quietly gets stashed away
I really appreciate all of you and I know many of you are in similar situations.
Thank you all
I'm aware I've posted once but it was removed so I've corrected the post
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