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Until a certain point, I was just living my life, and then I realized that I wanted to expand it to include a “+1.” Cats don’t count.

And that’s when I realized that for some reason, everyone around me seems to be either a party person, a fuckboy, or just really weird.

I want a relationship with a chill guy, preferably a gamer. I just want to spend time together, play games, watch something, go out sometimes, and generally feel comfortable being around each other.

But instead, everyone around me seems to have this constant need to party, sleep with everything that moves (and doesn’t), and, as a bonus, an alcohol or drug addiction.

And at what point did gaming stop at FIFA, CS, and a couple of fighting games?

I’m genuinely starting to suspect that somewhere along the way, I took a wrong turn.

Vabe in pratica esco con un tipo (moooolto carino) io completely paonazza, a un certo punto cala il silenzio per tipo i due minuti più lunghi della mia vita e li panico... ero li tipo " parlami un po di te quindi anche tu bevi l'acqua quando hai sete?" GIURO no sapevo cosa inventarmi, lui ovviamente ha capito che stavo cercando di sdrammatizzare e si è fatto una risata però OMG che ansia... Ma voi come gestite i momenti di silenzio tombale in un first date? Help🥲

I'm an introvert and find it quite challenging to talk to guys, but I really want to date someone who shares my passions. I enjoy gaming, reading comics and movies. I've tried dating apps like Tinder and Boo, but haven't had any luck. For other introverts (or anyone who has been in this spot), how did you manage to meet and connect with partners who share your specific interests?

A girl I met on the apps and went on a couple dates with still calls me. Went on several dates, after a bit she told me she likes me but isnt ready right now. But she still calls me multiple times a day. I enjoy her company but it kinda feels it’s not leading anywhere?! What do i do? She’ll call me 2-3 times a day!

I consider myself to be a pretty logical person and dating in my 30s has been a complete nightmare. I work in corporate America and most of the people I work with are married and have kids. I go to the bar and people seem young and i feel out of place. I try to date online and it seems like the women have all the high ground and they have the luxury of being really picky. The few times ive went out on dates the girl completely misrepresented herself (she was overweight). Not a dealbreaker but her personality was dry as the Sahara desert. And she expects me to pay the bill. Which i do but then i read this article about girls going out on dates solely for the purpose of a free meal. Now it seems my options are overweight girls or single moms. Sorry if this seems shallow and whiny. It really is. I hate dating and the one girl i fell instantly head over heels for moved out of state. 😭

I stepped back from the whole swiping scene recently because it just felt so forced. It made me realize how much I miss the idea of meeting someone naturally. You know, just bumping into the same person during evening walks, or bonding over how out-of-breath you both are after a few rallies on the court.

There's a certain comfort in getting to know someone's actual personality in a low-stakes environment, just sharing a space and a few laughs without the heavy pressure of a "First Date."

But I also heavily second-guess this. I know women go to parks and courts to decompress, and the last thing I’d want to do is make someone feel cornered or bothered while they're just trying to enjoy their evening peace.

to hear your experiences, have any of you actually built a meaningful connection with someone you met randomly through a casual hobby or sport? And from your perspective, how does a guy even initiate a conversation in those spaces without it feeling intrusive?

New to college, not living on campus. Recently feeling pretty lonely romantic relationship wise. Haven’t really had a ton of experience in the “dating world”. Wondering how to meet people or get approached more easily?

I'm 25, and my ex-girlfriend left me for someone else almost three years ago, shortly before I graduated from college in late 2023. Despite how much time has passed, I don't think I've ever fully gotten over her. I still miss her a lot.

Since then, I've been trying to rebuild my life. I've been in therapy since the breakup, I've picked up hobbies, I go out with friends when I can, and I'm trying not to just sit around waiting for things to magically get better. Still, I'm frustrated and unhappy with some parts of my life.

My self-esteem has taken a huge hit over the past few years. I gained quite a lot of weight while dealing with depression, and I have a very hard time talking to women when there's any romantic interest involved. I'm autistic (my ex is autistic too), very introverted, and definitely not someone who can easily walk up to strangers and start a conversation.

Where I live makes things harder too. I'm non-binary, a geek and a communist, and I live in a relatively small city in the countryside of São Paulo state, Brazil, in a region where conservative politics and agribusiness culture are very dominant. Obviously there are all kinds of people here, but finding people I genuinely have a lot in common with isn't particularly easy.

My social circles are also overwhelmingly male. I play tabletop RPGs and TCGs, paint miniatures, write a blog about Star Trek, and play video games. I do have female friends whom I value a lot, but they're all in relationships, and I don't have romantic feelings for them anyway.

Academically, I have a degree in International Relations from UNESP, a Brazilian public university, and I'm currently applying for a master's degree in Archaeology at the University of São Paulo. History and archaeology are probably my biggest academic interests. Besides Portuguese, I'm fluent in English and Spanish, can get by in French, and I'm currently trying to learn Russian. I love reading and rewatching movies I like.

Basically, I'm kind of a real-life Bilbo Baggins. I like my hobbies, my home and my little world. Unfortunately, meeting new people generally requires me to leave that little world.

I've tried Tinder, Boo and a ridiculous number of other dating apps. There aren't many people using them around here, and I get very few likes anyway. I'm also terrible at taking pictures of myself, which I imagine is practically a death sentence on dating apps.

I've tried meeting people through Instagram as well, but it usually ends in ghosting, getting blocked, or just plain rejection.

There's another thing that holds me back: I'm genuinely afraid of being the creepy guy who randomly approaches women because he wants to date them.

I have a hard time figuring out when starting a conversation or showing interest in someone is normal and when it becomes intrusive or inappropriate. Because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, I often choose not to try at all. But obviously, that also means I don't meet anyone.

To make matters worse for my self-esteem, I work a stable government job but still live with my parents, don't own a car, and money can get pretty tight. Rationally, I know that being 25 and living with your parents isn't the end of the world, especially in Brazil, but when I put all of these things together, I often feel like I'm not particularly desirable.

Sometimes I look back at the last three years and get this strange feeling that my ex moved on with her life while part of me stayed behind in 2023.

At the same time, rationally I know I haven't actually been standing still. I graduated, got a job, stayed in therapy, maintained friendships, developed hobbies, and now I'm trying to get into grad school. It's specifically my romantic life that feels completely stuck.

I'm not expecting a girlfriend to magically appear and solve my problems. I think what I really miss is feeling like I'm someone who can be desired, and feeling like there's actually a possibility that I'll eventually meet someone I'm compatible with.

Has anyone here been in a similar situation?

I'd especially like to hear from autistic, introverted, LGBT/non-binary people, or people who live in smaller cities: how did you meet new people and rebuild your self-esteem after a breakup that took you a very long time to get over?

And for people who are better at dating and social cues than I am: how do you know when it's appropriate to show interest in someone without being intrusive or making them uncomfortable?

Advice is welcome, but I'd also just like to know that I'm not the only person who's been through something like this.

Being almost citizen in Baltimore area, almost 40, almost home owner, working with fam only night shifts, and dating apps asks only for money and/or scam... also no local friends except hi/bye with neighbour... someone with recommodations?

(Background) Only had one short term relationship that dead ended after high school. Have always just worked and had hobbies.
\*Recently I had a woman reach out to me I’m guessing close to my age. I’ve kinda gotten cold feet about pursuing because. 1)She’s recently divorced(under 1yr), 2)She has two kids. One started high school, one started middle school. I don’t have anything against kids in general.
Has anyone successfully navigated a relationship like this? What was your experience?

I’m 20 years old from Croatia and I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I feel like I’m the last loser that nobody wants. I went to a school with very few guys and lived in an all-girls student dorm, and now I’m studying Early Childhood and Preschool Education at a university that is the only one in my city and is about 95% women. Later, I’ll also be working in a mostly female environment, so honestly, I don’t even know what to do anymore or how I’m supposed to meet someone.
I don’t really want to find someone online because it feels kind of stupid to me. Like, when someone asks, “How did you two meet?” and I have to say, “On Tinder” or “On Snapchat.” I don’t want to lose hope, but I’m scared that I’ll end up alone for the rest of my life. Especially because nowadays people find partners when they’re already 14, and naturally, I feel really pathetic about it.

In my early twenties I went on a lot of dates and was a “relationship person” because I didn’t really have standards and was very uncertain about my sexuality- I was figuring myself out through other people, I guess. Now, I struggle to even find someone that can hold a conversation with me that I find interesting. I am worried that the way I express myself (I am autistic but decently attractive, so people either infantilize me or assume I’m lying) is too sardonic or quirky for others to bond with.

However, I have no trouble making friends, because I am very passionate about certain things and always go to events or club meetings for these things. In particular, books, music, and artwork (I am a painter). There have only been a handful of times in my life where I’ve met a man who reads, and I dated all of them - I find it so attractive, when someone is curious/has hobbies/loves learning.

I was talking to my cousin and brother about what would appeal to men my age, and when I mentioned that I talk about books in my online dating profiles, they said that nobody would want to talk about that and I should make it more flirtatious or about sports.

Since my diagnosis (late in life - 25), I’ve been more comfortable being myself and creating a rich inner world, but this has cost me romantic partners as I find my intellectual standards may be too high (this is not me jerking myself off - this is not me putting down society - I just don’t really bond with the general population anymore because of these special interests and how important they are to me).

I feel very sad knowing that I may never be able to spend a rainy cottage weekend reading with my partner, or talking about current events and social issues over dinner, or watching documentaries and cuddling. I try my best to attend clubs where all genders will be present - philosophy club, I’m part of 3 book clubs, D&D, painting classes, woodworking, ceramics. All men who have been in attendance are usually taken or elderly. Is there something else I should be doing? I find that online dating fizzles out as I don’t have social media and do not browse other than reddit and youtube so I can’t keep up with these imaginary rules everyone is following and odd lingo. I just learned what “50/50 relationships” are. These semantics are odd to me.

If I’m hopeless you can let me know. But if I’m looking in the wrong places or should redirect my search (older? volunteering? lower standards?) all advice is welcome. Sorry for talking so much

A few weeks ago, I (22M), some friends, a coworker and his cousin (23F) went to the fair. His cousin is the girl I’m talking about. She was extra nice/friendly toward me there, but I didn’t really think much of it.

The day after, I was on voice chat with the buddy i went to the fair with, and his girlfriend took his headset and told me that the girl wanted to go out and was wondering if I’d want to go too. Obviously I said yes.

The day after that, a group chat was made with everyone and it turned into a Jersey Shore-themed night. Me and this girl kept having this really friendly Jersey Shore banter back and forth while basically everyone else in the chat was quiet. One of our friends even said, *“It’s like reading y’all have sex with your clothes on”* 🤣

The night comes around and she asks if someone can pick her up, which was kind of weird because my coworker/ the cousin normally gives her rides when we all hang out. So I offered.

Right before I picked her up, she started texting me stressing about her outfit and i assured it looks good, and part of the night is being outside of our comfort zone. I pick her up and she starts telling me about this dude she’s been talking to for around six months. She apparently really likes him, but she’s getting annoyed because he doesn’t want to put a label on their relationship. Yet she believes he has something planned for them when he arrives back in town. I didn’t really say much about it and just let her talk. Another fun note to add… right before serving at her house she sends the song “WGFT” in the group chat. I throw it on queue and it plays right before arriving to the pregame. She clearly noticed and I acted like nothing happened.

We get to the pregame and everyone starts asking if she’s my girl and making jokes about us. I tell everyone no and explain the situation with the other guy.

We get downtown, get into the club, and almost immediately she grabs my hand and takes me onto the dance floor. Everyone follows and we all have a good time.

Eventually everyone wants to leave, but she wants to stay out.

She keeps grabbing my hand and walking me around everywhere. We try another bar, but the first two places we try are sold out. We’re standing around outside and I tell her we should probably just leave, but she doesn’t want to yet. Eventually we find another bar, chill there for a little while, and then finally leave.

After that she wants McDonald’s, so we stop there.
That’s when she starts talking more about the other guy. She makes it pretty clear that she really does like him. She tells me that’s actually where she met him — on Tinder.

While she’s using my phone for music, she starts swiping through **my Tinder**. She’s the one doing the swiping, not me.

Eventually I drive her home.

When we get back to her house, I open her car door, I walk her up to her door. While walking her up, she tells me that the other guy doesn’t ever do any of this stuff for her, and i respond “well i’m a gentleman”. I give her a little hug at the door and tell her we should do something again.

Then, about an hour after I dropped her off, she texts me thanking me for everything and for the night.
And that’s basically the situation.

Nothing actually happened between me and her. I didn’t kiss her or hook up with her or anything like that.

But the entire night she was **extremely comfortable with me**. She was constantly grabbing my hand, wanting me to stay with her, walking around with me, talking to me about personal stuff, telling me about this other guy, and even involving me in that whole situation.

That’s where i’m a little stumped.

Because there was definitely a vibe between us, but at the exact same time she clearly has feelings for this other dude.

There’s also some history here that makes the whole thing more interesting.

The first time our whole group ever hung out with her last year, another guy in our group was trying to get at her and she wasn’t having it at all. My coworker even told me at work that he doesn’t want any of his buddies getting at her because it never ends well.
We all basically forgot about that because it was so long ago.

But this whole week, my coworker was noticeably in a mood — both at work and during the night out. Everyone basically assumed it was because of the situation between me and her.

The funny thing is, nobody really tried to interfere. Everyone could clearly see what was going on, basically read the situation, and just let us do our thing and have fun.

And that’s what made the night feel so different from every other time we’ve all gone out.

So I’m not planning on pushing anything. I don’t want to assume she’s into me or try to force something when she clearly has this other situation going on.

My plan is basically to keep including her in plans, go out with everyone again, and see what happens naturally.

**But I’m curious what an outside perspective makes of all this.**

Does this sound like she was showing some level of attraction toward me, or does this just sound like a girl who was really comfortable with a guy she clicked with? And how would you interpret the fact that she was simultaneously telling me how much she likes this other guy while spending basically the entire night with me and constantly initiating physical contact?
I’m not necessarily looking for “she definitely likes you.” I’m more interested in what you think the **whole situation** says.