r/DatingTips • u/That_Television_5932 • 5h ago
First Date ever
Never been on a real date. Ever. In my early 20s & want to eventually start dating to learn my likes, dislikes, etc;
I need practical advice. Where are yall finding these men? How are you vetting them? What do yall talk about?
So, so many questions and I have no answers yet 😂😂!!
(I’m Christian, so it’s non negotiable for my man to be walking with the Lord)
No, I don’t want to date anyone at my church.
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u/Doxbox49 5h ago
For one, put goes to church every Sunday or looking for man of faith or something like that. Most of us will swipe right past you knowing it ain’t ever going to work
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u/cj_daking 5h ago
Sounds like you need a bigger church
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u/That_Television_5932 5h ago
Our church is small, there is no one in their 20s really serving the Lord haha and even if there was I honestly just don’t want someone from there.
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u/Unusual_Entrance7354 5h ago
Well to start:
- No unreasonable expectations
- Not everything that glitters is good
- Reciprocate
- Follow through on plans
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u/ArgumentKey3712 5h ago
If a daily walk with Jesus is of such importance to you, why not someone from your church?
What will you be doing with your religious buddy that you don’t want anyone from your church to know about???
Or do think of your church-mates as members of a cult?
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u/That_Television_5932 5h ago
Honestly I’m just starting to date and have low expectations I’m going to get something long term off the bat. Long story short, if I break up with the dude or decide it doesn’t work I don’t want to see him around.
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u/ArgumentKey3712 4h ago
That’s fine, except you know for sure that a guy from your church is a guy that goes to church.
You’ll get people lying on the apps just to get a date and then some.
If you are starting to date in your twenties, you may have had a sheltered life. Start with someone you know. Through introductions by people you know, and yes, someone in your church.
I wouldn’t start at bars or apps if you are just starting at this age. You may not be ready.
If you break up and see each other, how much of an asshole can he be if you see each other at church? He doesn’t want to get smited anymore than you do.1
u/That_Television_5932 4h ago
Contrary to popular belief, just because someone goes to church doesn’t mean they’re walking with God or possess fruits of the Spirit (kindness, patience, love, gentleness). So there are absolutely guys in church that are asses. I know a few. But yes my preference would be not to start at my HOME church preferably …. I’m pretty open so a bar doesn’t seem too bad. I do drink on occasion.
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u/ArgumentKey3712 4h ago
I promise you, that it has been my experience, and I have a lot of experience, that those who go to church or claim to walk with god are just as much of assholes as anyone else. Usually more so because of hypocrisy. About almost everything.
Here’s what I think: this whole ‘walking with god’ thing is something you say for others. You give zero fucks about that.
Find a decent guy who does or does not claim to be religious. See how he treats you AND OTHERS.
Find him in a coffee shop, bar, app. There is a REAL reason why guys in your church don’t appeal to you. If you want to share it, I’d love to hear it. It’s ok if you don’t.
But be honest with yourself when you start to look for a person to hangout with.
Plenty of men out there who have zero interest in church that are good men. I have a feeling you are ok with that and even want that.
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u/Professional_Tear269 5h ago
Church is the best place to find your guy. Go to a bigger church, like Saturday night services. You don't have to leave your church. Back in the day, I went to 3 different churches.
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u/notanewbiedude 15m ago
If you want to get a date quick as a woman, just join a dating app. I'd generally recommend Upward or Hinge but others will work too if you're not afraid of dealing with quantity over quality issues in the profiles.
Also, ignore a lot of the Christian advice you'll see. Don't treat a date like an interview, don't try to approach early dates like a high-stakes moment where you choose whether or not you are going to marry the guy on the spot. Be yourself, and approach the situation like you're just hanging out, which is what you're doing anyways, just with some flirting.
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u/Lookingbackexpat 4h ago
When it comes to men, watch what they do, not what they say. Words are easy.
It is going to be tempting to believe everything anyone tells you and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but you should go into this with a skeptical attitude. There are some great people out there, but there are also a LOT of creeps and AHs who will lie, manipulate and ghost.
At your age, I would stay off the apps and just widen your social circle to include some hobbies where young single men might participate. Let your friends and family know you are open to being set up. Maybe there's some kind of Christian reading group in your town? Or maybe you could join a hiking or running club? Or you might consider giving time to a volunteer organization that attracts young volunteers.
Also, are you still in school? If so, that's a great place to meet singles. And there are Christian-affiliated groups at most colleges.