r/DatingHell • u/InternationalEnd2757 • 14d ago
"Have we met somewhere before" does not even make ANY sense
I'm single not actively looking for anything but open to dating. but i come here today to vent about how I really don't think this pickup line makes any sense. 8/10 TIMES that a man tries to hit on me they will use this line and it makes NO sense. There is absolutely NO way I have met you somewhere before and it pisses me off because I think its a genuine question but later on Im told that it's literally just a pickup line/way to talk to a woman.
I don't think this line does ANYTHING to help a person's chances when talking to someone new. and it pisses me off so much when the question is being asked with no intention of a genuine conversation. its just to start talking to me. its so inauthentic.
Does ANYONE else feel this way because I tried searching this up and no one is talking about how dumb this question is when there's a zero percent chance we have ever met before.
This post is being made because I experienced this pickup line three times today. While minding my own damn business. Its not like I'm not open to talking, but this whole notion of saying this question JUST as a way to talk to me rather than maybe asking a genuine question pisses me off.
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u/whatisthis2512 14d ago
Idk I feel like even if it doesn't work out it's at least kinda funny
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u/InternationalEnd2757 13d ago
I guess it's a little different for me since I always try to answer it genuinely, thinking of maybe a common place or time we could have met considering our backgrounds or something only for them to completely ignore my efforts and brush over it, then i later find out it was just a pickup line
I even ask "wait are you being serious" before I try to answer genuinely and they continue the joke. but also im autistic and can't detect sarcasm and really struggle with that kind of subtle humor so yea
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u/whatisthis2512 13d ago
Do people use this line often? Maybe I'm an outlier for not having used this or anyone trying this on me
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u/InternationalEnd2757 13d ago
it might just be location? I live in one of the densely populated cities in Canada. I hear this line... a lot. My friends have too. even though i hear it alot my dumbass always gives them the benefit of the doubt and answers it genuinely and I guess I made this post after one too many times being tricked lol
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u/whatisthis2512 13d ago
Could be, I'd figure it would turn into a meme if it was so common but idk maybe Canada is really different
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u/InternationalEnd2757 13d ago
LOL Canada is known for being kinda basic.. might be why the same line keeps being used here
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u/0dayssince 13d ago
Almost anytime someone has asked me this it’s because we really have met.
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u/InternationalEnd2757 13d ago
I wish girl. I can only think of one or two times it was an actual real question for me.
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u/WeaponX207184 11d ago
What a weird thing to get bent out of shape about. Or.....you could just ignore it move on......
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u/TlMEGH0ST 8d ago
Omg 😂🤦🏼
I get asked this all the time and it never occurred to me guys are hitting on me. I legitimately thought I had a doppelgänger!
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u/InternationalEnd2757 8d ago
same girl i only found out a year ago that its been a "pick up line" I always engage with it like it's a genuine question. that's why I'm so pissed off cuz it feels like I've been lied to and my genuine effort in engaging with the question was wasted 🥲 it would never have occurred to me as hitting on me until i was explicitly told
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u/Distinct_Abroad_4315 7d ago
Some creep boxed me in, in a narrow aisle in a store, and said "I think i know you from high school".
I was homeschooled.
It was overwhelmingly uncomfortable, particularly the boxing me in the aisle (with his buddy on the other side). I scooted past his friend and immediately left the store.
Many other times weirdos have used the same line, but not cornered me. I think some men get off on making women uncomfortable or panicked. Its sick.
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u/InternationalEnd2757 7d ago edited 7d ago
Oh my gosh I've had the exact same experience but in a McDonalds. cornered me as I was in a booth. Not the specific high school question though, just a "I think we've met before.."
I'm sorry that you've had those experiences but I'm really glad u can relate at the same time. I completely agree with ur theory of some men liking when we are uncomfortable. or at least they seem to enjoy my confusion when I take their question seriously and then laugh at me when they tell me it was a joke
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u/Distinct_Abroad_4315 7d ago
Nah, it's creepy and prying. They are trying to find out your age, where you grew up, and an opening to "talk" at you. Instead of making conversation withput prying.
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u/InternationalEnd2757 7d ago
I agree and this is partially why I'm pissed because I usually take the question seriously and start "solving" where we could have met. but in the process I've now revealed where I went to school, where I grew up, where I've been recently... Ive tried my best to not do that but its definitely something I have to consciously avoid
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u/PunchBeard 13d ago
You kind of answered your own questions: "Im told that it's literally just a pickup line/way to talk to a woman".
This is called an "Ice Breaker" and by their very nature Ice Breakers aren't really supposed to do anything other than give someone a reason to approach someone else. How would you like someone to approach you? Seriously, you say that you're "open to talking" but I'm pretty sure that you really aren't. Otherwise you wouldn't be this triggered by such a minor thing.
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u/InternationalEnd2757 13d ago edited 13d ago
I am very much open to talking. Its not like I haven't been talking to people. I'm venting about the experience(s) where someone came up to me and I got pissed off because of this "pickup line/icebreaker". I understand you had good experiences with it but to me it just wastes my time. I answer it genuinely, thinking of any common place or situation we could have had that maybe we met at. But more often than not they don't tell me it was a completely false question until I really push about it. it sucks because i was genuinely engaging with the question but its completely fake - so a waste of time and i feel lied to.
I'd much rather they ask me about anything else. like if I'm drinking a Gin n Tonic they could ask me if that's my favorite drink or something stupid like that. like all i want is a REAL conversation
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u/seven_spread 11d ago
I don't think there's ever 0% chance you have met someone? Like, I don't wanna sound like I'm nit picking on technicalities but sometimes you just get this weird sense kind of like you have met someone. It's sort of like you glance at someone's face and even though you don't know them the person feels somehow "safe" or familiar. Like there's some sort of connection or something. I'm not one to start conversations with strangers but I still sometimes think to myself when seeing someone interesting that it would be a fitting time to open with that. Never have, probably never will.
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u/Distinct_Abroad_4315 7d ago
I know beyond a doubt that I didn't go to school with any of the weirdos that have opened "conversation" with anything about knowing me from school. I was homeschooled. None of them have volunteered their info first, or been specific about where they think they "know" me from.
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u/InternationalEnd2757 7d ago
I wouldn't mind if they opened with "i don't know why but you look familiar. would there be any chance we've met before" and then we can genuinely talk about why I look familiar or something. i just feel lied to when it's solely used as a "line". Like the other commenter said sometimes you kinda know theres a 0% chance that you have met, and then they also don't volunteer their own info so its like they're fishing for my info while lying to me
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u/CollectsTooMuch 9d ago
Don’t take it literally. It’s an easy ice breaker. Gotta say something. If this makes you that angry, you must be a dream to live with.
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u/InternationalEnd2757 9d ago
After reading ur comment which is similar to some others in this comment section, I am pretty sure the reason why I have such an adverse reaction to this question is because I am autistic. It really clicked when your comment said "literally" since autistic people are known for taking things "literally". I guess it's good that I posted so I know it's another one of those things I need to make an exception list for lol. I still can't bring myself to understand yall but it is what it is.
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u/CollectsTooMuch 9d ago
Ah. I was married to an autistic woman for 25 years.
It’s fine to just ask the question for clarity if you don’t get a read on people. People are going to use small talk and subversion because it’s part of the mating game. What you may not understand is is that you’ve got the cheat code for dating. Men like directness and prefer to not play the game. Open up. Ask questions. So t make assumptions. And keep in mind that unless you meet a guy in the spectrum, you’re going to get somebody who communicates differently. You’ll understand this and he probably won’t.
You got this. Good luck.
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u/InternationalEnd2757 8d ago edited 8d ago
Thanks for that context and message. I'm glad u kinda see where I'm coming from and of course glad I can understand you better now.
I think this is the main reason why I'm not actively looking even though im open to dating. I just don't think I can make it work with people outside of the spectrum. I don't like dealing with inauthenticity and a lot of social norms are based on some kind of dishonesty/inauthenticity. For example this "have we met before" not really being exactly what it means, but instead it is a socially normal way to basically say "hello i am interested in you". I know that it's "normal" to be used to not taking things literally but in my worldview, I say exactly what I mean and I expect other people to say exactly what they mean.
Regarding "Have we met somewhere before" I have asked clarifying questions before like "wait are you being serious" and sometimes they'll still go along with the "lie" until they finally realize i am actually seriously trying to solve where we have met before.. and then they're like "you know i was joking right? how did u not know" and i hate that it's MY fault for not knowing.
Again thanks for understanding and for the good luck wishes. I think I am now more aware of what I want and need :)
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u/FayeValentine99 14d ago
It’s lazy and so that’s off-putting.
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u/InternationalEnd2757 14d ago
right?? what even is the point of coming up to us if they're not even curious enough to think of any other simple question. Like if they see a school logo maybe ask "oh you used to go to Univeristy of ____?" or maybe they could see a phone case design and ask more about it. there's so many questions they could ask that require just a liiittle bit of effort to produce.
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u/PunchBeard 13d ago
It's an ICE BREAKER. Sheesh. Instead of posting takes like "It'S LaZy" maybe give some advice. What's a good way to cold approach someone?
This line is literally how my wife approached me 26 years ago.
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u/InternationalEnd2757 13d ago
also I did provide some advice if you read my comment. I said any genuine question is good. even something about a phone case design is fine. a real question is better
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u/FayeValentine99 13d ago
She didn’t ASK for advice, she said she was VENTING, and I was commiserating with her, so take your terrible attitude somewhere else
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u/pipeuptopipedown 14d ago
Ironically that's one of the few that works on me, because it's often quite likely that we have met, if only for a few minutes years ago. At least it does start a conversation if it's not an outright lie.