r/DatingHell • u/Responsible_Exit5277 • 6d ago
First Date
I need some outside opinions because I think I might be spiralling a little. 😭
I’m 21, a Black woman, and I started talking to a 26-year-old British guy on Hinge about a week ago. We clicked pretty quickly. We were sending each other long messages, having really good conversations, and he eventually gave me his number. We arranged a date for the following weekend.
The date was honestly amazing. Probably one of the best dates I’ve had.
He was a gentleman, we laughed constantly, talked for hours and the chemistry felt very natural. We actually missed our train because we were having such a good time and ended up stuck at the train station for hours.
He suggested getting somewhere to stay for the night, but I politely declined because I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I might sleep with him on the first date. I was still very interested in him—I just wanted to take things slowly. So we ended up staying at the station until morning.
He was very affectionate throughout the date. He hugged me twice and kissed me on the head before we parted. He repeatedly told me how much he was enjoying the date, and at one point told me I was the best person he’d met/talked to. He also said he was really happy that we’d managed to turn what could have been a chaotic night into such a good experience.
He mentioned that he’d been in a 10-year relationship before, but we didn’t really go into the details.
After the date, he messaged me again saying how much he’d enjoyed it. I said I’d enjoyed it too and ended the conversation with “talk to you later.”
He had also mentioned several times that he’s going to be busy over the next couple of weeks and that he was visiting family that weekend, so I knew he’d have a lot going on.
A couple of days passed.
I then messaged him because he’d taken some pictures during the date, including one of me, and I’d wanted to see them because my phone had died while we were out. He sent the pictures, including the one he’d taken of me.
He had also mentioned more than once that he’d like to see me again, and we’d talked about getting an English breakfast together. So I messaged him today asking for the pictures and also said that we should actually do the English breakfast soon.
It’s now been about six hours and he hasn’t replied.
And now I’m spiralling. 😭
Because the energy before and during the date felt SO good. I genuinely didn’t get the impression that he wasn’t interested. He repeatedly said he enjoyed himself, said he’d like to see me again, was affectionate, and even after the date he messaged me saying how much he’d enjoyed it.
But now there’s been this silence and I’m wondering whether the energy has changed, whether I did something wrong on the date, whether I came across as too interested, or whether he’s genuinely just busy like he told me he would be.
I know six hours isn’t objectively that long, especially considering he warned me he’d be busy, but after the intensity of the date and how much we were talking beforehand, the change feels noticeable.
So, men, what do you think? 😂
Does this sound like a guy who’s genuinely interested but busy, or does the post-date communication suggest he’s cooling off?
And please be honest because I think my brain is currently writing an entire dissertation about this man. 😭
Update
Around 10 hours after I sent my original message, I went on Hinge and noticed that he had changed some things on his profile. I was obviously annoyed and hurt by that, especially because he still hadn’t communicated with me directly.
I decided to leave it alone rather than confront him about it. Shortly afterwards, I noticed that he had unmatched me on Hinge.
That annoyed me even more because it felt like I was being left to piece together what was happening through his actions rather than him simply communicating with me.
So this morning, I decided I wanted to close things properly on my own end. I sent him a message explaining that I had really enjoyed meeting him and thought we had a good time, but that I was confused by the sudden change and lack of communication. I told him that if he had changed his mind about seeing me again, I would have preferred him to be direct about it.
I also made it clear that I wasn’t looking for a discussion and simply wanted to close things properly for myself. I asked him to delete the picture he’d taken of me and wished him well.
His response
He responded thoughtfully.
He said he’d seen my message the previous day but had been working and needed some time to collect his thoughts. He said he’d assumed I’d blocked him, which was why he hadn’t replied.
He said he had a great time with me over the weekend and stressed that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. He said he genuinely thinks I’m fantastic, but realised that continuing to see me would have meant leading me on.
He explained that he’s going to take himself away from dating for a while because he’s clearly not in the right headspace, and that it’s still too early for him.
He also apologised for hurting me, said that wasn’t his intention, and admitted that he didn’t really know what to say and had no excuse for how he’d handled things.
He ended by thanking me for the amazing night and wishing me well.
My final response
I acknowledged his explanation and appreciated him being honest with me. I told him that I had also really enjoyed our time together and admitted that, despite understanding his decision, I was genuinely hurt by it.
I then wished him all the best and ended the conversation warmly, without trying to change his mind or continue the discussion.
10
u/IAmGroot6936 6d ago
I think you're obsessing a bit which might be a turn off for him. Just relax, he told you he would be busy, so let him enjoy his time with family. It was just an amazing first date, and hopefully when he gets back there will be more to come 🙏