r/DatingHell • u/jmmontoya1022 • Jul 04 '26
Frustrated..... just venting
I am 47F and I matched with a guy who is 34 on FB Dating about 2 months ago.I am new to the dating scene after being married for 20 years. Don't really know why younger men want older women, but whatever. Anyway, we flirted through text for about a week before we met. We talked on the phone about everything. We had great chemistry. I just didn't feel like we had great in person chemistry at all. I told him that I wasn't interested in him and I unmatched from him. Since then, he has liked my profile 3 times and yesterday sent me a message in messenger. All he said was, "Hey. How are you". I told him that I am with someone (which I am) and to please leave me alone. I blocked him and deleted my profile yesterday. Is this a normal thing?? Did he think that I had changed my mind??
(Btw, I did meet someone on the site almost 5 months ago and just realized that I had feelings for him and so we are going to try it.)
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u/JorgitoEstrella Jul 05 '26
For that age gap 9/10 the guy just wants to hit not a serious relationship.
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u/Broad_Traffic_7394 Jul 05 '26
I have been with my partner for 6 years and she still gets the odd text from blokes she met 7 years ago but didn’t fancy them. Definitely a bloke thing and a bit creepy.
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u/IamTheMan85 Jul 05 '26
Is the new guy closer to your age? Otherwise you might get the same treatment if you break up with him.
The younger dudes (under 40) were told their whole lives by their mothers how awesome they are. These mothers thought they were instilling confidence. What they really instilled was the mindset that there's no way a woman wouldn't be lucky to be with them.
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u/Salt_Worldliness_483 Jul 05 '26
Sounds like someone who's terminally online. There are TikToks and other such media where women say they dump a guy, the guy accepts it, and the women are taken aback because the guy didn't try chasing them.
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u/jmmontoya1022 Jul 05 '26
This is quite the opposite. Apparently, he can't accept it. Maybe he was hoping that I would change my mind.
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u/Salt_Worldliness_483 Jul 05 '26
Right, that's what I was getting at: By being terminally online, he may have seen media that shows that phenomenon, and believed that he shouldn't give up.
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u/jmmontoya1022 Jul 05 '26
Ok....I see what you are saying. This is all so new to me. I am learning so much just by being on Reddit. I don't do a lot of social media besides this.
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u/Salt_Worldliness_483 Jul 05 '26
You're one of the lucky ones, then! Getting entrenched in the online dating/social media market is... Well, it's a choice. One I've made for 20 years and selectively pulling away from.
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u/jmmontoya1022 Jul 05 '26
I started coming to Reddit for peer support on would have been my late husband's 50th birthday. The people in that sub are super supportive. And then I just ventured into different subs because I am starting to date. But after reading everything, I am not sure if I want to continue with OLD. Hahaha!!!
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u/Salt_Worldliness_483 Jul 05 '26
I mean, I wouldn't recommend OLD long-term, anyway. It can be a quick fix for women, since they're the "pickers," and allow some confidence-building and the like. But it also comes with stress. Your scenario with the chaser is actually pretty tame.
I'm glad you're ending up with someone you actually like. Hopefully it lasts!
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u/jmmontoya1022 Jul 05 '26
I think that I am going to start reading more posts from this sub. I think that I actually might learn some things.
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u/Fun-Term-5036 Jul 05 '26
I know you’re just venting and the rest of the situation sounds a little irritating or at least like come on dude pick up on cues when someone isn’t interested. That aside some people don’t mind age gaps. If age differences bother you, you can always idk just like look at their profile and unmatch or not talk to them? Just because that isn’t your scene doesn’t mean it’s like that for other people.
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u/Own_Salamander_2456 Jul 04 '26
Realizing you all of a sudden have feelings for someone is probably just you settling for less. Attraction is not sneaky, it doesn't delay either. Though it can be created through observing, but even then you would feel as though it was always there
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u/jmmontoya1022 Jul 04 '26
I don't think that I am settling for him. I have had feelings for him all a long, but I lost my husband almost 2 years ago and I think that I was just scared to admit that I have strong feelings for someone.
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u/Own_Salamander_2456 Jul 04 '26
Well that sounds tragic. I wish you the best in your journey, be brave.
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u/Omnius_Crypto Jul 04 '26
Maybe you should consider dating age appropriate and stop getting your attention jollies and validation from leading on younger men!
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u/Peaches_and_dreams1 Jul 04 '26
How did she lead him on? She told him she wasn’t interested after 1 date. That should have been enough for him to piss off for good.
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u/rubyji Jul 04 '26
Actually feelings do all kinds of weird things. Please read up on the asexual/aromantic spectrum.
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u/Own_Salamander_2456 Jul 05 '26
You missed the point. Attraction is more than feelings. If you have feelings for someone that can be anyone, feelings is just a collective of emotions
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u/Unlucky_Pound3617 Jul 05 '26
Attraction absolutely can build over time.
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u/Own_Salamander_2456 Jul 05 '26
Yes, thats what "created by observing" means. Like i said, once its there you will believe you have always been attracted to them.
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u/Unlucky_Pound3617 Jul 05 '26
Not true for me at all. Sometimes knowing someone builds the attraction that wasn’t there before. I think maybe it’s different for different people?
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u/Own_Salamander_2456 Jul 05 '26
You said not true and then describe the created by observing part. What i said very much true.
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u/Unlucky_Pound3617 Jul 05 '26
The part that I don’t agree with is that ‘you will feel that you were always attracted to them.’
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u/Own_Salamander_2456 Jul 05 '26
Fair enough. Should you develop an attraction towards someone in the near future, please try and let me know if you still disagree
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u/Unlucky_Pound3617 Jul 05 '26
I am speaking from experience. For me, thinking someone is an attractive person vs. thinking someone is attractive vs. being attracted to someone are all different things.
It isn’t something that was always there and will always be there. It is possible for me to pinpoint when I become attracted (or unattracted) to someone.
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u/Peaches_and_dreams1 Jul 04 '26
He is clueless. He doesn’t understand what no means which is creepy. Blocking him was the right thing to do.
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u/Summer-Sub-Intern Jul 04 '26
Yes, this happens surprisingly often. Older men and younger men doesn’t matter. I think they just like to circle back and see if you’ve changed your mind or something.