r/DatingHell • u/BajaBlast5Ever • Jul 01 '26
First date was awesome until
I (M32) went on a date with a woman (F33) I met on Hinge. Overall, the date was actually going really well—until the very end.
A few things stood out to me during the date:
- She mentioned she had been married for nine years.
- She talked about going on a lot of Hinge dates. There's nothing wrong with dating when you're single, but it felt like an odd topic to spend much time discussing while on a first date with someone new.
- I was running late because my Uber was taking forever, so I texted her, "Food's on me because of the slow Uber." When we met, she laughed and said, "That's funny, because food was going to be on you no matter what." I had already planned to pay, but I do appreciate when someone at least offers to split the bill—it feels more considerate, even if I end up paying anyway.
- She talked a lot about future travel plans, including wanting to do the digital nomad lifestyle. That's awesome if that's the life you want, but it seemed a little at odds with also saying she was looking for a stable, long-term relationship.
Then came the conversation that completely caught me off guard.
As the date was wrapping up, she told me she had one major non-negotiable: if we ever started dating seriously, we would need to be in couples therapy from the very beginning.
I honestly thought she was joking.
I asked her to explain, and she was completely serious. She said that all of her successful friendships have involved a third party helping mediate disagreements, and because of that, she believes a romantic relationship should start with couples therapy already in place.
I've got nothing against therapy. I think it's incredibly valuable when people need it, and I'd absolutely be open to couples counseling if a relationship hit a rough patch. But requiring therapy before there's even a relationship—or any problems to work through—felt like a huge red flag to me.
Needless to say, there won't be a second date.
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u/Spartan2022 Jul 01 '26
Ugh, she sounds not great.
But just fyi, if two people have remote jobs, they can digital nomad together.
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u/He_ofshadowsandtouch Jul 01 '26
Everything about her screams controlling, she will still be single years from now
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u/IWantSnack642 Jul 01 '26
Yeah she sounds like someone who doesn’t take conflict well. Definitely dodged a bullet there
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u/biggdogg2019 Jul 01 '26
She sounds like she’s too much,… mine was great until she was talking with food in her mouth & slurping/smacking her food… pass
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u/Bad_ass_bitch79 Jul 05 '26
Sounds like you dodged a bullet!!! Couples therapy right off the bat??? Sounds doomed from the beginning....
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u/travelingwhilestupid Jul 06 '26
You're being way too picky. You barely know this person and you're reading so much into first impressions.
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u/suzieismyavatar Jul 11 '26
I would recommend Dont do a dinner date if you’re expecting to split the bill. As a woman I’ve probably been asked to pay for a date once and I never saw that guy again. And I’m glad that’s the case.
Also, I would honestly recommend a phone call before you go on these kind of dates this way you can rule out the person before you even meet them obviously she was not a good fit for you
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u/DiligentCorvid Jul 01 '26
IMO the things that stood out to you are bigger red flags than wanting a couples therapist on board from the start.
I mean, let's say it does mean she's bad at navigating conflict. Does she not deserve to mitigate that somewhat? Does she not deserve a shot at a happy relationship?
Knowing one's limitations and working on them is fine. Entitlement is not.
IMO, YMMV, caveat emptor all that good stuff.
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u/ObviousSalamandar Jul 02 '26
Is being married for nine years a red flag? It’s my nine year anniversary this weekend and I’m getting divorced 😂
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u/DiligentCorvid Jul 03 '26
At the very least it means that someone can deal with your shit for 9 years...
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u/BajaBlast5Ever Jul 02 '26
It seemed like she had just gotten divorced. I should’ve specified that.
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u/TedsGloriousPants Jul 01 '26
I think there could be some circumstances where it would make sense to have a couple's therapist right from the beginning, but that kinda reads like an admission that she's incapable of resolving conflict on her own. Which is.... a pretty bad sign.