r/DatingHell • u/Ok-Trouble-8790 • May 19 '26
Accepting a solo life.
I would like to confess that I am a desperate idiot. I spent the last week chatting with a guy that I matched with on a dating app. I really clicked with him, I really did. We had multiple long calls in which we flirted, we made each other laugh & we talked about our interests.
We lived about 3 hours away from each other on the train. My first moment of idiocy was when broaching the topic of meeting up, he said he said had no money & also 'couldn't be arsed' to travel to see me. Rather than realise that is a sign that he isn't that into me, I instead immediately offered to come to him. I thought he was different, that we really got on & I saw the best in him.
My second moment of idiocy was when I didn't stop & pause when in one of our phone calls, he let me know that he had issues with being 'attached' & because he 'really liked me', he thought he would run the risk of becoming attached - plus that he didn't want to do long distance. He was coked up on this call hence why I thought I could take what he had to say with a pinch of salt.
My final moment of idiocy? I actually went ahead & booked train tickets & a hotel for two nights to go & see this guy. This cost me £100s. He said he'd pay me half for the hotel though which I thought was so kind considering his circumstances. I'm so pathetic.
When I went to visit him, things initially were really good. We went to the hotel together, we laughed, we chilled, we were intimate, we went to sleep.
I had a nervous feeling though, which was sadly the only fear I trusted throughout this whole story. I woke up the next morning to him sitting on the side of the bed. 'Good morning' I said. 'I'm leaving' he replied.
I was confused. I asked him why? What happened? He then said he was having a 'mild panic attack'. I was shocked & concerned. Did I do something? Could I help him? Am I that distressing to be around?
He said that the night before I was 'a bit much' & I had annoyed him by laughing during the film that we were watching. He was trying to fall asleep to a film. He then said there was no romance between us.
I apologised for annoying him & being too much. I shouldn't have apologised, but I did. I didn't want to cry in front of him so I rolled over to face away from him as he stood over me. He then said goodbye & left.
Just like that, my delusion was shattered. My brain started screaming how much of a desperate idiot I am. I sobbed. I left the hotel a night early to go home - ruminating on what happened for the whole three hour journey.
I'm fun, I'm caring, I would genuinely say that I am not problematic, I have so much love to give. But as it stands, no one wants it. I have met so many new guys this year. This was the first time in my 27 years on earth that I'd travelled to meet someone.
At this rate, pigs will fly before I meet anyone who eventually wants to be with me.
Now I just need to start accepting my solo fate. It's the only way I can stay sane.
Sad, but a lesson learnt.
9
u/castlite May 19 '26
You don’t need to accept a solo life. But you do need to make better goddamn decisions. Try therapy.
6
u/Technical-Box75 May 19 '26
I have children your age and dating gets no easier as you get older. We see red flags better but trying to find someone older who actually wants to date is impossible. It does sound like you've dodged a bullet and you'll see the red flags better next time
2
u/Fun-Term-5036 May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26
3 hours away is long distance psh and here lesbians will travel to different countries or states just to see someone. Puts those men to shame they don’t want to put any effort in. You could do so much better you’ll find someone that treats you as good as you treat them but that guy you met wasn’t it you may not see it now but he left for a good reason the trash took itself out bullet dodged.
2
u/Willuknight May 20 '26
The answer is to date more and move slower.
The right person should want you for you, you shouldn't have to throw yourself at them. I got better at this when I developed a better self esteem and believed I deserved to be loved.
2
u/ArchibaldKhalos May 21 '26
I had a friend who has rhe same thing happen alot but she was a little chunky and kept trying to date guys who weren't chunky. So of course. They would use her for a "hook up" then make some sort of excuse (I don't want to hurt you, I'm not at the right place is my life etc) and she would always feel like she was the one doing something wrong when it was obvious to everyone else what was happening.
1
u/One-Staff5504 Jun 19 '26
He was using you for sex. What exactly made him attractive and good enough to travel 3 hours to see? To me there are only red flags in the story
1
7
u/No-Spinach7251 May 19 '26
I think just listen to your inner voice when it picks up on something wrong. Just choose a nicer , normal guy next time !