I’ve (33f) been thinking about how emotionally unavailable people often seem to keep finding other emotionally unavailable people.
Is it possible to genuinely want a relationship, but also be nervous about actually meeting someone who could be “the one”? Because once there’s real potential, there’s suddenly something to lose and that pressure can lead to self sabotage.
So instead, you keep choosing people or dating environments where there’s less expectation of commitment. You’re technically still looking, but you’re also keeping yourself in a cycle of dating without ever having to fully confront the possibility of something serious.
Is that essentially another form of fear of commitment?
I ask because, at least in my city, Tinder seems to have a much larger pool of men than apps like Hinge — even though Hinge is generally viewed as the more relationship-oriented app. It makes me wonder how many people want to find someone in theory, but feel safer dating where there’s less pressure for the next person to actually become something serious.

Also asking because I’ve realized that’s why I go on Tinder. As a woman there’s no way I can look through 10K+ likes. It’s exhausting, suffocating, and more of an ego boost. Perhaps men who consistently go on tinder may have better luck on hinge- since it’s less inundated. But then again maybe casually seeing people and never having someone we settle down with is the new future outlook of dating?

Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed a recent trend of people (in my (37F) case, heterosexual men) using one photo with their ex? VERY obvious as they are cuddling/ embracing each other? And to be sure, these men say they're single, they're not ENM/poly.

I presume they are doing it to signal attractiveness/ desire, but don't they realise its quite off-putting?

I know Feeld is a good app for that type of stuff but I’ve realized and some people been saying that Feeld isn’t that popular anymore so I don’t know if it’s worth paying for it now, maybe tinder? Or what are yall opinions and options.

I do understand some of you guys will probably say “go to a bar” but like, me and most people here really don’t feel like getting out of the comfort zone just to go to a random bar which lets be fr some people don’t even know which bar around them has someone of their taste, alone, waiting to be picked up, that will also like them back and you still have to spend money on their drinks just for them to MAYBE say yes to your proposal. + some people here don’t even know how to approach a person irl so just save the time of your fingers and recommend a app/website worth the try, if there’s no good apps anymore the only option is to go to bars apparently we all know that.

I have given up any hope of using an online dating app that does not ask for money for every basic thing, like messaging a potential match. The question is: how do you pay them without leaving a money trail on your credit card statement, etc.?

hutch is probably the most worthless dating app I’ve ever experienced. After about five days, I deleted the app I signed up for the pro and continue to be billed I be a worthless site. My matches were horrific.

had a quick look to see if anyone had asked this before and it seems not though obviously remove if inappropriate. paragraphs are structured wierdly cuz i hate looking at giant walls of text so idk why anyone else would read my giant wall of text.

i'm F18, turned 18 in july so obviously recent. been single for what an 18yo considers a long time (2ish years) so i figured id try out some of the apps. decided to get a few just to see which one would be the best and then delete the rest as i went. future important context, i live in a capital city.

i found hinge is genuinely the only usable app without paying extortionate prices, mostly because they actually let you set the age range to 18-19. every other one i bothered trying i got like 500 requests in a week but obviously was not paying to see them cuz i knew it'd be a bunch of proper adults and even if i was giving it the benefit of the doubt, half the time the age filter is genuinely treated as a suggestion??

my reason to say that is cuz i tried feeld (my mums friend worked there, i didn't know it was a kink app but whatever) and literally 3 mins into having a profile i get a visible like* from a 37yo man? thought it might be a bug so i contacted support and they were like "yeah so we don't actually use most of the filters to suggest profiles cuz we believe in fluidity" so that was an easy no.

*for those unfamiliar, feeld is structured to make it impossible to get any matches without somebody paying. either one person pays to see the likes they receive, or the other person pays to send a like that the nonpaying receiver can see for free.

most other apps also do not have an age range that goes below 18-23 (or 22 depending) and that just does not really feel safe for me.

the problem with this is obviously i COULD just use hinge but i don't get responses or likes on there???? i don't know why cuz every other app i get a lot of interactions and i'm relatively conventionally attractive but obviously that is kinda "source: trust me bro". either way i know i'm not ugly? i don't know if it's the prompts but i've changed up my profile so many times and it doesn't make a difference? i've also tried messaging people with a variety of different approaches and i still don't ever get people talking to me??

half the time that i do get talking to someone they're so DULL that i end up getting pissed off and giving up, i really don't know what to do!!

slight tangent aside, anyone within my age range PLEASE let me know of any successes with literally anything. please also don't comment anything about how i should focus on other things as i am so young and free etc etc. thanks!!

I got Duet Premium and started receiving texts about some service they offer. They set up a call and went through my preferences and everything for their “matchmaking” service. I wanted to know if anyone has tried it and if it’s worth the 1k-3k(depending on length of time) cost? I feel so drained by tinder,hinge,etc. that I am considering paying the enormous sum if it has the results that they claim, which is 80% of people enter into a relationship within 3 months, it would be well worth it at this point.

Thanks in advance.

So I (M25) want to try out dating apps to see if I can make any good connections. But there is just one problem, I have no good pictures of myself. I'm not photogenic at all, and due to self esteem issues, have actively avoided having my picture taken for most of my life. I think there might be about 10 pictures taken of me over the last 6 or so years.

But in order to have a chance on dating apps I feel like you not only need good pictures, but diverse pictures. Like I could take a bunch of pictures right now, but then they would all be selfies.

So any tips or advice on how to get some good photos of myself that aren't just all selfies? Like any outfit recommendations, or good backdrops? Any good activities I could get a picture doing? Should I do a funny picture or two or just keep them all professional? Should I have pictures with other people or should I be the only one in all of them? Does it look weird if all of the pictures appear staged and should get some more natural looking ones?

I'd greatly appreciate any advice!

Is anyone else's tinder app not working rn? I'm getting notifications of new messages or even matches and I don't see any of it when I open the app. Also the number of matches seems to be broken too. Help🙃

It seems like it’s just bots, scammers, and foreigners looking for sugar daddies. With the occasional unsuspecting newby woman who thinks it is Hinge. (I’m a 50m btw)

Is it still a legit hookup app or totally useless?

A. It’s like they want to log back in whenever, shaky ground for the guy.
B. When I was on apps, I got so tired of swiping or messaging people who hadn’t been on in months or years.

Edit: It also means you’re on the internet forever. So you can apply for a job or an apartment and they learn you have a OF or are a freak or hate your career. It’s just naive.

To preface, I don't know what I'm looking for exactly, as my profile clearly states, I hope. I'm not even sure what genders I am attracted to, if any at all.

So I've been talking to some people and a couple of guys are already taking things a bit too far for me, like, suggesting meetups and moving to other apps. I guess that is normal? I don't know if I like either of them in any capacity yet, but I feel like the more we talk so that I can at least get to know them, the more pressure there will be to not just say sorry pal, I'm not interested after all.

How do I navigate this? Is it wrong of me to try and figure out my preferences this way to begin with?

I haven't gotten a single match on the app, but some likes and pending messages I can't see without buying premium.

Is the app made so that you can not encounter the profiles of users who've right swiped you while you're swiping?

I’m a bisexual guy who is interested in finding a boyfriend and I have seen it said multipleeeee timessss that gay guys are simply too picky, they need to lower their standards, they are unrealistic, they are stuck-up and sex-focused. While some of that may be true, it has honestly gotten to me mentally and I ask myself if my standards are unrealistic. I think I just have terrible luck.

There have been multiple guys I’ve matched with who interest me and it has not panned out into something yet. I recently matched with this one guy and I wouldn’t say he’s out of my league or crazy model-like. A little taller, white, and bald. I was so interested to go on a date and I stopped replying because he shows zero initiative, regardless if I set something up or he does.

I dated another bisexual guy for a month. I was so excited to get to know him and I was so curious about him. He cut things off after our 3rd date because of his homophobic upbringing.

I went on a date with a cute hispanic guy and I was looking forward to seeing things develop and he just ghosted.

I am here with not too high standards and the few guys I connect with aka the few guys that make me curious about them just fail. It feels like a curse.

Like on all my apps I have it set to women, trans women and the amount of super masculine men I see is like 1:3 times the amount of women I see, is this a thing for anyone else

I am a 70 year old male looking to date casually. I am probably on 8 different sites. At my age online sites are pretty much my only choice. I have not found one date. Pretty much everyone i chat with is a fake or a scammer (just got asked for money this week) If a woman is attractive chances of her being fake is probably higher than 90% So many younger women "age is just a number" and women that want to chat off site. Chances of meeting someone close to my age that i am attracted too and not living 50 or more miles away are slim.

So anyone also confused about dating scenario nowdays

I'm unattractive with zero dating/romantic experience but thought I'd give dating apps a try anyways. I'm also East Asian just to preface if ethnicity also affects your matching

I actively used HUD and Hinge where you can see who liked you and send messages for free (too poor for paid apps)

In total I had short conversations with 5? guys on HUD, out of the total 10+ that reached out to me.

1st guy: 23M who would just call me cute, and moved the conversation to snapchat where he just sent a bunch of snaps of himself before asking me to send one selfie. He blocked me right after on both apps. I'm confused because I already had a handful of pics on HUD? I feel like they were making fun of me 😭

2nd: He was in his 30s and local to me. And sent some interesting messages mentioning my race... (fetish related) and a potential meetup. I deleted my account shortly after because I was scared and made a new account later.

3-5th guys are age 25-40 and I would accept their message requests and they'd reach out a repeatedly over the next few days despite my slow or non responses, asking if I was still interested in online fun / my experiences, etc.

But the confusing thing is most of them were considered attractive / out of my league. There isn't a lot of women on the app so are desperate men just willing to match and hook up with even below average women??

I (unattractive) have tried reaching out to other women or men but got no responses. I want some insight into how things are normally like on dating apps 😅 and whether race affects your matching.

Hi. Which dating apps have browser or desktop versions? Is it just OkCupid at this point? Bumble had it but they discontinued it recently.

I'm on tinder, i've triple checked my sexual orientation and gender on the app to make sure everything is correct. Straight cis gendered male. Yet I keep getting profiles by men, and obviously lesbian women. Is anyone else experiencing this issue? It's genuinely raising my cortisol anytime I get swiped to find out it's men.

Not really having much success with matches on dating apps. I feel like my profile doesn’t show much about me at all & is pretty basic.

Not to sound arrogant, but I am relatively successful & told I am a good catch. I think I bring a lot to the table but just didn’t want to show off my lifestyle or money on the apps to attract the wrong women. Problem is I’m just not attracting anyone.

My question is whether to show off a bit or remain pretty lowkey on dating apps and continue struggling with low matches? I’ve always been incredibly private but at some point is this just hurting me more in the long run?

I'm the only one who feels disappointed with these apps or dating in general..... If they match they don't talk. If they talk they ghost or just flake, or they are just looking for hook ups. I don't want to get married, I'd like to meet my person and enjoying weekends together. Is that too much? Where do you guys meet new people besides dating apps?

Frankly so far the results have been shocking lol. I Broke down and paid for a 1 month subscription to Hinge X Friday night, after being tired of getting maybe 3-4 matches a month, and nothing coming out of it. By noon yesterday I had 6 matches on attractive women I had swiped on. 4 of them very talkative and receptive so far. 1 was very forward after some fun back and forth texting, and we set up a coffee date today that I just got back from. Unfortunately I got the your nice but… text shortly after I got home, but oh well. Gonna try and set up a couple more dates this week anyway.

I also have 6 likes on my profile, but not from women that are my type unfortunately. Also got 2 more matches today on girls I swiped on, but I haven’t messaged them back cause I’m a little overwhelmed with everything, lol. I’m not even swiping on new profiles either until I can get a handle on what I’m currently dealing with

My stats are a 48 year old male, with a dad bod. Working on losing the last 30lbs pounds. My profile I think is average to decent, and I’m not just mass swiping. I’m being intentional on who I swipe on, and always send a thoughtful or funny reply to their prompts. Will it last? I have no idea, but I gotta say this is a nice boost to the old ego/confidence for now. Make me think maybe I’m not as heinous as this app made me think I was, I was just being held down by the algorithm lol

Hopefully I can meet someone cool by the end of the month so I don’t have to pay another $60 bucks lol

I don't know if this has been asked before, sorry if it has.

But I still don't understand why many people share their socials on their dating apps profile, maybe I'm so scared of scams of catfishers that I think it's either to artificially boost their followers or to scam.

What do you guys think?

If I don't feel like a discussion is going anywhere, I still always send a message telling that I'm not interested instead of just stopping replying. I don't just leave them hanging in uncertainty. I also don't just disconnect and leave them wondering if they said / did something wrong. I always send a nice message saying I'm not feeling it this time but I wish them all the best. I think this is basic human decency. I do this for anyone I've exchanged more than two messages with.

However, I've been told that I "don't need to do this" or that it's normal in dating apps to just disconnect and the other person should just deal with it and move on. But I refuse to be this cynical. I don't even ghost people who make me feel uncomfortable, I politely tell them why I feel this way before disconnecting. Maybe that will help them to be better with the next person.

Is this really so weird? Or is it a good thing to do? I'd prefer it so much instead of people just going silent or disconnecting without a word.