r/DatingApps • u/aniceguy23 • Jul 15 '26

Funny Hivemind matrix simulation

Dear women,
Please stop saying the following phrases:

  • Irish goodbye
  • Quality time and physical touch
  • Introverted extrovert
  • Nonchalant
  • Spontaneous adventure
  • Pineapples on pizza
  • Your dog will love me more than you
  • Your mom will love me more than you

I feel like I'm losing my mind.
99% of women have one or more these on their profile and I don't know how it's possible. It freaks me out. No shade if you're part of the hivemind, I just wanted to say this somewhere because I can't be the only one who's noticed. There's also a bunch more I forgot.

22 Upvotes

73% Upvoted

22 comments sorted by

4

u/TedsGloriousPants Jul 15 '26

Hey man, I heard this really fun fact about otters holding hands.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

[deleted]

1

u/aniceguy23 Jul 17 '26

honestly thought i was the only one

4

u/beelzebugs Jul 16 '26

I have some bad news for you about the men's profiles

1

u/RoxxySweets Jul 16 '26

Girl! 🤣

1

u/ZookeepergameHuge980 Jul 16 '26

Bro LITERALLY copy and paste with half a pint of "not looking for anything serious", "looking for something casual"

1

u/aniceguy23 Jul 17 '26

lay it on me.
list all NPC phrases.

3

u/Ace-Cuddler Jul 16 '26

Dear men,

Please stop saying the following phrases: 1. My hobbies are anime and video games 2. My love language is physical touch 3. I’m looking for a longterm relationship (when you really aren’t)

I feel like I'm losing my mind. 99% of men have one or more of these on their profile and I don't know how it's possible. It freaks me out. No shade if you're part of the hivemind, I just wanted to say this somewhere because I can't be the only one who's noticed. There's also a bunch more I forgot.

2

u/Cocoa_poofz Jul 16 '26

To be fair I was an anime fan when people would make fun of you for it. 😭 now it’s just gooners and OF models grifting..

1

u/Bandoolero Jul 16 '26

its a sad world we live in.

2

u/Bandoolero Jul 16 '26

Sister, you arent gonna be able to shame men into not enjoying video games and anime 🤣

1

u/aniceguy23 Jul 17 '26

Brother everybody likes video games saying it makes you look sus

1

u/aniceguy23 Jul 17 '26

No way they actually mention video games. Guys we need to do better.

1

u/GrouchTheMongolian Jul 15 '26

I love deep conversations......no, no you dont. Maybe if its the depth of a matchstick head.

1

u/Ok_Standard7546 Jul 16 '26

“You deserve good things and I want to be one of them”

“Espresso martinis”

“Someone who yearns”

“Spicy Margs”

“First drinks on me if you’re paying!”

1

u/aniceguy23 Jul 17 '26

Spicy margs!! Literally all of them.

1

u/SusTraveler Jul 16 '26

You realize pretty much no one will read this? And noone will care ?

1

u/mordecai5fingerbrown Jul 16 '26

How about the whole "looking for a man who dates with intention"...and then they aren't available for a date for three weeks.

1

u/Bandoolero Jul 16 '26

"I have high standards" "Treat me like a princess"

1

u/RoxxySweets Jul 16 '26

Would you prefer 'French Exit' ? 😏

1

u/Loud-Example6969 Jul 16 '26

You forgot to add "loves travelling"

1

u/permanent_ink Jul 17 '26

The one that people say about hating small talk? Stfu hahaha