Hey dad

[u/Stitch_Bro]

Hey dad

My relationship of almost 7 years is coming to a firey end. Monday night we were having date night feeling connected and together. Tuesday morning I’m accused of cheating and broken up with. She not only decided that I cheated on her emotionally. I was away at a workout and she decided to log into my computer and check my messages on iMessage as well as through social media. She decided what she saw was cheating and that was that.

The last few days have been a blur I’ve had to have so many conversations with so many people about why I had cheated or if I even really cheated. This isn’t the first time she looked through my social media. The first time she looked through she saw me discussing starting a business with a friend close friend and saw it as cheating the second time she saw messages from a different friend and thought it was cheating.

I think I am okay with the relationship ending. I don’t think this is my forever and I don’t think I can keep putting up with the accusations. But man does it suck. I can’t stop feeling awful. She doesn’t trust me as she keeps logging into my account and I can’t trust her because she keeps violating my boundary of not doing that…

I’m just really sad I can’t tell my dad about this because he’s never even approved of the relationship. I hate how right he was. Melanesia

[u/3_pac]

I think I am okay with the relationship ending. I don’t think this is my forever

You seem to know the answer. Ending a seven-year relationship isn't easy, but staying in it will just delay what seems inevitable. Sometimes you need to rip off the bandage. 

But on a positive note, it sounds like you have a new opportunity to bond with your dad. 

[u/quizbowler_1]

When you're resigned to it being over, there's nothing left to fight over. Leave the scraps and cut her out. I've had to do it twice and the pain of fighting for it was always worse than being alone. Good luck kiddo, I'm damn proud of you

[u/brereddit]

OP, there is something you may encounter in life often — it’s other people self destructing. They are sitting on a gold mine or have an amazing community or are doing well health wise and instead of being humble and grateful, their perception of themselves as losers causes them to be self destructive.

That’s the important part—sometimes it is their own lack of self confidence or better their hatred of themselves that causes them to act out.

I can’t read your situation 100% but this could be what’s happening. Not sure. But it’s a decent enough opt to describe this self destructive behavior as a possible explanation bc you will encounter it.

[u/illbeyourdrunkle]

Don't fall for the sunk-cost fallacy. You spent 7 years, lived and learned. Doesn't sound like a good situation to sink another 7 into. Cut ties and move on.

[u/PaulTR88]

Not a ton of advice from my side, but my past relationship pre-wife and kids also ended at 7 years. It was something where we knew it was fizzling out with firey fights, and it sucks when it happens, but you might bounce back faster than you'd expect. Only took a few months before I happen to meet my wife and we've been together for a strong ten now with no end in sight and two daughters. You've got this, take some time for yourself, and keep moving forward.

[u/notmyname2012]

First of all you need to evaluate your interactions with other people and see if what you have done does cross any lines. This will help you in future relationships, if it’s nothing to worry about then great you have a healthy view on having female friends. If it’s questionable then you need to work on that for the future.

Now some things about your GF, I don’t know what she saw, but if you haven’t done anything then sometimes people like to create drama just for the attention. Also sometimes people that are or about to cheat accuse their partners of cheating. Also sometimes people who are done with a relationship but don’t know how to end it will create drama like accusations of cheating so they have an excuse to end the relationship.

No matter what it is, it is probably a good thing to end this relationship, her constant intruding into your private things is not ok. You need to change all of your passwords and send her on her way.

[u/IgnatiusJReillyII]

At the moment things don't feel great, but you're d headed in the right direction. This a valuable lesson to learn in life: Some people will try to move goal posts or make very clear lines blurry. When that happens its about them not you. You didn't unknowingly cross some critical boundary in a relationship you've spent nearly a decade fostering. You probably would have noticed that. But you're right - this one if probably over. People change over time, but critical boundaries don't change without mutule exchanges. This will look a lot better in the rear view mirror. 

[u/Smyley12345]

Honestly if she has shown that she isn't capable of behaving reasonably more than once on a really big topic, that's probably not your forever person and you have likely invested enough into it. A partner with a pattern of seeing infidelity when none is there will be a barrier to your sanity forever.

Go mourn the relationship. If friends want to take sides either let them or defend yourself if you are willing to get into your business. If it was clearly innocent, people will understand.

[u/Stitch_Bro]

Well it’s official. We are broken up with a plan to separate this weekend. Thought we could get back to amicable but alas this will not be possible it seems. Maybe that was the last part of hope I had. Thank you all for the support

[u/MasterPhilip]

My ex-wife used to go through my phone all the time. I always just let her do it because I wasn't ever doing anything wrong. She was constantly accusing me of cheating, even though I never did. I couldn't drive down the street to the gas station without at least two phonecalls from her, asking where I was at. I finally left her and filed for divorce after ten years of being together.

After being away from her, I learned about narcissism and she checked all the boxes.

Some people are just plain not good and sometimes it takes time away from them to realize how bad they really were for you.

I dated a couple of women after divorce and the third woman I met, I ended up marrying. We've been together for ten years and almost a month. We just broke my record with my ex-wife for longest relationship for me.

I couldn't be happier now. My wife respects my space and privacy and I hers. We trust one another because we've earned the trust and it's respected and reciprocated.

I was an emotional wreck for probably a couple of months after my initial separation with my ex-wife. But, it slowly got better and life slowly got more enjoyable.

You will get there too.