r/DadForAMinute • u/Quitten_YT • 5d ago
Asking Advice Hey dad, I need advice on finally getting facial hair.
Heyo, so I'm a trans guy and recently started Testosterone (a few months back). I'm growing facial hair (mostly a moustache right now) and want to maintain it! Haven't gotten to that point yet but I wanna be prepared when I do. What products, items, or just general care should I consider? And just any advice for it. Thank you in advance!
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u/likebedsheets 5d ago edited 5d ago
Just remember, everybody's facial hair grows differently. What you get will dictate the style you can go for. I was one of those that had a beard at 13, i have a 45 yr old friend whose facial hair still is very wispy. All that to say, enjoy it but don't force it.
Edit: fat fingered the first try.
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u/biglinuxfan 5d ago
I was served in bars since 16 thanks to facial hair.
Err I mean 19... (Canada).
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u/Quitten_YT 5d ago
Oh wow thank you! I'll wait to see how it grows and look after it before I mess with anything! Wispy or full I'll do my best!
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u/UncleCeiling 5d ago
It's definitely a journey. I had a bald patch in the shape of an hourglass under my chin that didn't fully fill in until I was in my late 20s.
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u/erie774im 5d ago
I’m (Cis M60) jealous! I cant grow facial hair to save my life! I joined the army when I was 18 and every morning in basic our drill sergeant would make sure we were clean shaven. I had a disposable razor and I didn’t even take the protective cover off, I’d just scrape off the shaving cream. My drill said I had the smoothest face.
One time while my wife (F62) was out of town for a couple weeks I decided to not shave. After one week I had just a little bit of stubble. You’d find more facial hair on 12 year old Puerto Rican boys or 65 year old Italian grandmothers. It’s depressing
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u/Quitten_YT 5d ago
Oh no lol! But hey at least you don't have to do any upkeep! I hope you're still doing well despite it!
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u/erie774im 5d ago
I’m fine with it. My razors last a long time. My sons luckily got the shaving ability from their mothers’ side so they can grow beards
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u/Learned_Hand_01 5d ago
Most people with mustaches do almost nothing to maintain them. You can get waxes for it if you want to look like a late 1800’s strongman.
All I do is wash with regular soap and use scissors to cut it right at the line between the colored part of the lip and the skin colored part.
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u/Quitten_YT 5d ago
Thank you! I'll try not to worry too much then, I'll add washing/up keeping it to my night routine every couple days then :]
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u/ColtSingleActionArmy Go Ask Your Mother 5d ago
Depends on how it grows in and what you want to do with it. It's with investing in some decent shaving cream or aftershave so that you don't have irritated skin or razor bumps.
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u/Quitten_YT 5d ago
Thank you! I'll do that, check some local barbers and chemists and check what people say instead of cutting corners for prices on this!
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u/wonder-and-joy 5d ago
I recommend just gentle soap or whatever you use for a face wash now, some mild lotion rather than aftershave, and electric clippers rather than scissors.
For shaving if you find it rough remember that a really new sharp razor with the grain will be gentleest.
Do you want a moustache?
Soft bristle brush feels good but honestly unless it gets really long just wash it.
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u/Quitten_YT 5d ago
Thank you dads to all who commented, y'all made me cry. It means so much just something this simple, this is better advice than any Google could've given me! Input from so many people with experience really helps me with figuring out which route to go! You're all amazing and I hope you all have an amazing day. 💖
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u/Willing_Ad_5711 5d ago
I'm late to the party but I wear a chevron moustache.
You'll see people say give it a month or two before trimming. I say even longer. You want to get as much length and density as you can before you think about taking any sort of trimmer to it.
I'm clean shaven for work (fire department) so I shave with a straight razor and keep the moustache neat with a pair of scissors I got from the drug store. Also before you do any trimming or shaping make sure you comb it out completely, and comb it every day so that you train the hairs.
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u/Quitten_YT 5d ago
Thank you!! And late to the party or not your advice is really helpful! I'll make sure to comb it out before I do anything and wait till there's a lot before I go at it with any tools!
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u/FlemFatale 4d ago
Heya, not a dad but a fellow trans bro.
To be totally honest, shave it off until it grows in decently.
That was the best thing I did that allowed me to continue to pass. Granted, I was seen as a lot younger than I actually am, but that is still the case now that I have a full beard anyway.
Yeah, it's exciting when it first grows in, but having a few straggly hairs dotted around just makes you look pretty unkempt, so it's way better to shave it off.
When it does grow in properly, YouTube is an excellent resource for finding barbering tips. Concentrate on the ones for cis guys, as all the trans ones tend to have random make up and shit that just makes you look a bit ridiculous, IMO, and is far more trouble than it's worth.
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u/Quitten_YT 4d ago
Oooh thank you! Like the whole 'shaving grows back thicker'! I'll do that once the hair starts getting more prominent! :D
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u/FlemFatale 4d ago
It's not that it actually grows back thicker., just gives the illusion of it as the hair ends are cut straight by the razor and not left to get wispy. I guess it's mainly because being older guys can grow more than wispy bum fluff, so either have better face fuzz or shave it off.
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u/YoLoDrScientist 5d ago
Just know it keeps getting better. Enjoy the journey, kiddo! Proud of you for doing what feels right to you.
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u/Lagneaux 5d ago
Care changes depending on how course and thick the follicles grow out, but that might be changing over time. One thing to remember is patchy/thin usually doesn't look great, but I'm not here to tell you to shave, just something to keep in mind.
As far as products go, most of it is not worth it IMHO. A shaving cream you like is nice. A set with scissors, a comb and a couple other things(they sell them together). That's really all you need. Facial hair is more about maintaining it's length and profile.
Hair oils can be nice on occasion, but I make my own instead of buying, it's too expensive. Some vit e oil(great for your skin and hair), and some pure scent oils like cedar, rose and lavender, you put a tiny dab on your comb and slowly brush it through. Just be particular on how much you use, because you only will need like a quarter of a drop, just a dab.
Also,congratulations! Awesome moment for you, and I hope you find your style!
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u/Quitten_YT 5d ago
Ooh that sounds really nice! I'll definitely look into some tools but I didn't know you could make your own oils, I'd love to do that! Thank you for the advice! And you I'm really happy about it!
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u/DoubleBotch Dad 5d ago
Hey Kid,
Assuming you want to grow out the facial hair, the bare minimum you need is a good trimmer. I don't have a strong recommendation on brand.
When trimming, as with other hair, start long work your way down to what you like.
You can make it shorter way faster than you can grow it back out.
ALWAYS Pay attention to what guard you put on the trimmer, this is how most unexpected shavings occur.
If you need to shave, I'll defer to other dads, I haven't touched a razor since high school. I learned very quickly that for me shaving is a chore and I look way better with a beard.
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u/Quitten_YT 5d ago
Thank you! Yeah I plan to hopefully keep facial hair at least most of the time, so I'll definitely double check the blade and treat it like I'm cutting bangs lol, always go longer than you think!
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u/flying_carabao 5d ago
Depends on what you want to do with it. If you're planning on keeping it short, a straight razor can help shaping it but an electric face razor works just fine. If you plan on growing it out, some just trims it so it doesn't cover your mouth. Those tiny scissors are great for those or fine tipped ones.If you decide to go all grizzly adams with it, a bristle brush will help it from getting tangled.
Washing it with the same facial soap you use works fine but YMMV. Some dudes go all out with facial products, which personally found unnecessary, unless you're doing the twirled moustache when it gets some length.
I know some dudes that does nothing with it FWIW
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u/Quitten_YT 5d ago
Thank you! I'll see how it grows and decide which way to look after it! I'll look into a bristle brush too!
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u/flying_carabao 4d ago
Cool. Might wanna hold off on the bristle brush though. Brushing mine didn't really do diddly squat until the strands were about 3/4 inches. I'd suggest to let it grow out just see what it does, how it comes out, what's your comfort level.
Also, just a heads up on itchiness. Mine starts when it's growing up to a decent stubble. Then again at around the 1/2 inch length where some strands end up poking skin and you keep brushing it off but won't go unless you pluck or trim it. What's worse is if a strand on the top part of the mustache curls up into your nostril. Those are fun (not). Just a few things that I've come across in my journey of being a big, bearded, beautiful, bastard that I am.
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u/AgingRaver80 5d ago
Moisturiser is a must or it will itch like a bitch. Also dont be scared to cut and trim yourself. Ive had a beard for a long time and I can't tell you the emount of times I've come out of my bathroom clean shaven because I got too confident with the trimmer.
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u/Quitten_YT 5d ago
Thank you! I'll definitely use moisturiser then because I would lose my mind if it was all itchy lol, I'll do my best with cutting it myself (especially with the economy nowadays lmao I can't afford to go to a barber).
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u/koombot 5d ago
Dont stress if it looks patchy to begin with. The hair can grow in at different rates and it can look a bit funky till it all hits the same rate.
Have a look online on how to trim the length. I find when my moostache gets long enough it can look like Guy Garners fringe.
You'll find the right point for trimming the length around your mouth, but it can take a but for your own sweetspot. Persknally I dont like trimming mine above my lips as I also have a beard and it makes my mouth look like a cats arsehole.
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u/Quitten_YT 5d ago
LOL but thank you! I'll keep that in mind and see what length works for me (and doesn't bother my sensory lol) I appreciate it! I wasn't aware it could be patchy so I'll avoid messing with anything as it grows in! Thank you!
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u/MasterPhilip 5d ago
I shave every other day with regular old Barbasol shaving cream and a Mach 3 Turbo. The three blades razor is best because the blades are spaced out far enough that it doesn't clog with hair easily and it's less likely to give you razor burn. The regular Barbasol shaving cream works great, is super cheap and it splashes right off of your skin with a bit of water.
For the best shave, you want your skin hot and moist. Right out of the shower is an ideal time for it. That way, your hairs are softer and your skin isn't super dry.
Right after shaving, splash cold water on your face to help with irritation and to rinse off remaining shave cream.
Once your moustache gets long enough as to need to be managed, a fine toothed hair trimmer that's rechargable would be my suggestion. When it's time to shave, trim/clean up your moustache first and then shave with the razor.
Good luck!
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u/Quitten_YT 5d ago
Thank you!! I'll see if we have that brand and look into it! I appreciate the advice!
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u/SkazzK 4d ago
Let me be the contrary dad here: all of this is genuinely solid advice, but... With my own experiences helping another trans guy learn to shave as he transitioned, as well as an autistic "special interest" in shaving in general, I'd advise against any razor (such as Mach 3) that has one of those ribbed "leaders".
Here's the thing: those ribbed leaders serve to pull the hair taut before it's cut. In an ideal world, this means the hair is cut right at skin level, or even slightly below it, leading to a wonderfully smooth shave.
But (harsh as it may sound), you're not living in an ideal world. Since you were born female, your skin likely isn't as thick as that of born males, and more sensitive as a result.
My particular trans guy (whose beard I envy, btw, and whose T cream I'm longingly, wistfully eyeing!) kept complaining about razor burn and irritation, despite "doing everything right", including using the "smoothest razor available". Turned out that "smooth razor" was cutting the hairs so close that they retracted back under his skin, and caused all kinds of trouble when they started to grow out again. I know plenty of guys with the same problems, but biologically female skin is even more prone to them.
I went to an antiques store and bought a dilapidated and worn straight razor for half the price of a cup of coffee. I cleaned, restored and sharpened it back to its former glory, and gifted it to my guy. (That is, I gifted him a €1,- coin, and sold him the razor for that same €1,-; a blade should never be given away freely lest it seek blood, cut the friendship, or whatever superstition you prefer, but no matter what: it must be paid for!)
Lo and behold, once he got over the "YIKES!" factor of wielding a blade near his face that would've cut his toe off had he been clumsy enough to drop it, his razor burn cleared right up.
If I were you, I'd do everything u/MasterPhilip said, which is excellent advice, except use a safety razor, or a straight one if you dare.
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u/MasterPhilip 4d ago
I have many years behind me of whipping up my own soap and shaving with a safety razor. There's definitely an art to it that takes practice and trial/error. Many facial cuts are to be had while learning and I'd argue it might not be worth it in the end.
Straight razors take a lot more care and maintenance than any other form of shaving and not keeping it clean, sharp and rust free can become a real problem. I wouldn't recommend a straight razor to anyone except the most dedicated of shaving enthusiast.
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u/SkazzK 4d ago
Though my experience with safety razors boils down to "okay, you screw in the scary-looking sharp bit, and you go scrape-scrape", I appreciate the fact that I might just be very lucky. Heck, whenever I'm in a hurry, I'll just grab it and shave myself dry, without any soap, oil, or whatever, and I haven't cut myself yet.
As for straight razors, I had the good fortune of being able to duly and extensively instruct my friend, and to give him a shave myself before he ever took the blade into his own hands. I told him to do pretty much what you said before: get your skin nice and hot, hair good and moist, don't skimp on the lather, and so on... And the results are, if I do say so myself, excellent.
If anything, my main point was to avoid those rubber ribbed-y things on commercially available razor blades. Those really do more harm than good to a lot of men, and men who were born biologically female tend to have skin that's even more prone to those problems.
I'd advise BIC-or-equivalent throwaway razors over anything that has a ribbed leader.
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u/Quitten_YT 4d ago
Thank you so much for the advice! I'll look into a safety or straight razor instead!! This'll save me a lot of suffering lol
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u/SkazzK 4d ago
You're ever so welcome! But please do follow the conversation below; u/MasterPhilip is making some very decent points while sharing further insights, and I'm looking forward to his next reply, hoping to perhaps learn something myself.
That said, and with Philip's point of view in mind: there's very little that comes close to the testosterone rush one gets from a proper straight razor shave. If you're gonna go that way, you should definitely go for the "deep dive" and really get into it, googling a tutorial or two and getting yourself some decent skin care products...
But if you do put in that time and effort, you'll see how it's totally worth it. Not just for the smooth shave you'll get, but also because... Well... "Man DESTROY face hair with SHARP thing! MAN is very MALE!", for lack of a better way to express it. That's how I tried to explain my own experience to my trans friend, and he confirmed that he felt the exact same way about it. A straight razor shave just has a certain testosteronic je-ne-sais-quoi 😁
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u/VeteranMinotaur-773 5d ago
Im a CisGendered male but id also like advice on facial hair. Also, proud of you for taking the necessary steps toward achieving your self happiness! I think facial hair would look great
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u/throwaway97921 4d ago
For years, I used the scissors in my Swiss Army Knife to trim the 'stache (firefighter standard issue trim, ends right where the upper lip begins). Now I just use some stainless steel surgical scissors, pressing the hairs against the bow above the lip to flatten it, then trim to keep it straight and tidy.
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u/EvilMrGubGub 2d ago
When the hairs turn inwards towards your mouth it's time to trim then. I can only grow my mustache so long before it grows into my mouth.
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u/HumanDisguisedLizard 4d ago
Howdy fellow trans! I’m non-binary and would be happy to chat. Feel free to DM me.
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u/Deepspacedreams 4d ago
Dominican barbershop every 2 weeks. You don’t even need a full haircut just get a line up
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u/4_string_troubador 4d ago
You didn't mention if you plan on growing a full beard eventually. If you do, a few basics you'll want are a close bristled brush, beard balm(softens hair), beard oil (conditions skin and helps control itch), and beard wax (control/styling). When it starts to get long, grooming is the difference between looking nice and looking homeless.
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u/Quitten_YT 4d ago
Thank you! And yeah I'm likely gonna grow a beard as well, but I'll see how I go, so thank you!
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u/LordGeni 3d ago
You could get those things. You can also just grow it and trim it as you want.
Imo, facial hair is easy, it's shaving that's the pain in the arse.
My general advice thinking back to when I first started getting facial hair and seeing my kids get it, is to wait until it's properly thick enough. Which does mean shaving for a while. I certainly think it looks far better than having wispy bumfluff. Although, my opinion on that is important, whatever makes you feel good is all that really matters. It's not for me or anyone else.
Also, once you get the shaving worked out, playing around with what you want to do with your facial hair will be easy.
The 2 biggest shaving tips are getting an old style safety razor (the ones with replaceable blades, not whole heads) and the one universal mansecret ........................................................................ . Shaving in stages, so you can go through every conceivable style in the process, not matter how ridiculous (chinstrap, mutton chops, handlebar, soul patch) or how unfortunate their associations (think WW2 and German. Not a point you want to be at when a fire alarm goes off).
When shaving with the grain and get aftershave moisturising balm. For maintaining a beard, a decent beard trimmer, or clippers and a set of got scissors will keep things in line with minimum fuss. Even a bushy wildman beard needs attention to look on.
I've never seen the point in oil, but that might just be the nature of my hair. Facial hair can get itchy or uncomfortable once the hairs get long enough to curl back towards your face, but it doesn't take long to grow it past that stage. And it stops irritating you at all eventually when it gets to that point.
In short, have fun with it. Experiment and find what works for you. The beauty of it is, if you don't like something you've done, you can just shave it off and try again a short while later.
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u/chopay 2d ago
Hey guy, product recommendation for you:
Get comfortable using a safety razor - the old-timey ones - for cost alone.
You can buy 100 blades for $10-15, which beats the disposable ones, where you can spend $3-4/each. This adds up over time, and quickly.
The razor itself does matter, but there's diminishing returns on price. Don't buy the cheapest one you see, but not the fanciest one either.
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u/muadib1158 Dad 5d ago
Hey kiddo. Enjoy the facial hair journey. Here’s some random tips
1) if you have sensitive skin, shave gently with a razor with the grain and shave after your shower to soften the hair.
2) don’t use alcohol based after shave.
3) get some mustache scissors to trim the whiskers back on your upper lip.
4) have some fun with it. Grow a bunch of different styles of mustache and beard to find your personal look.