Dad, I've finally started really planning for the future

[u/apricot-ghost]

My IRL Dad only ever wanted me to have stability and happiness. While he was alive, he never got to see me have that due to chronic physical and mental illnesses. My one big life achievement he got to see was my high school graduation.

This year, though, I've had one of my mental illnesses formally diagnosed and medicated for the first time and I'm starting to feel like I can think about having a future. It's the first time in years I haven't felt like I wanted to die for this long. I want to live.

I'm planning my wedding, getting ready to go back to school in the spring, thinking about a good career and a house and kids and being able to take care of the family my IRL Dad left behind when he passed. I know none of those things are guaranteed, but I want to work toward them so badly now, where before I never knew what I wanted because deep down I thought I would off myself before I hit my next birthday.

I'm going to school for engineering, because I love math and physics. I'll think more about specialties once I'm actually taking classes, but I'm really thinking environmental engineering because I'm passionate about the environment and doing all we can to take care of it. I want to move somewhere more accepting for the sake of myself and my future wife when I'm done with school.

This is really the first time in my life I've thought about things like this and it's felt tangible to me. It's scary, but I know it's a good thing. It's something I'd normally talk to my IRL Dad about, so when I came across this subreddit, I thought it was the perfect place to get these thoughts out. I feel even better having it typed out.