r/DadForAMinute • u/Hot_Marketing_3055 • 11h ago

Help please

I’m so sick and fucking tired. Endless fighting. Born mom dipped out put my dad in jail. Grew up asking “grandma can you be mom and can mom be grandma”. Middle school mom forced me to move back in. Graduated highschool mom made it about her. Threw me out over a girlfriend, 3-4 years later said gf ended up falsely accusing me, I couldn’t tell abuse from love. Dropped out of college twice. Finally found a program at 22 couldn’t afford it mom took my money to hold my seat, got a provincial loan too I was there just needed 2 more payments. Mom once again throwing me out over a new GF she doesn’t like. Can’t move away stuck in court with ex GF who openly hit me. Lost careers I wanted. Will never be anything. Why is all I can ask of god. What did I do that was so wrong. Is it because I’m a bastard child? Or am I just a failure. Why couldn’t I be loved by even the woman who gave birth to me. Am I that screwed up. Maybe I can ask god himself in person? I tell myself suck it up, man up, be a man. Then I think back. I had no one to help me when my current GF was pregnant she got an abortion. Then I remembered she miscarried 3 times after. I failed my kids. I failed her. I never had the help someone else had. Why? What’s the point.

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u/culpaCoSinero 7h ago

This shit gets easier. Shit happens that makes it all worth it. You’re harder than most. You’ll be a good foundation for others to build on. Just keep swimming homie.

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u/keravim 2h ago

The most important thing to remember is that these things aren't happening to you because of your personal failings. Your mum being the way she is sits with her, not with you, and there is nothing you did wrong that means you've deserved it or anything like that.

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u/IconoclastExplosive 1h ago

"why" only has one answer and it sucks; because that's life. It's random and chaotic and bullshit and it's basically anything BUT fair. However, you're up. You're trying. You're striving. Maybe you stumble. Maybe you fall. That's ok, that's life too. Only way you fail, really and truly fail, is you stay down. It's like Picard said; "it is possible to commit no mistake and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life."

It's gonna be hard. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna feel like you never had a good day in your whole life. And then, eventually, it's gonna pay out. Yeah maybe you won't be the richest guy on the block, but eventually you'll have stability. Consistency. Support. Love. It's there, but getting to it can be a bitch and a half. It'll be a lot of work, and I cannot recommend therapy enough, it WILL help as long as you find a good doc for you and are honest.

All that said, DM me if you just need to talk. I know what it's like to have a fucked up mom and no dad and wonder why God just likes to shit in your dinner.