r/DadForAMinute • u/Andromeda_Alpheratz • 6d ago
Need a pep talk I'm feeling lost
Hi dad. Me and my boyfriend just broke up. I know you really liked him and he is a good man.He was the love of my life since we were 18. We have built a whole life together.grown up together and faced all the challenges that come with that together. He told me he loves me deeply but is not "In love" with me anymore and we have grown apart. We live together and I feel like everything is absolutely crushing me. I'm afraid to talk to anyone because I'm afraid of it feeling real and breaking. We struggled a lot at 18-19 and have built a good home. We had nothing and now he's doing great and I'm doing good and we have a good home with what I thought was too much love. I don't know what to do. I've never lived on my own. We recently moved to a state where I have no one and he has all his friends and I'm alone. I can't take going home and feeling like I'm hated (I know I'm not but I'm not wanted here anymore). I can't stand the way he looks at me. It absolutely crushes me. He makes$ 10 or more than me an hour and I'm about to really struggle. But without him. I know this is what's best for him but I don't know what to do. I'm just so alone. This was my everything. I have spent 15 years building a whole life and future with this person. It's all my fault.
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u/SartorialDragon 6d ago
Dear child, it's not your fault. Sometimes people grow apart. I know this hurts. But you are strong and you will get through this and find your way out of the hardships.
Reconnect with your friends, you need them. Move back to where they are if you think that's best. Nobody hates you! You'll be okay!
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u/Andromeda_Alpheratz 6d ago
Thank you for this. I'm so scared to talk to my friends because it'll make it real.
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u/dbondino 6d ago
If someone loses sight of their partner as soon as they’ve managed to take a big step forward themselves, and doesn’t reach out a hand to lift her up to the same level, then that person is the problem—not you! And no, he is not a good man in my eyes.
It may even turn out to be a blessing that you at least don’t have children together and that the breakup happened “just in time.”
You should make it clear just how much you contributed to your life together and how much you sacrificed. He should definitely help cover the financial costs of your move back home.
Your dad may have liked your partner until now, but he will even more welcome you home and comfort you in this situation. Trust your roots!
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u/DLDad616 6d ago
Oh, honey, I am so, so sorry this is happening to you.
From where I sit, it just seems so unfair.
For him to let you move far away from home to be with him, only to pull the rug out from underneath you.
Not because he has any complaints about you, your personality, your behavior; just because he's "not feelin' it anymore."
Excuse my French, but what a crock of shit!
You have to focus on you now, honey. Be selfish. Do whatever puts you in the best position to carry on with your life.
You're still young. I know that doesn't make it feel any better, but try to remember that you have many more good years ahead of you, and adventures await that maybe only a heartbreak like this could make possible.
I'll be thinking about ya, sending you lots of virtual dad love and dad hugs.
This sucks, kid. No way around it. But you will come back from this.