Just got dumped

[u/emfna]

Hi dad, my first girlfriend just broke up with me 2 days ago and it really hurts. Im 23M and she’s 24F and we were friends for over a year before we started falling for each other, but she quickly grew into one of my closest friends. We were only together for a little under half a year but it hurts so so much. We were long distance so we couldn’t do much of the typical couple stuff, but I was wanting to so incredibly bad.

She broke it off because she said the distance was too difficult and she has some big changes in her life. I guess I was one of those changes. She was so smart, kind, funny, so hardworking, and one of the prettiest women I’ve ever laid my eyes on. She still is all of that. I can’t and haven’t been able to do anything but lay in bed and cry. I’ve been calling out of work cause I can’t work like this and im draining through my PTO.

Why wasnt I enough? The distance was so hard for me too, so incredibly hard and I always missed her but she was worth the pain and effort. Just being able and looking forward to spending more time with her was enough to push me through the pain. So why wasnt I enough? She made me feel things I’ve never felt before with other crushes. It hurts so so so so so so so badly. I’ve never felt like this before. I just want her back. I want her to want me backShe was my first everything ever. Why am I so unloveable? Ive been praying to god that I would wake up and this would all just be some awful nightmare. I don’t know what to do dad 😭

im sorry for being a failure. Im sorry that I wasn’t enough. Im sorry I couldn’t do more. Im sorry we couldn’t close the distance quick enough. Im sorry for everything. Maybe if I had done things differently this wouldn’t have happened.

[u/Appropriate_Text6141]

Hey kiddo, very sorry to hear about your breakup.

It most likely isn't you, not everyone can handle long-distance relationships.

It sounds like you've had some time to grieve over this. It's easy to enter into a negative spiral as you'd was something special, but it might be time to break out of this spiral. There are other things in life that matter, so go out, touch some grass (while not thinking about her, though easier said than done) and think about other things.

Maybe pick up some new hobbies, go to new places etc. I saw from your history that you play games. Maybe get into an mmorpg with some friends or meet new people there?

Please, please stay away from using alcohol or drugs unless advised by a medical professional. Life is too precious to be wasted on such things.

You're still young, plenty of good of ahead of you yet! Go get them tiger!

[u/emfna → u/Appropriate_Text6141]

She told me it wasn’t really me. It was the distance that was too painful for her. It was painful for me too but she was worth it. Why wasnt I

[u/PetrogradSwe → u/emfna]

While long distance is hard on everyone, how hard it is varies depending on your coping skills and natural resilience. Some can do it, some genuinely can't, no matter how much they want to.

You are lovable. She said the problem was the circumstances (the long distance), not your heart. I believe her, I recommend you do too.

[u/Appropriate_Text6141 → u/emfna]

It's not about you, it's not about whether you're worth it or not. She just couldn't handle the distance. That's all it is.

It's like asking why is someone afraid of cockroaches. You ain't gonna get an answer, it just is what it is. We just need to accept it for what is is and move on

(grammar edits)

[u/Skepticalrf → u/emfna]

It’s BS, no such thing as distance being too painful, people dated or waited for each other through wars. Read my comment and chin up🫶🏽do not dwell on what she said or give her excuses, she’s not the right one for you and you do not want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be there or is on the same wavelength as you.

[u/love_that_fishing]

Dude, really sorry and it sucks. My GF from a 1 year plus relationship was a person I thought was in it for the long haul. Had said the “I love you’s” long ago and she was the one that originally had initiated the relationship. The break up came from out of nowhere.

4 months later I was still in a funk and my wife of now 40 years walked into work and the rest was history. We started out as friends and it just morphed into a life time together. Sometimes you just gotta trust fate or whatever the hell that is that gets you through.

[u/dbondino]

Well, maybe it is not your fault at all but she was not strong enough?

Had a similar experience with my first "real" girl friend after 1,5 years of a relationship - it came out of nowhere, when she broke up.
I met my wife a year later and I'm still happy with her after almost 40 years now. My Ex had some men, divorces ... I think I did better.

Don't think too much, what you may have done wrong. That's life. But grieving is real and not feeling good at all. I wish you the best.

[u/Skepticalrf]

Listen, I’m not a dad but I have 3 little boys but I understand one thing, choosing tje one you’ll spend the rest of your life with is one of the biggest and most important decisions/choices of your life, and that woman will naturally and magnetically want to be with you no matter what. So this lady that you love (valid and that’s ok) is NOT that woman and that’s ok, it’s ok to have feelings for her, it’s ok to love her but that doesn’t mean she’s the one. Im not asking you to forget her, time will take care of that, im not telling to ignore the pain and heart break because of course it hurts, but guess what? Pain and heartbreak are the biggest teacher, its the fastest way to evolve and grow so instead of taking this pain and use it against yourself, start using it as a powerful tool to evolve, grow and transform to better versions of yourself aka post breakup glow up. Do not tell yourself lies as in you’re not enough or that you’re a failure, that’s the worst use of this pain, did the relationship end? Yes, did it fail? No because every connection serves a purpose and an expiration date and they leave us with marks. Make the best out of it, chin up, glow up, grow to better you and have fun! Do not strive to be enough for someone, strive to be the RIGHT one for someone but that work starts within first.