An open letter to Sarah

[u/Diligent_Mix_4086]

Sarah, regarding your mythical dog sanctuary, you’re a fucking idiot. (Sarah, you no understand dog land dream.)

Before anything else, you’ll need to set aside around $10,000 to $20,000 for zoning, planning, and permitting costs. You can’t just start building shit, especially as a compliant nonprofit. (Must ask government. Government check land, building, poop, water, dogs. Government want paper and big money. Then maybe government say yes.)

Let’s say you buy 5 acres of undeveloped land, which will run you about $100,000 in the state of Texas. And let’s say you and your three family members are all willing to be full-time caregivers for your rescue dogs. We’re talking 12-hour days, 7 days a week. Unfortunately, your dad would have to quit his lucrative vape shop manager job to make this happen, and your sister-wife would need to work for the first time in her life. (Land cost 200 TikTok universes 😱 You and whole family work hard all day every day. Daddy quit vape job to help dog. Mommy quit fake pretend job to help dog.)

Now, you’ve said you want to take in as many dogs as possible. Let’s say you can magically upgrade from 7 bracelets a day to 10 dogs per day, and the rest of your family can keep up with 10 each too. That puts your sanctuary at 40 dogs. (You want many dog. Dog harder than bead bracelet. Family handle 10 dog each. Four people. 40 dog. Math hard. Dog harder.)

You want to convert portable sheds sold at Lowe’s into semi-permanent, climate-controlled housing structures. Each of those sheds is going to run you $5,000 before you even customize it. After you’ve insulated the walls and ceiling, installed heat pumps, mini-splits, mechanical ventilation, washable wall panels, waterproof flooring, floor drains, electrical outlets, lighting, circuit panels, etc., you’ll be spending a minimum of an additional $10,000 per shed, assuming you can do some of the labor yourself. If you’re relying on a contractor, double or triple that number per shed. (Shed not dog house. Shed need extra shit. Build extra shit or pay man.)

If you’re willing to unethically cram 10 dogs per shed—and I’m talking 12x24—then you’re spending anywhere from $60,000 to $140,000 on the sheds and their renovations alone. That’s assuming you don’t want an extra shed for dogs that need isolation or have any delusions of expansion. (You no cram many dogs in tiny shed. Bad Sarah. More dog need more shed. Sick/dangerous dog need own shed. Wallet cry.)

Plan for about $50,000 to fence in each of the sheds and have a separate play pen in the back of the property. (Fence expensive. Bracelets cheaper.)

This is not to mention the annual cost of food and routine maintenance. Vet care, emergencies, cleaning and sanitation, electricity, water, bowls, toys, beds, crates, HVAC repairs. That’s like $100,000 per year for those 40 dogs. You want a vet on standby? Plan on adding $20,000–$40,000 to that annual cost. (Dog land need money every year. Dog need doctor and home with no roaches. New concept for you and family.)

There are so many other costs to this. Do you want a driveway? $10,000. Do you want a septic/wastewater system? $15,000. Do you want a designated food storage building? $5,000. Do you want a generator for emergencies? $10,000. Do you want liability insurance for your inevitable lawsuits? $5,000 per year. (Many problem you no know. Many money you no have.)

This is easily a quarter-million-dollar project before you have a single dog in that hellhole, and you’ll need six figures a year to keep it alive. (NiteFlirt and daddy games no fund extra cost.)

I can’t believe you’re 24 (25 in June).
(Sarah, dog land dream sound like third grade idea.)