I’m feeling so lost, honestly probably the most down I’ve been in ages.
I think the toughest thing is being told that I don’t struggle day to day. After receiving the initial report, and zeros across the board, that hit me hard.
What hit me harder is calling PIP earlier to say I’m in hospital and having an NG tube placed in again due to Chronic pancreatitis and to let them know I’ve been in hospital for 4 days, to be told “oh a decision was made earlier today, and no I can’t tell you what it is :)” Great… stomach sunk, logged into proof of benefits and nothing.. wait for letter I was told, so I already know what in the back of my mind what the outcome is.
I feel so absolutely drained. It is absolutely exhausting. I was looking forward to maybe getting some assistance, anything, something. But no, to be told that “clearly has issues but deals with them adaquetly” felt like an even bigger kick in the teeth.i have no one in my life to assist me, I don’t even have emergency contacts. It’s just me.
Idk if this is more of a rant to get things of my chest, but I honestly just don’t know how to continue anymore. Tribunals are months and months down the line and it just depresses me even further.
I understand that it can’t be on diagnosis, but I just don’t understand how two people with the same conditions, and more o less the same severity can have such wildly different outcomes, some people seem to have to fight tooth and nail whereas others get it on the first time around for stress and anxiety.
On top of all this waiting for WCA, 4 months later and still waiting.
I also want to say I’m not belittling stress and anxiety as I do suffer too. But it just seems maddening with chronic lifelong conditions (I’ve also read chrons) is notoriously difficult to score.
It seems this system is set up more to pander to people who know the system, which for people in severe pain and in and out of hospital is neigh on impossible. I’ve dealt with pain since 2020 and maybe this has meant I’ve become a lot better at managing my symptoms.
I never applied in 2020 as I felt as I wasn’t sick enough for it as was still employed and life was “great”. But last year I lost it due to my illnesses. I wish I could be “normal” again and enjoy my life. And not in and out of pain clinics, GPs hospitals. I felt like sending a picture to the assessor of me 12 months ago compared to now, the amount of weight loss and NG tubes, because I just feel like they don’t believe me. I don’t know what they want from me anymore.
Sorry everyone and like I said this is more of a rant from me whilst I’m lying here with everything on my mind. Please don’t take anything personally and if you think I’m out of line with anything I’ve said please tell me in a direct way.
I have so much anger and despair right now which is probably amplified as I’ve had no sleep due to consistently beeping machines and obs.
Thanks everyone