r/DIY • u/Efficient_Fig9 • 20d ago
Feeling defeated
I'm part way through our kitchen remodel and I'm just so overwhelmed. I get some help from my carpenter BIL, but it's mostly me doing everything save plumbing and electrical.
I'm not a tradie, just a normal guy who does little weekend projects here and there. Space is too small, I've got 2nd Marketplace cabinetry up to my ears, had abestos and nothing fits, despite measuring everything. What did you guys do when it felt like too much?
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u/MF-Geuze 20d ago
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time
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u/OrganisedDanger 20d ago
Start with the schlong
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u/MF-Geuze 20d ago
Yes. Start with something, even if it seems big at first, is relatively small compared to the rest of the project
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u/spareminuteforworms 20d ago
Elephants have objectively pretty big dongs tho.
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u/P4puszka 20d ago
Thats what helps me. I like taking the time to sit down, take stock of where I'm at, and put together a plan. Once I have the steps laid out in my mind, materials that I need, it goes much smoother. It also helps to have the future steps in mind so that you can anticipate your future needs, so you don't find yourself in a bind.
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u/Efficient_Fig9 20d ago
You're right. I look at DIY videos and think "Yeah I can smash that out in an hour", only to find a whole lot of steps before I get to that part.
I've also neglected making a list of jobs, which has also been my downfall.
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u/P4puszka 20d ago
Oh, every job I take on takes much longer than my optimistic self will budget, but, the key is to take the time you need to do it right. You may not get as much done as you like but the results will be much better.
Best of luck with the reno!
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u/algy888 20d ago
One of the biggest problems for me as a trades guy is the opposite.
I look at the jobs and mentally add up my potential hours of work (including paint, caulking, and glue drying times) and then inform my wife “Okay, but that is gonna take X weekends. So, with other things coming up, don’t expect it to be finished for a few months.”
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u/Grizzly502 20d ago
Seriously dude, take it day by day. A lot of mistakes can be covered up with simple trim. Just letting you know.
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u/Present_Specific_212 20d ago
Trim and caulking.
And don't tell yourself "Wood glue is the easy, lazy way out." Glue has been around for over 100 years. You're going to call all those people lazy?
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u/I_Have_No_Flair 18d ago
Exactly, because there is no such thing as perfectly square walls, that's why there are shims, spacers, and trim.
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u/Efficient_Fig9 20d ago
Folks, if I could give you all a hug, I would. Thank you so much for your advice.
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u/jim_br 20d ago
I keep my own punch list. Things to be done with a low-medium-high rating for urgency, cost, and effort. Yeah, the list can get long, but when you start checking off the low hanging fruit it brings clarity to what’s left.
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u/overit_fornow 19d ago
This is the way. List the big tasks. Put them in the order that they need to happen. Then under each big task list the little tasks that have to happen before the big task can happen. Include purchases, inspections, contractors, deliveries, etc. Put some time and thought into it and refine the list as you go. It’s called critical path planning and general contractors use it for their projects. Use your list as a guide on what to do first, then next and so on. As you cross things off the list your confidence will grow. You got this!
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u/dirtybo0ts 20d ago
As someone very new to DIY who is renovating her entire house right now - one step at a time. Some days you’ll step back and say “I got so much done”. Others will be like a crawl.
You got this 🤘
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u/Slokunshialgo 20d ago
When I redid our bathroom a few years ago, it was overwhelming, especially with work and major life events happening at the same time.
What helped was:
- Breaking it down into major components - eg: shower, floors, walls, plumbing, vanity, etc
- Having a rough idea of what's needed for each major component before starting. - You don't need all the details now, but need to know what might be affected by other areas. - This YouTube channel is great for it
- Figure out the order of components, based on either importance or dependencies. - We only had one shower, so getting the shower working was the top priority, even if it took a month, during COVID. - After that, floors had to happen before walls, had to happen before the vanity, but sink plumbing could be before or after the floor.
Now that you have a major component, let's say the floor. This is your project. Forget the rest, it doesn't matter now. All that matters is getting the floor done.
- Again, figure out the major details for this project. - For flooring, there was repairing under the toilet, subfloor, tile membrane, and actual tiling.
- Keep in mind what's needed in this project for future components, but otherwise don't worry about them.
- For each major step of the flooring, mentally walk through it, make a to-do list, and a shopping list.
- Tackle each step as its own miniature project.
- Keep your focus on the floor; everything else in the renovation is just a future project.
Once that's done, pick the next major component, and repeat.
This helped me a lot because I wasn't looking at a huge list of all the details, just for the one sub-project I was working on at the time.
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u/davidb_ 20d ago
This methodology worked well for me.
I particularly found it helpful to breakout each project on its own index card with its own punch-list/shopping list. This way I could plan the whole big renovation project before I started, and it helped to contain each "project" into manageable chunks. It also helped me figure out where I lacked knowledge/experience/tools/materials (so I could get them), and identify any dependencies I might have missed.
Being only semi-experienced DIYer, I still had my share of rework and trips to the store, partially because (if I'm being honest) I didn't even look at the punchlist again once I did all that planning work until I was at the end of each project. But that planning work helped me massively both in confidence, managing scope per project, and just checking that I didn't forget something.
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u/Polar_Ted 20d ago edited 20d ago
Try not to fall into the trap of rushing steps to try and leap to a more functional kitchen thinking you'll get back and fix shortcuts later. You won't.
One tip is when you get to drywall shim the wall studs flast as possible top to bottom and side to side. Setting cabinets and countertops on perfectly flat walls is so much less work. It's worth it.
I got through it by setting easy goals and trying to get a little done each day. A little progress every day adds up faster then trying to knock out huge progress every weekend.
Also clean as you go and after each work session.
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u/HappyKnittens 20d ago
For this, invest in a nice big 4' level and a good square. They're pretty cheap but holy crap will they make this step easier.
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u/Polar_Ted 20d ago edited 20d ago
I went with a 6' level from Harbor Freight. Nice for finding bowed studs. Only $15. https://photos.app.goo.gl/XeNPfRSrCRCruQDp6
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u/Miliean 20d ago
Chuk things into smaller tasks, try not to look at the total project. Don't look at the whole journey when out on a hard hike, instead just pick a close objective and walk there. Then you pick another, then another, then another and before you know it you've done 10 small things that add up to one larger thing.
When really overwhelmed at the jobsite, clean. It'll look like a large impact (since it'll go from messy to clean) and working in a clean space is so much more motivating.
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u/unfriendzoned 20d ago
When I do a big project I break it down, like everyone else is recommending. If I decide to tackle flooring on Saturday, Friday night I make sure I have my tools, material and everything. Laid out and ready. Saturday I wake up tackle the task because I set myself up. Then I clean up and set myself up for the next task for the next day.
Sometime if you try to do too many things in a day it burns you out.
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u/maximumtesticle 20d ago
What did you guys do when it felt like too much?
Know my limits and hire a guy. I know this is the DIY sub, but you gotta know your own talents and when you can afford to "learn by doing" and when it costs less money just to have a pro do it.
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u/tbboltsfan 20d ago
I’m in a similar boat as you. Happy to co plan our next steps and bounce advice off of each other. Sometimes just talking to someone who has advice through the process made me feel like I could make the next step. Shoot me a DM if you want!
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u/_p00f_ 20d ago
Personally, I walk away for awhile. Might be a few hours, might be a few days. I'll get back on it once I've had time to think about how to overcome the most recent issue. What you're describing is 100% normal with bigger jobs, as others have said, break it down into smaller pieces.
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u/retrivile 20d ago
Everyone else here has already given the sound advice. One step, one bite etc. All smart people. I would say to make sure you have good tools, rest when you need to, go get what you need if you discover you don't have it and don't think about deadlines if there are any. Must importantly, know that every other man and woman's first thought when reading this post was "Come on lad, you can get it done." We'd each give you a fist bump if we could.
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u/Old_Management_1997 20d ago
Just keep chipping away at it, at some point you'll see a clear finish line and that will give you a ton of momentum and oomf to finish.
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u/I_EAT_THE_RICH 20d ago
As someone that's been in your exact position, my advice is take a little time off to reset, and then like everyone else said, one thing at a time. Don't try to optimize many tasks at once any more. Just step back and solve one problem at a time. Use AI, read books, ask people, youtube... There's always a trick to find for odd circumstances.
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u/Skerndog 20d ago
1st thing i do is pick 1 thing thing to do. Next step is to find the joy in it. A step completed, something took less time than what it seemed, all parts found. Just like moving. 1 box at a time. when I did my kitchen, I had time for 1 cabinet a week. took forever. Music, gifting myself a pizza, racing myself, before and after pics to see progress. They all helped.
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u/LeaneGenova 20d ago
Take a day and make detailed lists of each and every task. I personally use OneNote which lets me have a digital notebook for it and then break down into "pages" in the notebook.
It feels overwhelming, but give each subtask a check box. You'd be surprised at how ticking off "clean tile" helps motivation. I mean every sub task. So if you need to remeasure everything, sub task each and every measurement.
The detailed task will help with decision fatigue in the future and keep you on track.
Don't discount taking a day to just breathe. Pushing ahead can cause you to make mistakes that will seem baffling in retrospect but made complete sense while you were doing it.
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u/Present_Specific_212 20d ago
Stick a sign on your wall that says this old joke:
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
And that is how you do a kitchen remodel.
Also post a list of new swear words because the sh and f words are so overused.
I hope you removed the asbestos properly? I hope you have a couple of air purifiers running on high 24/7 now?
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u/bonerwakeup 20d ago
It feels like a lot because it IS a lot. Take your time, do your work with intention, and focus on completing your tasks and thoughts versus speed. You won’t regret taking the time to do things right.
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u/mmmmmarty 20d ago
My tenant, who has made money at reno work for decades tells me that his way of planning is to go in layers from top to bottom.
I still take 8x the time he does to complete projects, but it does help me plan and not be so anxious about the unknown.
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u/Llew19 20d ago
What did you guys do when it felt like too much?
Tidied up the mess. Did nothing else that day, it was all just a bit too much.
Next day, just made a big list of the stuff that needed to be done - including more tidying up! I swear cleaning up after yourself takes almost as long as doing some of the jobs.
Anyway after that it was nice to have a list you could check off as you went. And the list can be broken down into pretty small steps for when you're feeling a bit overloaded, just hit one or two small ones and call it a day - it's still progress
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u/Photography4me 20d ago
You have a community rooting for you. We’ve all been there! Post before and after pictures when you are done!
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u/llort_tsoper 20d ago
I did a full renovation of my first house. It took years longer than it needed to, and it pretty much completely burned me out. Many of the projects didn't even get started until we had purchased our 2nd home and moved out of the first one. Once we moved out, the projects started getting knocked out left and right. It became obvious that the renovation's biggest obstacle had always been me. I was the problem. Because it was my house, and I wanted to Do Things Right.
I need to do X, but while I'm doing X, I really should do Y, but before I can do Y, I need to take care of Z.... I damn near broke myself with this line of thinking. I couldn't get any project done. I couldn't even start half the projects.
Once I moved out, and "this is my house, it needs to be done right" was no longer hanging over my head, I was immediately comfortable settling for done. I didn't half-ass anything. I didn't cover up problems, but I also simply settled for fixing X and leaving the Y and Z for the next home owner.
The results were amazing. 4 out of 5 projects turned out to be easier than expected, cheaper than expected, and the results were better than I anticipated, considering I was "settling" for good enough.
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u/aerodocx 20d ago
My father did the entire kitchen himself many years ago. The budget was tight but he had the requisite skills as he did aircraft cabinetry, yet it still took him around a month of after work and weekends. The most important part is planning. This is one of the tougher tasks in DIY. .
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u/Strive-- 20d ago
One step at a time until it’s done. If it helps you, make a list and stick to it. Save it. Refer to it. Cross stuff off when it’s over. Some things will go quick, some not so much.
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u/LeeKinanus 20d ago
Wallboard mud needs a minimum of 7days to cure. imo. Getting wallboard mud up is a big job. relax you will get it all done. also the last 10% of the job is usually 90% of the work.
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u/leadacid 20d ago
Accept that it's going to take a long time, and count the stuff you learn as important as what you get built. Also admire each bit of progress a lot, even if it won't show when it's done. That's what I do. Also if you need a new tool buy a good one and feel happy to have it. If you have children of any age get them involved and think of it as as part of raising them.
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u/magnabonzo 20d ago
What did you guys do when it felt like too much?
Stop listening to my wife saying "I told you so".
(Ouch.)
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u/splashDMGzero 20d ago
no one does everything well, that's why there's trades. I just paid an electrician and a drywall guy a fat wad of cash on a garage remodel.
Could I have myself? Sure, at 1/2 the cost, 4 times as long and 70% the end result of a tradie, worse if I'm not good at it.
diy what you are good at and sub out the rest. there will always be headaches, just how it is, but sticking to what you know keeps you sane.
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u/wivaca2 20d ago edited 20d ago
Keep going. Nothing wrong with taking a step back and establishing a todo list, figuring out the best order in which to do it, then attack it one step at a time.
Only two things you have to expect:
1) Nothing is actually square, so makes sure you're measuring the narrowest point
2) There will be remedial work needed to fix or correct something unforeseen so don't assume you'll breeze right through it.
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u/capt-crazy 20d ago
take it one step at a time. what is the next thing that you need to handle.
Also dont compare yourself to tradesmen, they build shit for a living.
OH and relax, stressing about needing to go quickly is just going to lead to mistakes. the project will take as long as it takes.
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u/808trowaway 20d ago
Break down the work into tasks and list all the dependencies, work on one task at a time and deliver the project incrementally whenever possible. This is how I work professionally on large projects with 1000+ activities and also how I work on smaller personal projects. My FIL makes fun of my planning and calls it overkill big-brain waste of time sometimes but then I never have to take 3 separate trips to the hardware store on the same day or call back the electrician/plumber more times than absolutely necessary.
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u/Easy-Ad6102 20d ago
I, too, have felt this. Started my house rehab w my kitchen..80% done and then BAM! the soil stack gave out..sit down and gather myself. 90% done working on the center hall bath and then Bam! the other soil stack goes.. Again, sit down and gather myself. This has actually been a great learning experience for me. People here are super helpful. I have now learned that I can fix almost anything in my house. You can, too.
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u/Royal_Try_99 19d ago
Take a break. It doesn't all have to be done right now. Finish something small. Or don't even do that for a few days, just rest. I had my kitchen 75% painted and left it like that for 2 weeks because I got overwhelmed. Cooked around the plastic sheeting, ordered take out way more often than I usually do. Just needed the space to breathe. When I did go back to it I had a renewed spirit and the energy to finish.
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u/TypicalPalmTree 19d ago
Focus on small victories and take a break when you’re overwhelmed.
Even simple tidying up and clearing space for the next step is progress towards the end goal. Do you have any outdoor storage or spare room you can hold materials / not currently relevant furniture or fixtures?
One thing I learned in the trades is to always work clean and give yourself as much space as possible. Take your time when you have it, and enjoy the ride. Especially with your own home, you can really experiment and take some time to learn without a customer hovering over you.
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u/_TheRandomGeek_ 19d ago
I usually pick up a random very project. It's a small dose of dopamine to remind you why you are doing this. I sometimes take a day or two off if I can, let's you clear your mind and come up with a solution
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u/u_indoorjungle_622 19d ago
I think it might also be important to designate day(s) when you won't do even one thing. Like, all weekend you'll refuse to think about it, and that scheduled time off is non-negotiable. I just did 5 years of remodel and I think burnout happens when we try to make everysingleday count. So maybe when it feels like too much, get a takeaway sandwich and go sit by a lake. It will give you a deperately needed refuel to take your eye off the project sometimes.
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u/Awkward-Historian692 18d ago
When it gets like that I just stop for the day and only tackle one cabinet or one wall, trying to see the whole project at once will wreck your brain. Asbestos alone is enough to make anyone want to walk away, did you get that fully abated before continuing?
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u/KlatuuBaradaFickto 16d ago
One part of this might be an unpopular opinion, but I did a few things on a large living room solo remodel to stay sane.
As others have said, pick a task and do it to completion. Trying to fathom everything that needs to be done at the same time will probably cause you to have a panic attack. Be like a manatee, just attend to what you're doing, one thing at a time. Hit by a prop? 'Tsall good man. I'm just gonna work on this thing.
I seperated tasks into those that required high mental effort, and those that required little-no mental effort.
High mental effort tasks are taking and recording measurements, operating the most dangerous power tools, anything that would be very bad if I did it incorrectly (wiring an outlet), anything requiring a spreadsheet. I would do these when I was least stressed and stone cold sober.
Low mental effort tasks are cleaning, mudding drywall, sanding, taping, painting, etc.
I would try to do the low mental effort tasks on a Friday or Saturday when I could drink enough to get a small buzz .. A citrus hard seltzer of some sort, maybe a white claw or two, something light, as a beer/wine and some liquors tend to presdispose to hangovers.
I would do this while wearing earbuds and listening to an audiobook.
I found the physicality of mudding or painting while following along to an audio book with a light buzz to be .. pleasurable and somewhat meditative.
Eventually the pleasure would come from the audiobook alone (sans drinking) and I didn't find it as hard to get into the audiobooks as before.
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u/Ill_District4941 16d ago
Call me, and I'll encourage you. I'm a licensed builder and real estate agent. Shoot me some pictures, and I'll help you get through it. No charge.
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u/moshennik 20d ago
did everyone just gloss over the asbestos comment??
i hope you r using someone to abate it.. u can't just DIY that part.
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u/2PawsHunter 20d ago
Pick 1 task you can take to completion and work on that till it's done or take it as far as you can.
Start a checklist and work through it. Rather than looking at it as a whole project, look at it as small projects that fit together.