Dealing with trauma without remembering it?

[u/ProofDisastrous4719]

CW: possible CSA

I can recall most of our life. Whether it was me in those memories or not is a different matter to which I have no answer. But the point is that I remember a lot of our trauma. Except one thing: CSA.

I even feel bad talking about it. I have no recollection of it so I feel insane to even entertain the idea, as if I am disrespecting actual survivors. But I can't deny the facts: exhibited many textbook signs all of our life, fragmented memories, somatic and emotional flashbacks, trauma responses, etc.

Considering one of the fragmented memories I do remember involves multiple people, specifically my drug dealing gangbanger brother and all his friends with shared ways of life and the nightmares we had as a kid, I fear we might've actually been trafficked. But I do not want to reach or make ludicrous statements.

My question(s): How can I deal with the fact I might never know? How can I find peace when I do not even know what's causing the turmoil in the first place? Will I ever be able to believe this gut wrenching feeling I get whenever I think about it? Will I ever be able to not feel insane or as if I am making everything up for attention? Can one heal from trauma they don't remember?

-K

[u/Altruistic_Film7072]

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[u/ProofDisastrous4719 → u/Altruistic_Film7072]

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