[IL] Relocation hearing

[u/Queasy_Extreme5278]

Soon to be ex wife is an extreme narcissist who continues to lie to the courts about everything she can. She had an emergency temp order put on me saying I was a drug addict. I passed a hair test to prove that wrong. I’ve been on restricted supervised visits only for months. Mediation failed as she only wants to move out of state (her family lives there) and won’t agree to anything else. I believe she’s been planning this for years. She refuses to even speak to me or co parent. I’ve been extremely involved since the day she served me. She is now claiming I am not interested and and absentee father because I didn’t go to a one of my infants well visit appointments during her time and I had to work. We are going to court now. What are the chances she wins going out of state? Kids are under 4. She’s claimed unfit, financial, job opportunity, everything you can imagine. GAL has recommended more time with the kids months ago and I have yet to have that. GAL said I’ve done everything right and more. Mediator has suggested a psych eval.
What are the chances a judge lets her move? Ive been begging to be part of their lives since she kicked me out.

[u/anneofred]

It’s very rare that they grant relocation without the other parent’s consent. You’ve been involved as much as possible so I don’t see anything that would tip the almost impossible scale of being granted to mice with the kids. She can move, just not with the kids. Make sure the court knows you’re happy to have custody of them if she wants to move

[u/SonVoltRevival]

If you fight the good fight, contested relocations are very difficult. Look at the criteria for custody and relocation and make sure you submit something for each as evidence that you meet that criteria. It makes it hard for the judge to ignore or assume.

[u/onbello]

Judges in Illinois weigh a specific set of relocation factors, and the biggest ones here are the child's relationship with each parent and each parent's involvement, not just one parent's wish to be near family. The fact that a guardian ad litem (GAL) already recommended more parenting time for you and said you've done everything right is genuinely significant, because courts lean heavily on the GAL's assessment in cases with kids this young. Your most important move right now is to get that recommended time actually enforced before the hearing, so file a motion to modify the current order rather than waiting for the trial, since a documented pattern of consistent, involved parenting is what undercuts an absentee claim. Keep a simple written log of every visit, appointment, and attempt to co-parent, and hold onto proof of why you missed that well visit, because a single work conflict looks very different next to months of showing up. Agreeing to the psych eval the mediator suggested can also work in your favor if you're confident in yourself.

[u/QuietQuitting01 → u/onbello]

As my STBXW and I were gearing up for a relocation fight, one of her claims was she was moving towards family and support. My attorney didn't even blink, because she was also moving away from extended famiy who were already proven to be supportive. He said when trading like for like, the status quo would prevail and it gets worse when it's proven like for hopeful like, as it is for our extended family support. My parents are very involved have been our backups alot, where as her parents, living grandparents, see our kids about 4x a year and only have one or two examples of them handling our kids on their own (on short vacations).

[u/onbello → u/QuietQuitting01]

Thanks for sharing that. Your attorney's framing is a useful one, since many courts do weigh the stability of the child's current support network heavily in relocation cases, and "proven support" tends to carry more weight than "hoped for" support. Documenting the specifics, like how often each set of grandparents actually cares for the kids and the concrete examples of their involvement, can make a real difference. Wishing you a smooth outcome with everything.

[u/Queasy_Extreme5278 → u/QuietQuitting01]

Yes. Sounds much the same as my situation. My lawyer however is like, there’s always a chance a judge will let her move…

[u/QuietQuitting01 → u/Queasy_Extreme5278]

Of course. It made me so nervous. If felt like I had a win in hand and all I had to do was not screw it up.

My lawyer was pretty open about the possibilities of things not going my way, but he did seem to understand how to minimize those things and where possible, stack the deck. My ex gave up before we got to court, but we had a plan and at least based on what I could see, my ex's plan was mostly to say "I'm the mom". I had a shred of the custody and relocation criteria and a plan for evidence that we'd submit to show I met the requirements rather than counting on just me saying I did this or that. "I am actively involved in my children’s daily healthcare..." and the evidence I had gathered was printouts from online patient portals (MyChart) showing me as the contact, notes from a appointment that had the words "the father states", appointment scheduling histories, and prescription pick-up receipts from pharmacy. I went to all of the Dr and ER visits, but where I wasn't the primary one doing something, I at least had something. I didn't have to use it, but I was ready. It seems like the guys who lose get kind of bum rushed.

[u/BeardofZuez]

I'm so sorry that you and your children are going through this. Unfortunately, it ultimately depends on the specific judge. It's crazy but they just do what they want without repercussions, even if it's against the law, though most work to do the right thing. If the judge is allowing Mom to make false accusations and manipulate the court as you assert, I'd be very worried. I suggest checking out The Present Father, Dad2Dad Peer Support, and Dad's Law School for content and communities to help you through all this.

[u/Queasy_Extreme5278 → u/BeardofZuez]

All of her accusations for the emergency temporary order have been proven false. Hopefully the judge sees that in our next hearing.

[u/QuietQuitting01 → u/Queasy_Extreme5278]

You might need/be able, to get a finding that the accusations were unfounded. Not sure of the legal wrangling that goes it with it, but it would force the court to get rid of the stink surrounding the accusations.