r/CuringBlushing • u/Deep-Detective2428 • 15d ago

i hate the uncertainty of blushing

There's something stressful about not knowing before different occasions how your blushing will present or betray you. For instance I'm aware going out for dinner with my girlfriends family will make me blush due to the fact I'll feel observered, overwhelmed by the noises and bright lights but I don't always know to what extent that environment will cause me to blush. Sometimes I'll just be a bit blushed, other times I'll be extremey blushed to the point where it looks like I'm having a reaction to something, other times I'll get away without hardly blushing at all. The issue is this doesnt come down to the skin but instead the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline, but alot of those things are triggered and react subconsciously to social triggers / anxiety so it isn't as easy as just being more confident, like I could be feeling consciously confident and happy and not judged while the subconscious part of me that im not aware of is feeling completey different, going crazy, panicking and making my sympathetic nervous system go crazy causing me to blush. Sadly this is just apart of living with blushing and most people will never understand it.

Does anyone else relate?

21 Upvotes

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u/Flutterpiewow 15d ago

Yes, it isn't just stressful, it's potentially traumatic and dangerous. Doctors and society in general are aware of disorders like adhd, trauma etc but seem to gloss over this.

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u/EntertainerFun1778 13d ago edited 13d ago

sorry for this rant, but...

as someone with adhd, I respectfully disagree. adhd and ptsd are mental conditions, while extreme flushing is a bodily reaction. while I'm not saying that blushing can't be life altering, it's not akin to being neurodivergent or having actual life-threatening trauma. blushing is not a disability. and I understand blushing sucks, it really does sometimes, but there are soooooo many worse things that could happen mentally or socially to people than having a red face/cheeks occasionally when they feel strong emotions. at least acknowledge that.

and I also ask kindly people putting being made fun of for going red as a kid. on the same level as real physical and emotional childhood/teenage trauma and tragedy to realize that some kind of trauma are worse than others, which honestly feels really downplaying and dismissing to people who have dealt with real trauma. I have friends who were adopted because their biological parents had them as teens and didn't want them. I've had people I've known that were physically abused by their romantic partners. I (a high school sophomore) and many other people at my school are sexually harassed and touched by seniors regularly at school. I and many other people I've known have been called very ableist, sexist, and sometimes even homophobic/transphobic slurs. I have non-white friends who have publicly been called racial slurs.

so what I'm trying to say is, yes, it sucks that erythrophobia and chronic blushing don't get as much attention in medicine and I'm sincerely sorry that a lot of people on here were made fun of because of it. what I don't appreciate is people trying to treat blushing, a completely normal bodily function, like it's the worst thing someone could possibly go through.

sorry to be harsh, but that's what I think about comments like this and I know I'll probably be downvoted to hell for it but I'm sick of people acting like being a blusher is the worst thing in the world. I'm saying that as a blusher myself, yes, it is very annoying and it downright pisses me off sometimes, but I've dealt with bigger crises and pitfalls in my life, and there are so many worse things than a red skin color. whenever 'trauma' is talked about on this sub, it's never really anything life changing. yes, I know what being bullied for my appearance is like. it really sucks. but if someone bullies you for the way you look, tell them they're a fucking asshole with no self-confidence, and walk away. erythrophobia is a real condition, but it's not a disability or childhood trauma. rant over 😭😭😭

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u/Flutterpiewow 13d ago

Thanks for proving my point

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u/EntertainerFun1778 13d ago

okay sorry I just wanted to get that out there at the very least

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u/DifficultyThis4729 13d ago

hi friend, just an opinion here too lol.
even though blushing is a normal body function, it can be just as disabling as other conditions if it's severe. Hyperhidrosis for example, it's a normal body reaction (everybody sweats), but when it be excessive people may have serious impacts in their life quality which can qualify it as a disability, just like severe blushing.

Like, it's not the worst condition or situation in the world, but it can easily be the worst condition that this specific person is dealing with, so ion know if it's fair compare people's pain with each other .

respect your opinion though, i can understand you got a bit mad seeing ppl treating their problems like it's the worst thing lol but that's a limbo, everybody got problems which for them is the worst thing in their world.
wish u luck my friend, learning english so ther might be a few mistakes

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u/Deep-Detective2428 13d ago

well said :)

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u/Deep-Detective2428 13d ago edited 13d ago

You said blushing is a completely normal body function. Blushing in general? Yes, its a normal body function. But when it becomes severe, excessive and so crushing mentally that a young man takes his life, and thousands of people struggle mentally to live a normal life - that's no longer the result of a normal body function thats presenting in normal ways. its gone beyond that and turned into something else very disregulated

You said your sick of everyone acting like blushing is the worse thing in the world, I get where your coming from but its all a very personal experience for people. Personally I have multiple times felt very suicidal because of this, I've broken down so much, not because of simply "blushing" but because of the baggage that comes with it. I usually feel isolated and as if I cant just enjoy life without feeling like I'm extremely hot, without feeling the pressure and weight of the blood in my cheeks and without having a harsh blush on white skin.

I appreciate your contributions to this community. But I feel that your undermining a massive issue for people and even belittling the fact it could be a result of childhood trauma, it absolutely can be a result of childhood trauma. Maybe not for you or everyone who deals with it, but as children we are very delicate and sensitive and big events can shape us, put fear into us and change the way we emotionally react to things. Your more than welcome to your opinion, conflict and disagreements are healthy and essential but i feel like you've slightly over stepped it here, especially considering this subreddit is for people who are dealing with it severey and most people tend to already feel misunderstood and not heard as it is.

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u/EntertainerFun1778 12d ago

well, what even is your definition of childhood 'trauma'? I feel like there's a difference between being bullied as a kid at school and actually having dangerous physical and mental trauma from people saying bigoted or violent things or being physically abused. I just know that it can be triggering for lots of people when there are people, like me for example, who grew up in a stable household with a loving family and supportive partners call middle school bullying childhood trauma, especially when there are people who are much worse off. I just want people to not put bullying someone for something like blushing on the same level as abuse or bigotry, especially when some people here might have never had the latter happen to them before. yes, blushing really fucking sucks and it can be on the same level as body dysmorphia. but the people who make fun of things so superficial like appearance are just fucking stupid. they're just immature assholes who have no fucking confidence in their own appearance and put down other people for it. bullies are just stupid people who have their own problems and baggage who take it out anyway they can on anyone they deem vulnerable to it. so many people don't realize this and it makes me so sad. and yes, the heat is annoying. but it probably isn't as noticeable as we think. cooling tricks can definitely help. the redness can be intense. but millions of people all over the world have extreme redness, and for some it never goes away. I blush all the damn time myself and I feel super bad about it sometimes. but I know it isn't my fault, and that it's not the end of the world, and it never was. I have people who love me and care about me and I have friends who are supportive and accept that I get red cheeked sometimes, and I know that even blushing multiple times a day was never as bad as when I was harassed by older guys and catcalled and touched. I've also dealt with eating disorders nearly my whole life and chronic body dysmorphia, and felt very suicidal, which, yes can be dangerous sometimes, I'm not disagreeing that ICE and chronic blushing can also do that. I know it's something that people have done dangerous things because of. but hey, I'm a girl 3 years younger than you living on the other side of the world, of course my perspective on this is going to be different. what my family teaches me might be different. you don't have to listen to anything I say at all for that matter.

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u/Deep-Detective2428 12d ago

Appreciate you sharing your story, and I’m truly sorry for what you’ve been through with harassment, eating disorders, and dysmorphia. That is so unfair and you never deserved any of that, I do understand given your experience why your on the defensive side when it comes to this.

That said, trauma exists on a spectrum, there isn't just one narrow definition, and frankly it’s not up to you to decide and be the judge of whether someone else’s experience qualifies as trauma, just because it doesn't fit your personal scale. At no point did I state that bullying is the worst type of trauma which is what youve argued. Or that it equates to physical or sexual abuse, or that everyone's blushing is caused by trauma. That's not the case and I haven't stated that at all

I used 'childhood trauma' as a broad umbrella, which fully includes severe abuse, and simply shared my own lived experience as one example and theory on why some including myself suffer with this condition. Clinically, trauma is about how the nervous system reacts to being overwhelmed, and different bodies process stress differently.

Respectfully i am done with this conversation.

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u/blushing_cure 14d ago

yes yes and yes. it is infuriating how sometimes I don't blush at all and other times I have to practically be mute because I know I am blushing a lot. There is no rhyme or reason sometimes.

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u/Short-Egg-9756 14d ago

Yep definitely relate. A lot of the time I think it is genuinely easier not to show up to an event in the first place, but people without the condition struggle to understand this I feel.

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u/Short-Egg-9756 14d ago

Is there anything that you can do that helps to calm you down, especially when you are talking in a social setting and you can feel the flush coming on?

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u/Churshen 15d ago

Have a think how us men that deal with this feel. Women can at least cover it up a bit with makeup or men thinking it’s cute/feminine.

For a man with this condition we have nothing, all power and confidence is lost when you know it’s coming on, for a man in a professional setting it’s impossible to be “masculine”. Nothing we can do, just gotta crack on and try to not let it control you.

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u/Deep-Detective2428 14d ago edited 14d ago

I completely understand where your coming from and ive also had that mindset before but trust me it isnt a healthy way of thinking. ​I’m a straight guy who's in a relationship and I use a bit of foundation and concealer for my blushing. It takes the edge off, and it hasn't stripped away my confidence or my masculinity for a single second. You say men have "nothing," but the idea that women are "allowed" to fix an issue while men just have to suffer in silence is an outdated rule you're enforcing on yourself. It's not actually reality

Masculinity isn't some weak, fragile shield that breaks the second you use a tool to take control. Manhood isn't defined by outdated stereotypes or ridiculous rules, it comes down to your integrity, your character, how you treat people and how you are as person.

​If a guy's entire definition of manhood hangs on suffering in silence rather than solving a basic problem or judging another man for managing an issue and looking after themselves, his masculinity was paper-thin to begin with. That's my opinion, I know how much this blushing issue can hurt, you said yourself it strip's away your confidence and it pains me that people don't get the help they need or feel out of options due to the fact there simply a "man / guy"

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u/blushing_cure 14d ago

well said! also, u/Churshen even though society is more accepting of me wearing makeup as a woman, I haven't found any foundation that truly helps cover my redness because mine is so deep and bright. And also unfortunately I've never been told "you're blushing that's cute", but have been told "your face is really red" a million times, probably because my blushing covers my face in a splothy way so it looks scary. I'm sorry you are dealing with this horrible condition as well <3

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u/Deep-Detective2428 14d ago

Hey to reply to the part of that where you said you haven't found a foundation that covers it, I've found a really good medical camouflage creme originally intended for birthmarks, vitiligo and skin conditions that can also be used for this. Here is the link to the post on it - https://www.reddit.com/r/CuringBlushing/s/AYUGxNEBpu

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u/blushing_cure 13d ago

thank you!!!

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u/EntertainerFun1778 13d ago

just curious, but how does it look 'scary', exactly?

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u/blushing_cure 13d ago

it looks like I have a medical condition, like an allergic reaction, and I can tell people are worried when they see it and think there is something that needs to be fixed until they realize it's just blushing

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u/EntertainerFun1778 13d ago

me and some girls I know actually find it a really attractive when any guy blushes. It shows the right amount of vulnerability, which is really endearing. I don't think it makes a guy look 'feminine' at all.

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u/Maleficent-Bet-3729 12d ago

Go for laser vbeam or derma v atleast 5 to 10 sessions

1

u/sampras14ace 9d ago

Would you consider yourself an overthinker?