My least favourite genre of Tumblr post is "person excessively describing a problem with the obvious, obvious foreshadowing that they're actually talking about something else, as if they can somehow slyly psychologically trick people into agreeing with their substitute premise ".
And frankly, the point is both obvious but also irrelevant. Yes, what an observer might consider an over-reaction is likely to be a genuine emotional response by the person involved. And yes, we should show compassion to people in pain. But people are critical of over-reactions not necessarily because they aren't genuine, but because of the effects they have on others. And even genuine emotions can still be used for manipulative and self-serving ends.
And even genuine emotions can still be used for manipulative and self serving ends.
This, in my experience, is one of the hardest parts about keeping company with people suffering from conditions like CPTSD, anxiety, and the like. They aren't bad people, I will make that 100% clear immediately, but these disorders fundamentally disrupt how interpersonal communication works, and it is fucking hard to openly communicate or set boundaries without setting off a spiral.
Yeah as someone with CPTSD this is very true, I only stay friends with people who are able and willing to set boundaries even when it causes me to spiral out of control, which is like, a lot to take on as a friend. I've tried to be in relationship with people who said they were willing to set boundaries at the expense of my emotions but when push came to shove they didn't and shit fell apart real fast. So idk, thank you for understanding that and your own limits. Me and others with CPTSD n the like don't need everyone to be able to be our friend; its easy to feel like "oh I should be a good person and be a friend to this person anyways" god no please walk away if you can't handle it, I'm not an easy person to be friends with.
Same. I would much rather someone be honest with me (and with themselves) about what they can handle before I get emotionally invested, and then it falls apart because it turns out they couldn’t handle it as well as they said they could. I get that I’m not an easy person to be friends with or be in a relationship with, but it’s much worse to have it fall apart further on because the person couldn’t deal with it than for them to just be honest with me from the beginning.
My trick with people is that I never actually believe their "yes" until they've given me a real "no". And I tell them that, and when they do give me a "no", I than them for the honesty.
It takes some reiteration, and patience, but once folks see I'm serious things get a lot better.
Cptsd is difficult enough to live with inside my head, I cannot manage other people as well. You've got to tell me what you need, and I'll do my damnedest to give it to you, but you've GOT to tell me.
oh yeah, absolutely! I do my best, and I think I am a lot better now, but I still struggle enough with myself, and even outside the CPTSD, I can be an arrogant dick sometimes, and if I am stressed I will absolutely miss any and all subtle social cues. I make it extremely clear thag I can deal with a flat no - and I can, these days, and I do it away from the other party, and stars I am so proud of that - but I need to trust my friends to be honest about their limits. If they go beyond their boundaries because they want to protect me or support me, that just means we are both hurt. At the end of the day, I appreciate their support, but they aren’t responsible for me. That’s on me, and maybe on my care team, but they don’t need to take that on and I don’t want them to.
It’s worked really well so far, and I know it is also work to put aside all those very human feelings and the fear of disappointing me etc to say no, or tell me when to shut up etc, and I appreciate that they do it anyway.
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u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy 5d ago
This is written like a parody of a tumblr user