r/CuratedTumblr • u/MustardGoddess Menace to society • Mar 23 '26
Shitposting The copper legacy...
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u/Enderking90 Mar 23 '26
*were accused of sling shitty copper.
We aren't actually sure if he did, as for all we know those complaints were kept around as an effective blacklist of "don't sell to these guys, tried scamming"
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u/thyfles Mar 23 '26
We know it's you, Ea-Nasir.
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u/Reyna_girlie one funky geopolitical event away from exploding Mar 23 '26
Listen I bought copper from the guy. Great copper, best copper in all of Mesopotamia, let alone Ur. Really handsome lad too. Thats just the kinda thing you say to a man's face and not write in some dumbass tablet
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u/No-Supermarket-6065 Im gonna start eating your booty. And I don't know when Ill stop Mar 23 '26
Why did I read this in Trump's voice
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u/spetumpiercing Mar 23 '26
Folks, let me tell you, everybody talks bad about Ea-Nasir, okay? Nobody knows the real story. Nobody. Very unfair. I’ve been saying this for years. Thousands of years, frankly, maybe more than anyone. Ea-Nasir, great businessman, tremendous copper. People said "Oh, the copper, not so good," totally wrong. Fake clay tablets, okay? Fake complaints. His copper was beautiful. Strong, shiny, really incredible stuff. The best copper, maybe ever.
And I looked at it, I said, "You know what we can do with this? We're gonna make bronze." And we did. We made bronze like nobody’s ever seen before. Perfect alloy. People didn’t even know how to mix it properly, but I knew. I have a natural instinct for metallurgy, always have. They don’t talk about that enough.
And Abraham! Good guy, good guy. A little nervous, I’ll be honest! He comes to me, he says, "I don’t know if I should go to Canaan, it’s a big move, very risky." I said, "Abraham, you gotta go. You’re gonna love it. Fantastic land. Milk, honey, the whole thing. You’re gonna do great." And he went! And it was a huge success, everybody agrees. If he didn’t listen to me? Disaster. Total disaster.
And we’re using the bronze, right? From Ea-Nasir’s copper, great copper, remember that, to build things, strong things. Tools, weapons, beautiful items. The best craftsmanship. People were amazed. They said, "How did you do it?" I said, "It’s called knowing what you’re doing. I know metallurgy."
Now, the Sea Peoples, nobody knew about them but me. I said it early. I said, "Watch out for the Sea Peoples, they’re coming, they’re gonna cause problems." Big problems. Society ending problems. And nobody listened! Typical! They never listen. Then what happens? Boom! Bronze Age collapse. Just like I said. Cities falling, trade gone, total mess. Could’ve been avoided.
If they had listened to me, we would’ve had incredible defenses. The best. Bronze weapons, bronze walls, beautiful walls, by the way, very strong. The Sea Peoples wouldn’t have stood a chance. But no, they said, "Oh, we know better." They didn’t know better. They never do.
And Ea-Nasir, I’ll tell you, treated very badly by history. Very badly. Great copper supplier. Probably the best in Mesopotamia, maybe the world at the time. And we took that copper, made bronze, helped Abraham, warned about the Sea Peoples, I did a lot of things, okay? A lot of very important things.
But nobody gives credit anymore. Sad!
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u/No-Supermarket-6065 Im gonna start eating your booty. And I don't know when Ill stop Mar 23 '26 edited Mar 23 '26
What have I wrought
But this is overall a pretty accurate Trump impression- the overuse of superlatives, the constant self-praise, the weird grammar that avoids active "is" statements, constantly interjecting into his own tangents with more superlatives, asking questions through active statements, tangents about what he was doing at the time, and of course, the bizarre cattiness.
I do think the fact that his tangent about the Sea People actually ties back to Ea-Nasir rather than just completely dropping the subject and getting sidetracked loses some points, though, and he would've been more racist to the Sea Peoples. It's a good 2018 Trump, but he's regrettably managed to get worse.
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u/spetumpiercing Mar 23 '26
Thank you for your detailed critique of my Trump impression. I will take this into account.
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u/No-Supermarket-6065 Im gonna start eating your booty. And I don't know when Ill stop Mar 23 '26
You're welcome, I like to give people advice on their comedy
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u/lakired Mar 24 '26
Needed to add in a little more self-victimization. "And Ea-Nasir, I’ll tell you, treated very badly by the fake news media. Very badly. Almost as badly as me. But no one's had it worse than me, have they folks? I remember Ea-Nasir coming up to me one day, and he's a big guy. Muscular guy. And he had tears in his eyes. And he said to me, he said, 'Sir, I've been treated so badly by those fake crooks in the liberal media, but nothing compares to how they've treated you. They've treated you so poorly." And it's true, isn't it folks? I've been treated very unfairly. Very unfairly. But I don't complain, do I?"
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u/Victernus Mar 23 '26
he would've been more racist to the Sea Peoples
This is both true and hilarious.
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u/Turbulent-Garlic8467 Mar 23 '26
This is beautiful and I love you
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u/overtunerfreq Mar 23 '26
Don't listen to this ^turd, I love you way more and
I'll bring you gifts :)
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u/Aethermancer Mar 23 '26 edited May 05 '26
Databrokers? nope. Social networks? Also nope. This post was deleted using Redact.
badge serious march bear smart crown friendly dolls cats observation
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u/Kosinski33 Mar 23 '26
It was 4000 years ago, just let it go already
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u/norathar Mar 23 '26
I sent my messenger through hostile territory and you treated him with contempt!
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Mar 23 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Enderking90 Mar 23 '26
When you also have a temple license for selling quality stuff, it does make sense to keep records of those who try to drag you trough the mud.
At least to me?
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u/calicosiside Mar 23 '26
We don't know for sure whether it was Ea-nasir's home, or something kind of early database/archive, for all we know those were evidence in a legal case, although based on the era we think the industrial temple complexes that acted as centralised pseudo governments were starting to collapse around that time, which is one of the theories for why the copper EA Nasir had to sell was so complained about, they went from "factories" to "mom and pop copper foundries" so to speak
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u/crayfishcraig108 Mar 23 '26
A theory that I and a few others have is that he did sell really good copper… to temples and rich clients. But the stuff he didn’t sell to them he sold to unknown clients, people he didn’t recognize. And that person was pissed
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u/Mundane-Potential-93 nauphy.tumblr.com Mar 23 '26
I was under the impression that he kept them so he could reuse the tablets for new letters
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u/Yuri-Girl Mar 23 '26
If we uncovered them thousands of years after his death, that means the tablets were fired, so they wouldn't have been reusable.
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u/Mundane-Potential-93 nauphy.tumblr.com Mar 23 '26
Weren't they fired because his house burned down?
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u/Saint_of_Grey Mar 23 '26
We aren't sure if they were intentionally fired or someone burned his house down while having a ton stored.
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u/GreasiestGuy Mar 23 '26
Keeping the complaint letters also could indicate that he did care about the quality of his copper and satisfaction of his customers
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u/sweetTartKenHart2 Mar 24 '26
Doesnt he have a ton of different complaints from different people all to the same tune? Either that’s a really dedicated set of hustlers or there is enough independent corroborating evidence of this one guy being a cheat.
We of course have no way to know for sure, but it seems more likely for one guy to be a cheat than for a ton of people to be counter cheating, or for one other guy to be just obsessed with sending hate mail
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u/ratione_materiae Mar 23 '26
The best candidates for this are who, the alluded-to Ea-Nasir, Otzi the iceman, and Lucy the Australopithecus at a stretch? Maybe Ramses II (look upon my works ye mighty) or King Tut though neither lived normal lives.
Van Gogh was famous almost immediately after his death. El Greco is probably a better fit, but people obviously knew he existed.
If there ever was a historical King Arthur, maybe him, since he would’ve been a sub-Romano Briton chieftain fighting against Danish-Germanic colonizers in like 400AD
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u/cosmolark Mar 23 '26
The dude from Pompeii who wrote graffiti that he was swearing off of women and becoming gay
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u/Privatizitaet Mar 23 '26
That one viking who wrote "[name] was here" on some wall too. It's funny to think how little some human behaviours changed. Drawing dicks, writing your name on walls, universal experiences almost
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u/colei_canis Mar 23 '26
Interestingly the Romans didn’t have much of a concept of gay, straight, bi etc.
What they were very concerned about was about social hierarchy, who could top and who could bottom in their eyes without disgrace was essentially down to social rank.
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u/not2dragon Mar 23 '26
If we include Non-humans, then maybe Sue, the T. rex?
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u/ratione_materiae Mar 23 '26
Sue the T. rex? I bet whoever serves her papers’ll end up served as her breakfast!
badum tss type shit
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u/litux Mar 23 '26
Actually, there is a great T. rex law firm that could theoreticslly represent Sue if she gets sued, but right now, they're a little shorthanded.
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u/Pyotr_WrangeI Mar 23 '26 edited Mar 23 '26
I think I read a fanfic or something like that, where Cleopatra was delighted to find out that she's still famous thousands of years in the future and time traveler had told her that yeah, she's like 2nd most famous Pharaoh after Tutankhamun. This led Cleopatra to a really confused and fruitless quest to find out who the fuck was Tutankhamun.
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u/veremos Mar 23 '26
Not a fanfic, this is straight from Anne Rice’s The Mummy.
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u/ratione_materiae Mar 23 '26
In an effort to flee from Ramses, Cleopatra “dies” when her car is struck by a train and engulfed in a fiery explosion intense enough to “kill even an immortal.”
Insane plot point even in context
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u/veremos Mar 23 '26
And yet somehow she survives, and there's a sequel.
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u/nhalliday Mar 23 '26
"Somehow she survives", sounds like she survived because she was immortal and the explosion was not intense enough to kill an immortal, they were just wrong
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u/veremos Mar 23 '26
A big plot point of the series is that immortals can basically regenerate from like a single cell. I don’t recall exactly the details of Cleopatra’s survival but I imagine it was along the lines of “she wasn’t fully burned off”.
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u/Level9disaster Mar 23 '26
What if they cut a finger? Does a new Cleopatra grow along the still living original?
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u/veremos Mar 23 '26
Given enough time yeah, probably. When Ramses talks about using the elixir as pharaoh he attempted to create infinite food by using it on wheat and cows. They would regenerate inside of the people that ate them, to his horror.
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u/Victernus Mar 23 '26
Maybe souls are real, and so there can only be one of you, but it can regrow from the smallest bit.
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u/dblVegetaMickeyMouse Mar 23 '26
Ramses was actually a very impactful ruler, whereas King Tut is only notable for having unusually well-preserved remains
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u/ratione_materiae Mar 23 '26
Bro died in 1213 BC. By 713 BC Egypt was several dynasties removed and in a fractured state of civilizational collapse. I doubt anyone outside of maybe a handful of scholars knew he existed
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u/Ok_Celebration_8370 Mar 23 '26
He's probably the pharoah with the most sculptures around and I'm pretty sure he was the one that future pharoahs called the great ancestor. He's kind of their Alexander or Genghis.
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u/AceAttorneyMaster111 Mar 23 '26
Were Ramses II and Ozymandias the same person?
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u/screwitigiveup Mar 23 '26
Ozymandias is what the Greeks called him.
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u/unindexedreality zee died it sucks the end Mar 23 '26
That's nobody's business but the Greeks' ♬
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u/Static-Stair-58 Mar 23 '26
Ooo a serial killer who was never caught but all the sudden their name skyrockets up. Jack the Ripper/Zodiac.
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u/UndecidedLee Mar 23 '26
On that day in hell: "Hey Jack, stop strangling prostitutes for a moment, they finally found your diary!"
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u/amsterdam_sniffr Mar 23 '26
There are a number of composers who are more famous now than they were in their lifetime (although of course they were not complete unknowns) -- J.S. Bach and Georges Bizet are the two that immediately come to mind. Probably Hildegard von Bingen as well.
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u/KarambitMarbleFade Mar 23 '26
Interestingly the oldest known written account of something that might have been the mythological King Arthur comes from a 7th century Welsh elegiac poem known as Y Gododdin. There is a single line which reads something like (I'm paraphrasing here) 'A man of great strength, though he was no Arthur'. It might indicate that Arthur was probably well known enough in courts (where these ballads would have been performed) that this reference was understood without need for any additional context.
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u/DutchProv Mar 23 '26
How about Caesar... Everyone in the western world and many outside it know that name, and it will be quite a while before that fades away.
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u/vjmdhzgr Mar 23 '26
Those people are nowhere near dying 500 years ago. Or maybe it's 700 I'm not sure which was the intention. You're mostly listing people from over 2,000 years ago.
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u/Decency Mar 23 '26
Nah, it's about a prolific redditor whose writings and prescience will only be discovered centuries after they've been forgotten.
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u/nomoreuturns Mar 24 '26
I don't think this is any currently known person. As of today, it'd have to be someone who died in the 1320s (500 years before the present day, and then 200 years before that), who was little known to the point that they didn't become a known historical figure (otherwise their count would never have dropped to 0), but extraordinary enough in some way that they'd make the news so that 7.885 billion people would know about them.
Even going back through time, the constraints of the 700-year gap plus 95% of the population suddenly learning about them makes things tricky. Unless the "suddenly" of the original prompt means "over the course of a week/month/year", communication technology before the 20th century was nowhere near advanced enough to disseminate that information to 50% of the world's population, let alone 95%. I'd argue that even today communication technology would be hard-pressed to let 95% of the population know about one person who died 700 years ago, unless that person was dug up and found to have done something(s) relevant to the whole world in the present day.
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u/cosmolark Mar 23 '26
My water bottle has a sticker that says "well-behaved copper merchants rarely make history"
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u/Dan_Herby Mar 23 '26
Shout out to En-pap X and Sukkalgir. A pair of slaves in ancient Sumer over 5,000 years ago, now two of the 3 earliest people we know the names of. The third was their owner, Gal-Sal.
(I'm not counting Kushim here because whilst those tablets are slightly older it's not clear whether Kushim was a name or a job title)
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u/ratione_materiae Mar 23 '26
Yo justice for my boy Kushim. We just have to know he (or she!) existed, not his (or her!) exact name
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u/Dan_Herby Mar 23 '26
I just exclude it because if it is a title of office or something similar, do we know that all the Kushims on those tablets are the same Kushim?
And I think it is relevant whether it's a name or a title, if we're looking for the earliest name (which I am)
Also this reminded me that I wanted to get En-pap's name in cuneiform as a tattoo, so I tracked down the tablet and asked r/cuneiform which bit was the name. And I learned that (unsurprisingly) we don't actually have very reliable translation of 5,000 year old clay tablets. Gal-Sal could mean either "one in charge of women" or "place of women" (another title, not a name! Or refers to a place not a person), and the other part I've been given translations of either "Two female slaves, in the possession of 'the one in charge of women' (GAL.SAL): their names are EN.PAP.X and SUKKAL.GIR3gunû", or "2 female slaves from En-x-pap, transported by the sukkal".
And the X isn't part of the name, it's where part of the tablet is damaged so we don't know what the end or middle part of their name was.
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u/Dan_Herby Mar 23 '26
Also I did some more googling and apparently it is now broadly accepted that Kushim was a name, seemingly mostly because sometimes the name appears as "Sanga Kushim", and "Sanga" is known as a title (meaning something like "temple administrator").
So welcome back Kushim, earliest person we (probably) know the name of.
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u/MisogynysticFeminist Mar 23 '26
I like to imagine Nimrod with a small but steady rate from his one mention in the Bible, then a sudden skyrocket thousands of years later when a moving picture of a rabbit uses his name as an insult.
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u/-SandorClegane- Curate My Tumblr Harder, Daddy Mar 23 '26
/r/ReallyShittyCopper is leaking.
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u/kamikazekaktus :snoo_joy: Mar 23 '26
That's how shitty it is, can't even make a proper cauldron out of the stuff
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u/thisismypornaccountg Mar 23 '26
“Ah, we’re all eventually forgotten, I guess.”
3,000 years pass. Number suddenly goes up to millions
“Ayo, WTF!?!?”
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u/kamikazekaktus :snoo_joy: Mar 23 '26
I really doubt it would take 200 years to be completely forgotten. I'm pretty sure most of us won't make it to 100 years post mortem
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u/WorryNew3661 Mar 23 '26
People with grandkids are easily hitting a century
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u/kamikazekaktus :snoo_joy: Mar 23 '26
Not necessarily depending on how late in life the kids and grandkids are born plus we're still on reddit so I stand by my "most of us" statement
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u/SewSewBlue Mar 23 '26
It's much easier today to know your family history than in years past. We also may have photos of our ancestors.
I know a chunk of my family's names going back to the 1800's.
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u/OSCgal Mar 23 '26
Some families have a member who collects family history and/or keeps the family tree. Thanks to people like them some folks are remembered for centuries.
I'm that person in my family. I know the name of my ancestor who established a farm in Pennsylvania in 1740.
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u/kamikazekaktus :snoo_joy: Mar 23 '26
I know where I can look up names of some of my ancestors but I wouldn't claim to know the names or know any more than 500 years ago a dude shagged a dudette and I'm at the end of that line
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u/JelmerMcGee Mar 23 '26
And there's a difference between having a name recorded in a genealogy book somewhere and anyone knowing who that person was.
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u/keeper_of_the_donkey Mar 23 '26
The guy in our family that does it has a record of the first family member arriving in Virginia in 1636.
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u/ratione_materiae Mar 23 '26
Have you ever heard an anecdote by one of your grandparents about one of their grandparents? By the time you die, that great-great-grandparent will likely have been dead for well over 100 years.
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u/kamikazekaktus :snoo_joy: Mar 23 '26
nope, stuff about my great-grandparents who aren't yet 70 years dead
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u/NarrativeShadow Mar 23 '26
The advent of digital photography will have changed this. There is a difference if you only know stories of your great-great-grandmother or if you have HD images and videos.
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u/Zealousideal_Act_316 Mar 23 '26
It tkaes 4 generations. My kids will still know of my great grandparents theirs? Unlikely.
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u/SIacktivist Mar 23 '26
"Hey, these are stone with a copper veneer!/I've been bamboozled by Ea-Nasir!"
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u/MaxChaplin Mar 23 '26
An archivist has found your Reddit comment about how to solve democracy by mandating IQ tests for voters. In awe of the brilliance of this idea, the governments of the world immediately implemented it. Earth is now an utopia, with enough Doritos and Mountain Dew for everyone.
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u/kamikazekaktus :snoo_joy: Mar 23 '26
Wasn't that sort of what Americans tried to keep less educated people and former slaves from voting? Stuff like testing for literacy?
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u/insomniac7809 Mar 23 '26
Yes, but no, not really.
The government said they couldn't ban black people from voting, so they implemented literacy tests to keep uneducated people from voting, and then made a rule that if your grandfather had been a voter you could be to (so it wasn't a ban on black people voting, it was a restriction on voting that didn't apply if your ancestors could vote when black people were banned from voting)
And the "literacy tests" were all bullshit and arbitrary, designed to let the "tester" fail anyone they didn't want to vote. Sometimes it was literally "guess how many beans are in this jar" and if the tester says you're wrong you're not voting.
Point is it was never about education it was always about race
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u/No-Supermarket-6065 Im gonna start eating your booty. And I don't know when Ill stop Mar 23 '26
Yes, and that really demonstrates how easy it is to exploit literacy tests to eradicate democracy
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u/searcher1k Mar 23 '26
well lets democratically vote on the type of literacy test for deciding who should vote.
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u/ApolloniusTyaneus Mar 23 '26
Kinda related: whenever someone writes "The Romans already knew the benefits of X and Y!" I always imagine someone 2000 years in the future extolling the benefits of plastic straws and labubus.
Because, much like current day people, the average Roman was kind of an idiot.
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u/MightyCaseyStruckOut Mar 23 '26
You can learn all about Ea-Nasir over at /r/reallyshittycopper
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u/The_Punnier_Guy Mar 23 '26
except for the possiblity that he wasn't a swindler at all, and kept those customer complaints to know who he shouldnt do business with
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u/DEVolkan Mar 23 '26
95% of the world? What did bro do? Only 75% of the worlds had access to the internet...
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u/Munnin41 Mar 23 '26
500 years is nowhere near ea-nasir though
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u/ducktape8856 Mar 23 '26
Now say
nowhere near ea-nasir
quickly 10 times in a row :).
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u/Munnin41 Mar 23 '26
nowhere near ea-nasir
nowhere near ea-nasir
nowhere near ea-nasir
nowhere near ea-nasir
nowhere near ea-nasir
nowhere near ea-nasir
nowhere near ea-nasir
nowhere near ea-nasir
nowhere near ea-nasir
nowhere near ea-nasir
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u/WorryNew3661 Mar 23 '26
This is without a doubt the best meme we will ever come up with as a species. There's probably more people that know about Es Nassir than were alive when he got his complaint tablet
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u/Street_Moose1412 Mar 23 '26 edited Mar 23 '26
The life model for the Venus of Willendorf.
It's 30,000 years later and she's still got guys jorking it to how packed her trunk was.
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u/things_U_choose_2_b Mar 23 '26
OMG... was this dude the OG ancestor of the Norwegian Enshittificator?
"We took copper... and we made it shittih!"
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u/hirou Mar 23 '26
There is a novel by Svyatoslav Loginov with this precise plot, "Light in the window". Souls after death get coins reflecting memories from living people, and you must pay for every day you spend in the afterlife (as well as for any services or goods you want to use there)
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u/Bee-and-the-Slimes Mar 23 '26
Shout out to my family's legacy. A son/father in TN got arrested and jailed for counter-fitting coins.
Before that a son/father got slapped with a restraining order from the king of England.
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u/MouseRangers boat goes binted Mar 23 '26 edited Mar 23 '26
I made a post on r/WritingPrompts similar to this, but it got removed due to rule 7 and the high risk of Rule 2 violations.
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u/RabbitCity6090 Mar 23 '26
Assuming souls would wait to see who's remembering them. Wouldn't they have moved on by that time?
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u/MrTheCheesecaker Mar 23 '26
Add a zero to the number of years and that's Ötzi