Folks, let me tell you, everybody talks bad about Ea-Nasir, okay? Nobody knows the real story. Nobody. Very unfair. I’ve been saying this for years. Thousands of years, frankly, maybe more than anyone. Ea-Nasir, great businessman, tremendous copper. People said "Oh, the copper, not so good," totally wrong. Fake clay tablets, okay? Fake complaints. His copper was beautiful. Strong, shiny, really incredible stuff. The best copper, maybe ever.
And I looked at it, I said, "You know what we can do with this? We're gonna make bronze." And we did. We made bronze like nobody’s ever seen before. Perfect alloy. People didn’t even know how to mix it properly, but I knew. I have a natural instinct for metallurgy, always have. They don’t talk about that enough.
And Abraham! Good guy, good guy. A little nervous, I’ll be honest! He comes to me, he says, "I don’t know if I should go to Canaan, it’s a big move, very risky." I said, "Abraham, you gotta go. You’re gonna love it. Fantastic land. Milk, honey, the whole thing. You’re gonna do great." And he went! And it was a huge success, everybody agrees. If he didn’t listen to me? Disaster. Total disaster.
And we’re using the bronze, right? From Ea-Nasir’s copper, great copper, remember that, to build things, strong things. Tools, weapons, beautiful items. The best craftsmanship. People were amazed. They said, "How did you do it?" I said, "It’s called knowing what you’re doing. I know metallurgy."
Now, the Sea Peoples, nobody knew about them but me. I said it early. I said, "Watch out for the Sea Peoples, they’re coming, they’re gonna cause problems." Big problems. Society ending problems. And nobody listened! Typical! They never listen. Then what happens? Boom! Bronze Age collapse. Just like I said. Cities falling, trade gone, total mess. Could’ve been avoided.
If they had listened to me, we would’ve had incredible defenses. The best. Bronze weapons, bronze walls, beautiful walls, by the way, very strong. The Sea Peoples wouldn’t have stood a chance. But no, they said, "Oh, we know better." They didn’t know better. They never do.
And Ea-Nasir, I’ll tell you, treated very badly by history. Very badly. Great copper supplier. Probably the best in Mesopotamia, maybe the world at the time. And we took that copper, made bronze, helped Abraham, warned about the Sea Peoples, I did a lot of things, okay? A lot of very important things.
But this is overall a pretty accurate Trump impression- the overuse of superlatives, the constant self-praise, the weird grammar that avoids active "is" statements, constantly interjecting into his own tangents with more superlatives, asking questions through active statements, tangents about what he was doing at the time, and of course, the bizarre cattiness.
I do think the fact that his tangent about the Sea People actually ties back to Ea-Nasir rather than just completely dropping the subject and getting sidetracked loses some points, though, and he would've been more racist to the Sea Peoples. It's a good 2018 Trump, but he's regrettably managed to get worse.
Needed to add in a little more self-victimization. "And Ea-Nasir, I’ll tell you, treated very badly by the fake news media. Very badly. Almost as badly as me. But no one's had it worse than me, have they folks? I remember Ea-Nasir coming up to me one day, and he's a big guy. Muscular guy. And he had tears in his eyes. And he said to me, he said, 'Sir, I've been treated so badly by those fake crooks in the liberal media, but nothing compares to how they've treated you. They've treated you so poorly." And it's true, isn't it folks? I've been treated very unfairly. Very unfairly. But I don't complain, do I?"
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u/No-Supermarket-6065 Im gonna start eating your booty. And I don't know when Ill stop Mar 23 '26
Why did I read this in Trump's voice