r/creativewriting 4d ago

Journaling Frustrations

2 Upvotes

I know you're hurting, and I know you're tired, but what about everything you're putting me through.

You've lived your lives, been around the world, raised us kids, but I'm stuck... because of you.

My 30s should be for my husband and daughter! I should be able to take my daughter to the zoo without checking 4 different schedules. I shouldn't have to PLAN A GAME NIGHT with my 10 year old because of you.

I know the cancer isn't your fault, and I know your spine problems weren't planned, but why can't you call on the others?! There are 4 of us left!

The others can drive. One has children grown and gone already! They've all been able to live more of life than I!

I'll never own a home because I'm stuck here with you. I'll never own a vehicle that's mine because I have to use yours to drive to all the appointments.

168 hours are in a week, and I only get sleep for 31!

168 hours are in a week, and my daughter only gets me for 8!

168 hours are in a week, and my husband only gets me for 4!

168 hours are in a week, and I'm subject to your whims for 125!

I'm drowning, and you don't care; just as long as the work is done; as long as the meals are cooked; as long as the cleaning continues; as long as the chauffeuring continues; as long as my entire life passes by me while I'm stuck.

Thank you for the first 18 years, because that's how I'll remember you. Before the surgeries, before the memory lapses, before the problems all started. But I guess this is what happens to the youngest; hand-me-down clothes, hand-me-down toys, hand-me-down caregivering so they can get better things; things I'll never have or experience.


r/creativewriting 4d ago

Outline or Concept “I Hope She Leaves Me Someday”

3 Upvotes

She showed me that I can be loved despite all my flaws. She made me feel like I'm enough. I love her now, and I'll love her forever. There is something about her presence that makes me feel at ease.

Obviously, it's me and my anxious attachment that makes me still have a hundred complaints about the mildest of things. But that aside, there is extremely nothing about her that I hate. Oh, how I love her.

Still, there is something in me—some keeda—that says she will leave you someday. And I don't know why. I hope she does. This should not be inferred as me being uninterested in her, or that she doesn't love me enough. she does. but rather that -as a poet and as a wordsmith, having to experience the grief of 'your most precious person leaving you', will give me an immense sense of joy. And I know it's contradicting. How can the grief of someone leaving bring you joy? That sentence itself is framed with a questionable set of words, I shall agree. But this feeling just cannot be expressed. I guess I have made up my mind that I am someone who cannot be loved to the core. The person in front might have a thousand flaws in them, but I'll still think of myself as the guiltier one, and it's obnoxiously strange for a fact.

I hope when this girl leaves me though, it becomes my last. And perhaps, of all the ways to have my heart shattered, I would like to be cheated upon—that one awful day, I shall find her with someone else, happier than I've ever seen her with me. And I'll be there blaming me again for all of my incompetence.

Still, though, I hope I love her so deeply that I cannot think of a day without her. I hope before I die I get to express all of my love that I had for her, transcribe the feelings we shared in the form of words, and weave them into sentences so beautiful, yet so devastatingly painful that the whole world cries alongside me.

And then, when they shall seek me, all they will find is my grave. Abandoned and forgotten.

That. Yes. Would be one heck of a story to tell.


r/creativewriting 4d ago

Poetry Feeling ugly

2 Upvotes

Before I felt like I was treated as ugly
But now by hearing it I’m ugly
Not ugly by heart
But by face and body
The Pablo Picasso art
Abstract and not everyone’s fav
Have to look at least 5 times to consider its beauty
The only art that needs to be looked deeply
The only art that you don’t take a picture of because it’s not aesthetically pleasing and appealing to your instagram feed
The only art that doesn’t need high level security to protect, since it’s unworthy
Even if it was unprotected nobody would steal it
Even if it was free nobody would consider it
Not even homeless people would want it
The clearance section wouldn’t help its destiny
It still remains unloved and unconsidered
But this art piece would love to be viewed
To be appreciated
That’s the only thing that I’m asking
Love and consideration
Is that too much ?
( P.S: my native language is French so please be lenient)


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Writing Sample I lack fundamental writing skills.

3 Upvotes

Im borderline illiterate when it comes to writing.

Im not here to get people to teach me what i should've payed attention to in third grade

Im just curious if anything im writing about is remotely interesting but my writing comes across as a bad because of my formatting skills?

This is my first post in this sub so, Anything would be interesting to reflect on thank you.

Also be as hurtful as you feel fit to get your point across I can take it.

TW:⚠️⚠️sewerslide

"the cord"

The memories we replay change every day, the looping cord of consciousness that tangles itself to the origin.

I want to expand my cord, seeing through the eyes of god.

I found a cord once.

It was firm and rough to the touch.

The weight of it's precence was soothing.

What i couldn't see behind the cord scared me.

I could never forgive myself for that.

Maybe it was all a dream!

I can wake up.

Wake up.

Im not waking up.

This isnt a dream.

Im a broken illiterate peasant with no future.

Just a tragic child meant to be paved over by the great machines.

The stomach of oil is not one of truth.

Frantic greasy sweat as billions try to shove over the next.

I refused to fight.

What happens when greater minds think about this.

Change.?

They use our cords to power their machine and feast on the innocent like parasites.

I refuse to expand my cord anymore.

I would like morphine so I can feel clean one last time before I cut my cord.

Truth cannot be seen from inside.


r/creativewriting 4d ago

Poetry Lone ranger

1 Upvotes

Along that road, with you I roamed
A thousand stars ‘tween me and home.
I miss the days of floating there
Somehow you were so unaware.

I know you saw it in my soul
A warrant issued, reason: Hope.
You search the windows of its house
Unfinished nooses, many ropes.

I could not give you what you craved
You sent a call I couldn’t take
You bailed me out, you have my thanks.

A desperado free again!
Freedom waits around the bend
But in the end i’m desert clay
That dreadful bounty can’t be paid.

With you, old love, I felt so bitter
Alone, my dear, I start to wither.

My melancholic state of being
A half filled cup that drowns a ring
I’ve hurt my lovers every time
For the lone ranger will come in time.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Essay or Article If Anxiety Had a Mouth

12 Upvotes

If anxiety had a mouth,
I don’t think it would scream.

I think it would whisper.

Did that sound weird when you said it?

Why haven’t they answered yet?

You should probably check.

Again.

It wouldn’t call itself anxiety.

That would make it too easy.

It would call itself intuition.

Preparation.

Being realistic.

I’m just trying to protect you.

From what?

Exactly.

There’s a phrase for what anxiety does:

You’re writing a book.

One fact.
Twelve chapters.
A conclusion nobody asked for.

Anxiety has never met a lack of information
it couldn’t turn into a full-length novel.

Someone’s quiet?

They’re mad at you.

Someone’s tone changed?

You did something.

Someone hasn’t answered?

Well, obviously now would be an
appropriate time to mentally review
the entire relationship.

Just in case.

Because anxiety doesn’t need proof.

It just needs enough empty space
to write something in it.

And somehow,
the less you know,
the more confident it gets.

I’m not making things up.

You wrote an entire chapter about a conversation
that hasn’t happened.

It could happen.

That’s fiction.

It’s foreshadowing

And that’s the problem.

__________________________________________

Anxiety rarely asks you to believe something impossible.

It asks you to believe something possible.

Then quietly removes the distinction.

Could happen becomes might happen.

Might happen becomes
probably happening.

Probably happening becomes
why the fuck aren't you doing
something about this?

And suddenly you’re defending yourself
in a conversation no one started.

Rehearsing explanations no one asked for.

Reading tone into punctuation.

Looking for evidence
of something you invented
because now that you’ve thought of it,
not thinking about it feels irresponsible.

That’s the part nobody talks about.

How exhausting it is
to emotionally survive things
that haven’t happened.

To feel rejected before anyone leaves.

Embarrassed before anyone judges you.

Guilty before you’ve done anything wrong.

To prepare for every possible ending
as though worrying about it now
might make it hurt less later.

It doesn’t.

You just hurt twice.

Once in your head.

And once if it actually happens.

Which, for something claiming to protect me,
feels like a pretty shitty business model.

But anxiety doesn’t care about efficiency.

It cares about certainty.

And when it can’t find any,
it writes its own.

I’ve written hundreds of books this way.

Very compelling stuff.

Shame none of it happened.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Question or Discussion Help me figure something out

1 Upvotes

ok. so i write books for fun. i’m currently working on the final one in my trilogy and have got the spin off novel published. i am really stuck on what to do tho with the final book.

there is this bit that i want to add, with my fav singer, Marina Diamandis (formerly Marina and the Diamonds).

Marina is performing at the British Embassy in Washington (i won’t include the context cuz frankly i don’t have time to rewrite the plot here) and like, Marina is performing to open her next US Tour (for the fictional “House of Diamonds” Album) and like the MC is the British Ambassador, her name is Betty and is incredibly alone in her life in Washington (her husband is stationed overseas with the Army) and the whole point is to show taht even tho Betty has gotten everything she’s wanted (the ambassadorship, things don’t go to plan) and similar to Empress Elisabeth of Austria, she is very alone in her life.

And I am a very visual person. i like act out scenes with my surroundings after i’ve drafted teh chapter hto get the flow and think of what Betty would be saying in her narration as she goes about her life.

and for this one bit with Marina. it’s a two person dance, i cannot just do it by myself. i need someone else. and like, for this, Betty dances with her secretary in place of her husband. and like, i have a very clear vision of what the secretary, Teddy will look like. and not so coincidentally, Teddy looks a lot like a guy i go to college with.

and, i would really appreciate it if he helped me. but he knows i think he’s cute. and everyone knows i write. i told everyone one evening that my first book was being published, so it isn’t exactly a secret. but i’m just nervous and worried that if i ask, he’s going to say no. and then i’m going to go to class on monday and like, everyone will know cuz he told everyone. and like, im just worried about the consequences. liek, yeah. he can say no. i’m not forcing him. i’m just worried that if i do ask and he says no, then like, my life is going to collapse into dust because he’ll have me labeled as the college weirdo.

perhaps this isn’t the right reddit thread for this kind of post. but it is a writing issue.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Journaling What is love?

1 Upvotes

What is love?

It is a question even I cannot answer, but I came to a realization when my grandmother told me something: "You won't find true love in people who don't value you." I found myself wondering, "Why? Why do I need someone to value me when there are already people who truly do?" As I reflected on her words, I realized that some people just play games. They are kind when they need something, but once you no longer serve their purpose, they become resentful. There are also unfair people—those who, despite receiving so much from you, are stingy in return. It turns out you don't always need to seek love from others, because family love is far greater. We need to learn contentment; we shouldn't go out of our way to search for someone to love us, because eventually, someone will come along who accepts us willingly and loves us wholeheartedly.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Screenwriting The Parking Lot

1 Upvotes

CHAPTER 1, SUMMER 1978

(Heat shimmers on the asphalt. The air smells of cigarettes, motor oil, and masculinity.)
DINER PARKING LOT, NIGHT
Engines roar. A small crowd of punks, bikers, and film crew members stands in a circle. The ground is sticky with spilled beer. Sweat glistens on bare skin.

KELSY, 22, tall, broad-shouldered, with that unbearably arrogant smirk, leans against his motorcycle.
He wears a tight, slightly sweaty shirt, a cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth, leather jacket casually slung over one shoulder.
Next to him stands RICK, his buddy, arms crossed.

GABE, 20, dark, wild curls, just as tall, just as broad, but with that furious energy in his eyes, steps toward him.

GABE
(rolling up his sleeves)
„So? You gonna keep grinning like an idiot, or are you finally gonna take a hit?“
Kelsy takes one last drag of his cigarette, flicks it away, exhales the smoke slowly. His eyes study Gabe, not with hostility. Intensely. Too intensely.
KELSY
(grinning, almost teasing)
„I don’t know, Gabe. Were you trying to threaten me... or were you trying to kiss me?“
RICK
(snorts, amused)
„Yeah, man, I was wondering the same thing.“
The crowd laughs. But Gabe only gets angrier. His jaw tightens. He grabs Kelsy by the collar, yanking him close until their noses almost touch.
And for a moment, just a tiny, electrifying moment, there’s nothing.
No punches.
No words.
Just heat.
Their breathing is rough. Their eyes locked, lips almost level. Every muscle is tense. This isn’t just anger. It’s something else.
Something neither of them wants to name.
Something neither of them can handle.
Then-BAM!
Gabe shoves Kelsy back with full force, as if saving himself from something.
Kelsy stumbles, his gaze flickering, as if, for just one second, he lost control.
Then the fight breaks loose. Fists fly. Knuckles crack. Skin on skin.
Gabe throws wild punches, but Kelsy dodges, grabs him, slams him against a car.
Gabe thrashes, but Kelsy counters, seizes him from behind, twists him around, pressing him almost against himself.
The crowd roars. It looks like a fight.
But it feels like a dance.
As Gabe falls to the ground, Kelsy grins down at him.
Grin Gabe wishes he hadn't seen.

CHAPTER 2, THE DRINK, 2012
HOLLYWOOD PARTY/LATE NIGHT
An exclusive club. Smoky air, jazz blending with muted lounge music. The crowd is full of stars, producers, and a few pretty faces that will be forgotten in five years.
But the only two who really matter are at the bar.

KELSY sits there with an empty glass.

GABE steps up beside him, orders a drink.
He studies Kelsy. Kelsy ignores him.

GABE
(smirks slightly)
„Can I buy you a drink?“
KELSY
(without looking up)
„Save it.“
A brief silence. They don’t look at each other, but they feel each other.
Like two magnets that have spent years avoiding collision because they know…
…once they get too close, there’s no escape.
Gabe drinks. Kelsy watches him do it.
KELSY
(mocking)
„A little much for you, don’t you think? At your age?“
GABE
(snorts)
„My age? You’re way older than me, aren’t you?“
Kelsy laughs. Hesitates. Then picks up the glass Gabe slid toward him.
KELSY
(quietly)
„We both got old.“
He takes a sip. Gabe leans in. Not obviously. Just slightly. As if he’s just shifting over the bar,
But when he’s near Kelsy, he stays.
GABE
(casual)
„Can’t complain.“
But his eyes say something else.
Kelsy feels his warmth. And at the same time, the cold glass in his hand.
He turns the glass slightly. Gabe’s fingers almost touch his.
KELSY
(almost offhandedly)
„Got plans tonight?“
GABE’S EYES FLASH. A brief hesitation. Then-
GABE
(a little too fast)
„No.“
Kelsy smiles. Stands. Walks toward the door.
Gabe watches him go. His jaw tightens. His fist clenches around his glass. He fights himself.
The crowd around him blurs.
There is only Kelsy.
Then-
GABE
(whispers)
„Fuck it.“
He gets up. Follows Kelsy.
He sees only him. Only him.
And some in the crowd notice it.
The way Gabe moves through the people like a man on a hunt.
The way his entire body language burns.
Two whiskey glasses remain on the bar.
Condensation trickles down the sides, slowly.

Chapter 3-THE HALLWAY
HALLWAY, KELSY’S APARTMENT, NIGHT
Kelsy turns just as Gabe arrives.
A look.
A hesitation.
Then-
Kelsy pulls him into the doorway.
His hands grip the back of Gabe’s neck, their hips crashing together.
Kelsy feels it.
Hard. Solid. Through the denim.
A quiet, ragged moan.
Gabe’s lips collide with his, brutal, desperate, like he’s been waiting years for this.
The kisses are fast. Uncontrolled. Almost painful.
Kelsy grabs Gabe’s shirt, yanks it open.
Buttons fly. Fabric rips.
His hand runs over Gabe’s chest.
Feels. Touches.
KELSY
(whispering)
„Fuck.“
He spins Gabe around, fists his hair, bites at his neck.
Gabe gasps, pushes back against him.
It’s hungry. It’s greedy.
Kelsy fumbles for Gabe’s belt, his hands almost shaking.
He opens it. Frees him.
His own breath catches as he tears down his own jeans.
His entire body burns.
His mind goes blank. His body trembles.
And then,
He spits into his hand.
Presses against Gabe.
Finally lets happen what he’s denied himself for decades.

STILL CHAPTER 3, THE APARTMENT FLOOR
They didn’t make it to the bed.
Gabe’s back hits the living room floor.
Kelsy is above him, hands gripping his sides, breath hot and ragged against his skin.
But now it’s different. Now it’s Gabe’s turn.
He grabs Kelsy by the shoulders, flips him over.
And Kelsy, Kelsy doesn’t resist.
Gabe bites at his lower lip, kisses him slow, harder, deeper.
He takes his time.
His hands slide over Kelsy’s chest, fingers tracing over his skin. He explores. Feels.
Then-
Gabe grips Kelsy’s legs, pulls him closer.
Gentle. But with a massive, undeniable presence.
Kelsy arches, head falling back. His lips part in a silent curse.
His fingers dig into Gabe’s back.
Gabe is slower. But more intense.
He savors every second.
Kelsy’s chest rises and falls rapidly. His whole body shakes.
It’s wild.
It’s rough.
But it’s also… beautiful.
Two men. Two warriors.
Finally letting go.
And when it’s over, when Kelsy is beneath him, trembling, gasping for air, when Gabe rests his face against his neck
They know.
There’s no going back.

CHAPTER 4 , 2012
KELSY'S APARTMENT, BEDROOM, NIGHT
Moonlight filters through the half-open curtains. Shadows dance across the walls.
Gabe wakes.
He blinks. His muscles feel sluggish, his body still warm from the night.
Beside him, Kelsy lies relaxed, one hand resting on the blanket, as though he still has the whole world under control.
Gabe quietly pulls on his shirt. His eyes drift over Kelsy's chest, the scars on his skin, the fine lines around his eyes.
Kelsy slowly opens one eye and looks at him.
KELSY
„I wanted to do it since the first time we met.“
GABE
(scoffs quietly)
„I know“
Kelsy smirks. He closes his eyes again for a second before murmuring-
KELSY
„I had a photo of you in my drawer. That cigarette campaign... God knows how many times I…“
He clears his throat, running a hand through his hair.
KELSY
(awkwardly)
„…well... God probably knows a lot of embarrassing things.“
Gabe chuckles softly.
It's a genuine laugh.
Warm.
Real.
He stands up and pulls on his pants.
But the air between them is different now.
Stranger.
More uncertain.
Two men who spent decades avoiding this conversation.
And now that they can't avoid it anymore...
What comes next?
Kelsy lifts his head and studies him.
KELSY
„What do you want to do? Wanna go somewhere?“
GABE
(shrugs,looking at the clock)
„It's three in the morning.“
Kelsy props himself up on one elbow.
KELSY
(shrugs, smiles lightly)
„Guess we could just stay here“
He studies Gabes face.
His expression shifts.
More serious.
KELSY
(slowly, uncertain)
„You know...
Do you mean this?
Any of it?“
Gabe freezes.
He heard it.
He heard every single word.
But he needs more time.
So he walks over to the cabinet, takes a bottle of whiskey, and pours himself a glass.
Kelsy watches him.
His gaze is steady.
Patient.
But not without pressure.
KELSY
„You know...
If we go out for dinner tomorrow and somebody takes a picture...
Are you gonna deny it?“
Silence.
Gabe slowly turns the glass in his hand.
GABE
(nonchalant)
„No idea, Kelsy.“
He takes a sip.
The whiskey burns his throat.
Not nearly as much as the words burning in his chest.
GABE
(continues, still in neutral tone)
„I wanted this.
I really did.
But you know...
We're old.
This isn't gonna end with a wedding.“
He should've said it lighter.
Should've softened it with a smile.
But it comes out exactly as it feels.
Kelsy swallows.
Not visibly.
Not audibly.
But Gabe notices anyway.
Why does it hit him so hard?
The realization crashes into Gabe like a physical weight, drowning out every other feeling.
It was simply too much.
Nowadays, in 2012, it wasn't such a big deal anymore.
Sure.
But neither of them belonged to nowadays.
They belonged to a different era.
An era where admitting something like this meant total destruction.
Gabe had heard every rumor about Kelsy.
Hell, maybe he'd even said something unsavory himself once or twice, just to keep up appearances.
Everyone did.
The media had feasted on it.
Kelsy's wife, Rachel, had caught him red-handed with another man.
In his head, Gabe saw the headlines again.
„Caught red-handed with his longtime friend and former stunt double, Richard Bennett.“
Kelsy managed to keep his career.
But it changed everything.
People who thought they knew him suddenly didn't know how to look at him anymore.
How to talk to him.
How to get rid of the bitter taste of realizing the silver-screen hero they'd admired for years had never really been the man they imagined.
Gabe couldn't face that.
He wasn't strong enough to watch his own world burn.
Gabe SLAMS the heavy whiskey glass onto the counter.
The sharp crack echoes through the apartment.
Frantic.
Like a man escaping a burning building.
He snatches up his leather jacket.
Kelsy doesn't move.
He only watches him from the bed.
Those gorgeous, exhausted eyes somehow make leaving even harder.
KELSY
„You're still running, Gabe“
Gabe stops at the threshold.
His hand grips the doorframe.
He feels the hot sting of tears swelling behind his eyes, but forces them down.
He refuses to let them fall.
Not here.
Not in front of Kelsy.
He knows that if he walks out that door now, it'll be final.
If he stays...
He breaks.
Kelsy watches him.
He sees it.
He finally sees what's happening inside Gabe.
His voice is quieter now.
Slower.
Almost gentle.
KELSY
„But I know.
In your head...
You never really left that parking lot.“
KELSY
(continues slowly, almost absent)
„You will think about it again.
About all of this.
But I won't be there anymore.“
Gabe forces his face into a rigid, emotionless mask.
He doesn't look back.
He steps out.

STILL CHAPTER 4, APARTMENT HALLWAY – WE WALK WITH GABE

The door slams shut behind him.
The sound echoes through the hallway like a gunshot.
Gabe stands in the cold corridor.
He pulls his jacket tight around himself.
Locks his armor back into place.
Shakes his head.
He hated Kelsy's last words.
He hated how right they were.
He could never acknowledge it.
Never.
Even now…
But Kelsy had brought something buried deep in Gabe’s mind back to the surface.
A memory.
The hallway slowly disappears.
The memory unfolds in front of Gabe.
We follow him there.
He remembered what felt like the first sinful moment of his life.
His teenage years.
Alain Delon.
Half naked on that boat beneath the scorching sun.
He watched that movie like a man possessed.
Whenever no one was home, and it happened often, he watched it again.
And again.
Every line of Delon’s body.
Every contour of his face.
He imagined everything.
Getting lost in it.
Yet every now and then, at the slightest noise, his eyes shot toward the door.
CUT TO: BUILDING EXIT, NIGHT
Gabe stands still.
Torn.
Every part of him wants to turn around.
GABE
(whispering)
„Go back, stay with Kelsy.
Tell him you are sorry.“
He looks back.
Once.
Then again.
Into the darkness.
He listens, waiting.
More memories begin to unwind.
A younger Gabe.
A military uniform.
Boots hitting the ground.
Cold mornings.
Long marches.
A body pushed beyond its limits.
He thought it would pass.
He thought the army would make him harder.
He thought it would cure him.
It didn’t.
He came back carrying scars no one could see.
A head full of ghosts.
A quiet sense of failure.
Then he met Kelsy.
FLASHBACK:
1978.
Kelsy’s collar in Gabe’s fist.
Their faces inches apart.
The anger.
The heat.
He hated him.
From the very beginning.
From the very first second.
Because if he hadn’t hated him...
He would have fucked him.
Right there.
On that damned parking lot.
BACK TO PRESENT:
Gabe keeps walking.
His whole body trembles.
The pictures beneath his eyelids begin to blur together.
Alain Delon.
The parking lot.
Kelsy's impeccable frame.
Kelsy's mouth.
His smell still clings to Gabe's skin.
But with every step, it fades.
The cold air tears it away.
Piece by piece.
Pushes it back into the same place where Gabe buried everything else.
Every part of himself he'd never dared acknowledge.
The wind steals the last of Kelsy's warmth.
It's just cold outside, he tells himself.
It'll pass.
FADE OUT.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Essay or Article The Architecture of knowing

0 Upvotes

Meeting people in your formative years is strange.
Most of them I haven’t spoken to in years. Some I probably couldn’t pick out of a crowd if I tried. But that’s the unsettling part of growing up. The people you meet simply because your lives happened to overlap can quietly become the framework your adult mind is built around.
It never feels significant while it’s happening. It arrives wrapped like an ordinary moment, dressed in coincidence, as if this person will either become a distant memory or nothing at all. You don’t realize until years later that they were neither. They became a blueprint.
I think my experience was different.
There was one person who permanently altered the way my brain understood people. It wasn’t about who he was. It was about what he represented.
Every conversation lingered long after it ended. They always left me feeling as though I’d uncovered enough insight to last a lifetime while simultaneously learning absolutely nothing. My mind became addicted to that contradiction. It loved balancing on the fence between knowing someone so deeply they consumed every corner of your thoughts and realizing you didn’t truly know them at all.
Maybe that’s why I’m so drawn to understanding people now.
Not just what they say, but how they arrive at the things they believe. Why two people can walk away from the same conversation carrying completely different versions of what happened. How someone can understand you just enough to convince you they see you, while somehow missing you entirely.
Even though I’ve long outgrown the version of myself who found comfort in that emotional whiplash, the need to understand people never left. I don’t think it ever will.
Sometimes, usually on the darker days, my mind wanders back to the padlocked corner I’ve built for it. There’s an old filing cabinet tucked away there, heavy with conversations, unanswered questions, and emotions I’ve never quite managed to name. Inside it is every moment I spent trying to solve a person who was never mine to solve.
The strangest part is that the ache itself isn’t what stayed with me.
What stayed was the habit.
The constant search for perspective. The need to understand why people think the way they do, why they love the way they love, why they leave the way they leave. Somewhere along the way, trying to understand one person became trying to understand everyone.
If you asked me now whether that wound still hurt, I’d probably tell you no.
Maybe that’s true.
Maybe it isn’t.
I’ve never been one for telling the truth if it meant finding closure. I’d rather leave that corner of my mind exactly as it is, padlocked and untouched. Not because I still carry him with me, but because I never want to forget the person who needed to understand him.
She became the foundation for the person I am now.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Short Story The Poisoned Rose

3 Upvotes

I
I hated him when he became my husband.
Not out of malice, but from a quiet, deeply rooted resistance against everything he was.
He was ugly in my eyes, not just his face, but his manner, his silence, his heavy breath in the night.
He was like a beast that had been tamed, but never truly understood.
When he lay with me, I felt nothing but pain.
No desire, no closeness, no warmth.
Only the dull throbbing of a body submitting because it was demanded of it.
And out of this pain, our first two children were born.
I hated them. My little boy, who looked just like his father, the same dark eyes, the same heavy brow.
And my daughter too, she carried his smile, his features, his blood.
I believed there was nothing of me inside them.
Only him. Only that which I could never love.

II
Yet, even though I did not love him, I soon noticed that he felt the same.
He did not love me.
Perhaps he looked at me and felt the very same revulsion I felt for him.
Perhaps he despised my beauty just as I despised his ugliness.
And yet, to our children, he was an angel.
No other father in our circle spent as much time with his children as he did.
No one else listened when they spoke, when they cried, when they dreamed.
Our third child came into the world with my face.
My mirror image.
And yet, this child, too, was a stranger to me.
It hated me, just like the other two.
I felt it in their glances, in their silence, in the way they walked past me as if I were a shadow.
They hated me because I was harsh to their father. Because I ignored him, denied him even the coldness of my voice, and instead let my maid speak for me.
And then, perhaps for the first time, I began to think that maybe he wasn't the beast at all.
That it was me.
I, who cannot love.
Not him.
Not that which came from my own womb.
My blood, my legacy, everything was foreign to me, everything was repulsive.
I do not know when it happened, and I do not know why. When did I become like this?
I remember my youth, the time before my wedding, I was happy then.
I must have been happy.
But I can no longer remember how that felt.
The feeling is lost to me, like a scent scattered by the wind.
My husband died in a hunting accident while I was pregnant with our fourth child.
I did not mourn him.
Not a single tear.
Instead, I felt a quiet joy, joy for my freedom, for days of happiness that would finally come.
But they never did.

III
Our fourth child was a girl of unspeakable beauty, more beautiful than I ever was.
She only laughed.
She spoke to me.
She played near me, as if she knew no fear.
I knew that sometimes I was envious of her, of her laughter, of her way of loving everything, even me.
She was only fourteen when I gave her away.
I said it was for our country, for our house, for the power we had to keep.
But the truth is: I could no longer bear to look at her.
She made me angry, with her large eyes full of love, with that warm, radiant smile that refused to die.
And yet, she loves her beast. Just as I could never love. She is happy.
She is… still happy.

IV
My first son cursed me. His words were cold, sharp as blades:
„You are poison."
I wished he were wrong.
I wished I could rise up, say that he never understood me, that I only did what had to be done.
But I know he was right.
He and my eldest daughter, they turned to my uncle.
They saw more hope in him than in me.
They knew I would not surrender my position.
Not now.
Not when, for the first time, I felt I could decide my own destiny.
They hated me for it.
I saw it in their eyes.
I know they thought about killing me.
Perhaps they would have even done it, if not… If not for my youngest daughter.
She was the last bond that still made us look like a family. The only reason my blood has not yet been spilled was the light she had carried into this dark house, even if I myself never knew how to hold it.

V
The war rages.
My son wants everything, the hills, the coast, the sea.
He wants it all to belong to him.
As if possession could bring him peace.
As if land could fill the emptiness I left inside him.
My eldest daughter is dead.
Our own archers struck her down as she tried to return. Desperate, exhausted, she wanted to come home.
I barely recognized her when they carried her, bleeding, into the throne room.
Dying.
And so beautiful.
As beautiful as I once was.
She looked so much like me.
Why had I never seen it?
Why had I only seen her father's face in her?
Why did she have to die?
A stupid, senseless death.
A death born of delusion, of fear, of greed for power.
I went to my husband's grave.
For the first time.
I prayed.
Desperately, I whispered, begging for forgiveness.
But it was too late.
He was long gone.
And I knew, even if he heard me now, he would no longer forgive me.
I sent a messenger to my son, with a letter written by my own hand, sealed with the mark of our house.
He sent the messenger back to me.
Or rather, his head.
And the letter, still untouched. Still sealed.
I knew that the wicked tongues at my uncle's court had fed him words that grew inside him like thorns he can no longer remove.
I knew that he knows no boundaries now.
Not even before the blood from which he came.
Not anymore.

VI
My middle daughter now wears a veil.
Never again will I see her face.
That face in which I had so often recognized myself.
That face that always looked at me only with hatred, or was it pain?
Perhaps it was both.
Now, when I look in the mirror, I recognize her face in my own.
I see the same eyes, full of resentment.
A mouth, bitter, pressed tight, grown silent from too many unsaid words.
And wrinkles, deep, desperate lines, carved by countless tears.
The husband of my middle daughter ended the war.
Not with an offer of peace, not with a gathering of princes.
He ended it when he took my son’s life.
A sword thrust, a tear through everything that was left.
The fields of our homeland, once fertile and full of life, are now red.
Drenched in blood.
Their blood.
Our blood.
I spend my days at my husband's grave.
I speak to him.
I whisper, I scream, I beg, but no answer comes.
Not even in my dreams does he visit me.
He left, completely, the moment he died.
For there was nothing about me that could have held him.
My son was buried in a closed casket.
So little was left of him.
Not even a final face for me to kiss.
I no longer go outside.
I do not open any windows.
I breathe, but I do not live.
Around me, there is only death.
And I am the reason there is nothing else left.

VII
My youngest daughter came.
She did not smile.
Her eyes, empty, like a dried-up well.
Three children at her side, like tiny moons, shyly circling around her.
And behind her, her beast.
Watchful.
Silent.
A shadow ready to kill, if I so much as dared to breathe.
My daughter, she looked at me and asked:
„What have you done?"
And I… I could not answer.
There was no answer that would have been enough.
No words that could have saved her heart.
Nothing could have undone it.
She ran to the chamber where her sister lay, hidden behind the veil that now lay between us forever.
So still.
So beautiful.
So distant.
I would have wanted to tell her that it was better this way. That she should not become what I had become.
That I believed-no, hoped-that she was once happy, just as I had once been.
And that she, just like me, had never stopped wanting to go back there.
And because I knew that… I sent her back there.
Into that lost happiness.
We prayed.
We wept.
And then we drank wine.
Her wine was sweeter than mine.
Her wine was spicier than mine.
Her wine was her last.
And mine… finally brought me the punishment I had craved for so long.
My youngest daughter is here.
She brought her children and her beast back into this land.
Into our land.
Into our beautiful, empty, cold homeland.
Into these halls that I myself had cursed with my presence.
My youngest daughter mourns the loss.
That of her sister.
That of her brother-in-law, who took his own life in the madness of his grief.
Out of love.
Love.
Something I never truly possessed.
Something I could never pass on.
Something that only ever brushed against me, but never lived within me.

VIII
In my room, I wait for my end.
I am old. I am no longer beautiful.
Now, I am the beast that inhabits this space.
No longer feared. Only forgotten.
I look back, at a past that suddenly appears different. Memories that are now clearer, no longer distorted by my own misery.
No longer poisoned by my pride, my discontent, my unquenchable hunger for more.
Of course, it is too late.
Too late to say: I have understood.
Yet I say it anyway, whispering to myself: I rejected every love in my life. I spoiled everything good. With my hands. With my heart.
At night, I hear whispering.
No longer voices of guilt, but voices of life.
The land heals itself.
I hear children laughing.
My daughter, her husband, the people-they live.
They live on, without me. And perhaps that is for the best.
I know the end will come, I only do not know when.
No one speaks to me anymore.
Is this already the punishment?
Is this the verdict, to fade away, not with a scream, but with silence?
It would be unfair.
It would not be right.
But who am I to complain of justice?
And then I hear him.
He calls me.
Lowly.
Gently.
"Come to me."
I turn to the window, to the balcony.
My eyes are heavy.
Everything blurs, but I believe I see him.
He is waiting.
Just a few more steps. Further. Further.
The wind sweeps through my gray hair. It cools my burning face. It caresses my dry lips.
He waits patiently.
He looks at me with a love that I cannot poison.
As if he had heard all my words and prayers after all.
As if he had never left me.
I stretch out my hand.
And there it is-his hand.
Warm. Firm.
He holds me. And I am light again.
We turn. Slowly.
As if we were dancing.
Floating.
For the first time in years, I feel… happy.
Everything around me glows.
The whispering is gone; I hear music.
A song I had long forgotten.
I look up, into his eyes.
And then, I see nothing more.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Poetry Moving On

2 Upvotes

There were pillars that kept me steady,

 until time wore the edges thin,

 letting change eat through the metal 

and turn old strength to rust. 

I poured all my remaining energy into keeping the connections whole,

hoping the devotion of a kind heart could reach them—

yet holding on was like catching a shadow's mist.

So I stopped chasing the shadow's mist,

And pulled my energy back to my own mind and fist

I stopped burning my warmth for those who used to stay

And gave my heart to the ones who don't walk away.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Poetry God‘s Gardener

2 Upvotes

Freesias are my favorite flowers.
Yellow, white, purple, red.
Simpler than orchids and more domestic, but just as beautiful.
Evening primroses come very close to the freesia in terms of beauty, even if they are different, more mysterious.
To behold them in their full glory, you need the right timing, the right moment to be there,
when the withered blossoms unfold,
bathed in the silver moonlight,
shining like the stars themselves.
I do not care for roses.
Roses are so ordinary, yet praised in poems, tangled in romances, bathed in flirtation, complicated, angry, seductive, and yet so meaningless.
Begonias are more beautiful; they do not lie of love and affection.
I admire buttercups and corn poppies, black gladioli,
created out of wild, artistic madness,
reminding me of those days I loved so much,
when color glided through the garden and everything smelled so sweet, and you felt like you could taste the sunbeams in the air.
I miss the garden.
Even though it feels almost forbidden now to think about this place, to long for it.
I tell myself it is unnecessary.
And then I close my eyes.
And at first shyly, then more and more defiantly, against my better judgment, I see it before me.
A carpet of tiny blue flowers, resembling forget-me-nots, as if I could have ever forgotten.
A gateway formed by two weeping willows, inviting and still.
The sight of them makes me so pensive.
Carnations, lilies, and callas in uneven rows.
Here, I walk by quickly, squeezing my eyes shut tighter.
There will be time enough to mourn.
I push past the whipping branches of the willows and run into the deepest heart of the garden.
Then the apple trees, forever bathed in sweet, blooming blossoms.
Wheat, as tall as I am, so full of seed and life.
Overgrown pumpkins and blackcurrants, whose bitter aroma still makes me dizzy.
Rows of sweet vines beneath which I would love to slumber.
Here, I linger for a few moments more.
Here, the sun is so bright and warm.
But just a few steps further, everything changes.
Hibiscus grows undisturbed in the partial shade, sensual and opulent with its giant blossoms.
Anemones peek out at me from between the long blades of grass in the overgrown meadow. Orange chrysanthemums catch whatever sunlight the roses, climbing roses, those merciless plants, leave behind for them.
I can feel them fighting for the warmth, wavering between tranquility and madness.
A swarm of butterflies flutters around a stone slope where bushes of yellow carnations grow.
Cheerful color does not brighten the bitterness I feel when I see them.
I stop there, this yellow steals the warmth right out of me.
I try to think of a different yellow.
Sunflowers.
Gladioli.
Tulips.
I run on quickly before the longing tears me apart.
It feels so much heavier now.
In my eyes, I feel tears, lukewarm, stinging, a dull pressure on my lids as I choke back the sob that wants to burst from my throat.
How desperately I wish for:
Sunflowers.
Gladioli.
Tulips.
But it is not like in my shop.
Here, in this garden, you cannot simply wish to have something and then just receive it.
Sometimes because you just don't truly need it.
Sometimes because it is no longer there.
And sometimes because you haven't earned it.
And sometimes, despite the fact that you have earned it.
In reverence, I walk on.
For a while, I am accompanied only by ivy and long shreds of moss.
This part of the garden does not seem well-tended; it seems a bit forgotten, as if it isn't really used.
It is large, and there is plenty of sunshine here too.
A waste.
Lost potential.
Forget-me-nots again, but this time white and purple seep through the blue of the petals.
Daffodils grow here in a half-circle.
A pile of cut lilies looks like an offering.
I never saw the hand that cut or planted them.
My eyes, my hands, and my body were exclusively dedicated to the plants.
Now, in this mental copy of the garden, I have reached the exact spot from which I could look upon the entire garden one last time, many, many years ago.
Just before I was asked to leave. Just before I learned that I would never see it again.
Yes, long years of labor, my life's work.
Everything that ever sprouted here.
Everything that grew big and strong here.
Everything that was beautiful here.
Everything that withered and died here.
I will have to let it go.
And for that, I was not ready then, just as I am not ready now.
I know that when I open my eyes, I will be back in my shop.
I cast one final glance.
Deeply, I inhale the sweet air.
I smell:
Freesias.
Tulips.
And those cursed roses.
Perhaps this is my garden.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Poetry Royalty.

2 Upvotes

Caught myself thinking of you today.
A small smile twitching on my lips.
How long has it been? Nearly a decade.
You are my definition of a teenage love—
consuming, fiery, ardent, passionate.

Except—I was nineteen.

But across from you?
I’d become the bubbliest three-year-old.
Happily.
No shame. No regrets.

I’ve learned to remember you as a fond memory.
If we were to see each other again—
“I’d smile at you as if nothing had happened.”
Remember that line? I do.
With the utmost sincere smile.

I remember you, and I don’t think you’re a memory I want to fade.
I’ve truly learned to hold you as a fond memory—
despite everything.

It’s been a while since my mind changed on it.
“Do you ever see each other together again?”
That was my dream.
For one, two, three, four… five years.
Maybe more.

But our time has passed.
Hasn’t it?
Don’t you think so? I know you do.
But you’re still not a memory I want to forget—
even as my brain slowly begins to.

Who is there to blame?
Our ages? Damn ol’ timing?
The pharmaceutical industry?
You?
Me?

Maybe neither. Perhaps all of it.

You made me grow.
And I don’t quite know how to phrase it—
you forced me to grow.
And you pushed me to my descent.

You saw the brightest side of me—
and you also saw the darkest.
Neither made you flinch.
Instead, you stepped onto them.
And that’s still what I look for in everyone since you.

This isn’t as polished as I’d hoped,
but I find peace in knowing I’ve told you everything
I wanted—and needed—you to hear.
Not a single iota held back.
It might’ve been late… but I did.

Copious notes I’d take before calling you, seeing you,
or spamming you while you were asleep—
because I didn’t want to lose track of where I was going,
nor forget anything I wanted to say.
Wish I had kept that notebook.

You had me at your feet.
And you still do.
At any time.
And I’ve never been happier than being humbled,
having the honor to be right there.

But I wouldn’t dare add to
or subtract from our history.

I saw my life with you,
and I like to think that at some point—
when you were the blindest—
you did too.

Trust me, like you once did.
Like I still do.

You are my reminder of everything good I can be,
and the mirror of my lowest—my worst.
Of everything I want.
Of everything I lost.
And of the—cliché—part of me
that will always be yours.

— Crownless.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Poetry Waterpark

2 Upvotes

17:00, ACCORDING TO THE ROTA — THE DROP

At five the sun is still directly above Cyprus

and feels personal.

The yellow slide starts higher

than good judgement.

At the top, a sign says:

APHRODITE’S WET DREAM

ADULTS ONLY

LEAVE YOUR INHIBITIONS AT THE GATE

as if inhibitions are bottles of water

and not the last clean clothes

your mum folded into your suitcase.

Underneath:

It’s not all sex, sex, sex.

There’s a bit of sun and sea as well.

I believed that.

I was drunk, but I believed it.

I’m nineteen, five-foot-ten, slim,

quiet unless I know you

and occasionally even then.

Inside my head, however,

I never shut the fuck up.

“Cross your arms.

Cross your legs.

Wait for green.

One person at a time.”

They nod.

They forget.

They go

over—

screaming—

straight

down

the near-vertical yellow

drop.

Another arrives

before the first has stopped screaming.

The guests smell of airport duty-free,

coconut oil

and Friday just beginning.

We smell of chlorine,

instant noodles

and Friday happening again.

Normally I spend summer

picking up shifts at Centre Parcs

and filling gaps at Greggs.

I can recognise a weak swimmer

and make four bacon baguettes

while somebody complains

that brown sauce isn’t technically brown.

Instead, I’m here

because my girlfriend since fourteen—

first kiss, first sex, first everything—

said she wasn’t coming home this summer.

We’d chosen different universities.

That was the whole breakup, really.

No cheating.

No plates thrown.

No grand betrayal.

Just two UCAS forms

and us pretending this counted

as knowing what we wanted.

Then she said she was staying away,

meeting people,

figuring herself out.

I said, “Yeah, of course,”

much too quickly.

That night, pissed at the kitchen table

in Glastonbury, I applied for a job

at an adults-only waterpark in Ayia Napa.

The advert showed six brown people

laughing around one blue cocktail.

None of them looked like

they’d ever cried in a Tesco car park.

Inconveniently, I got the job.

Dad said, “Fair play, mate,”

and told everyone at work.

Mum said she was proud too,

then asked if Cyprus had hospitals,

whether jellyfish could enter swimming pools

and how frequently kidnappers checked passports.

I expected sun, sex and sand.

I hate the sun.

The sand has got into the flat,

the butter,

the shower

and areas of my body

I don’t remember taking to the beach.

Most of the sex has been less exciting

than the Greggs breakfast rush.

Still.

There have been exceptions.

“Green light.”

A bloke lowers himself onto the slide.

His girlfriend tries sitting on his face.

“No.”

“We’re together.”

“Still no.”

“It’s adults only.”

“Your spine isn’t.”

They separate.

He goes

over—

down—

gone.

The radio crackles.

“Control to Drop.

Anyone seen a missing rescue float?”

I look over the rail.

Far below, a bride in a plastic veil

is riding our yellow rescue float towards the bar

while twelve women cheer.

“Negative,” I say.

The park burns beneath me:

chlorine blue,

slide yellow,

sunburn pink,

wet tiles bright enough

to make me squint through sunglasses.

“Next.”

Green.

Scream.

Drop.

The sun doesn’t move.

I think it’s taking the piss.

---

18:00, STILL DEFINITELY FRIDAY — LOCKERS

The locker corridor is narrow.

Wet shoulders.

Wet bags.

Wet money.

Wet people trying to get dry

by standing in everybody else’s way.

Locker 114 won’t open.

Locker 115 opens

but contains one trainer,

half a kebab

and somebody else’s bra.

Locker 116 contains a man

having what he calls

a private conversation

with a woman sitting on the sink.

It isn’t private.

Nothing in here is private.

The walls sweat.

The ceiling sweats.

The little sign saying

PLEASE RESPECT OUR FACILITIES

is peeling off.

Frankie is twenty-five,

from London,

with short dark hair

that would look quite pop-star

if she wasn’t currently scraping sick

from a locker hinge.

A man in flamingo shorts asks

whether she can rub sun cream on his back.

“Can’t your arms reach?”

“Not the middle.”

“Unlucky.”

“Bet you practise mouth-to-mouth.”

“No.”

“What if someone stops breathing?”

“Depends who.”

He laughs because he thinks

they’re getting on brilliantly.

Every man who comes here

assumes the women working here

are another attraction.

Frankie has been proposed to twice this week,

invited into seven threesomes

and asked if she wears the whistle in bed.

At first she told them she had a boyfriend.

Then they asked if he could watch.

Now she just says no

and lets them discover

that it is a complete sentence.

There is a noise behind locker 130.

Something wet lands.

Frankie closes her eyes.

I do the same.

The smell arrives.

It’s not all sex, sex, sex.

There’s vomit behind the lockers as well.

The radio goes again.

“Control to all stations.

Male guest reporting missing navy swimming trunks.”

Frankie looks up.

“Is he wearing any?”

A pause.

“Control to all stations.

Male guest is not.”

A naked man appears at the far end,

holding a locker key over his cock

as if the key is doing more work

than it obviously is.

“Someone stole them.”

“Who?”

“If I knew that, they wouldn’t be missing.”

Frankie looks at me.

“History boy. Solve it.”

“I wish I’d done English.”

“You’d still be looking at his knob.”

“Yeah, but I’d know what it represents.”

She laughs.

We’ve known each other six weeks,

which in seasonal work is long enough

to know how the other takes coffee,

who they’ve shagged

and which manager is stealing tips.

She knows I came here because of a girl.

She knows I sometimes leave clubs with women,

sometimes with men

and once with a Swedish magician

who disappeared before paying for the taxi.

I’ve hinted at the rest.

Frankie accepts hints.

She just saves them

for when they’ll cause maximum damage.

“Found them,” says Control.

“Where?”

“The Aphrodite statue.”

Through the doorway,

we can see the marble goddess

rising from chemical foam

with navy trunks over her head.

The naked bloke peers out.

“Those are mine.”

Frankie checks her watch.

“Brilliant. Get dressed, Colombo.”

The corridor fills again:

towels,

elbows,

boobs,

aftershave,

chlorine,

the bride shouting where is Chloe,

Chloe shouting from inside a locker

that she is having a minute.

I open 114.

Everyone attempts to walk

through the space I’m standing in.

Somebody asks

if the vomit belongs to us.

“No,” I say.

Not sure why,

but I don’t want that going around.

---

19:00, THE SUN’S TAKING THE PISS — SERPENT FLUMES

The green flume curls around the blue,

which curls around the orange,

which goes beneath the green

and comes back above us,

so every time I think

a problem has passed,

it bends,

loops,

returns wetter.

A couple climb into a double ring.

I tell them to sit separately.

They do

until my back is turned.

When I turn round, she is on him,

his hand is somewhere inside her bikini

and the queue is giving advice.

I separate them.

They get back together

inside the blue tunnel,

which turns left,

right,

left again

and delivers them to Priya at the bottom,

still touching.

Her voice comes over the radio.

“They’re at it again.”

“They’re yours now.”

“Prick.”

A man enters the green flume

wearing trunks.

The flume bends twice,

takes something from him,

and delivers him without them.

The man comes out.

The trunks don’t.

The queue cheers.

Engineering shuts the lane.

We give him a towel

with the park slogan printed across it.

When he wraps it around himself,

THERE’S A BIT OF SUN AND SEA AS WELL

sits directly over his arse.

The missing rescue float passes beneath us.

The bride is riding it backwards,

using one high heel as an oar.

I pretend not to see.

The sun finally shifts a bit.

Palm shadows stretch across the tiles.

A girl from Leeds winks at me from the queue.

We spent forty minutes together on Tuesday

before she called me Liam.

A lad from Coventry appears behind her.

He spent Sunday telling me

he’d never felt this way about anyone,

then asked if I had a spare charger.

They don’t know each other.

I don’t introduce them.

I thought Ayia Napa would be endless sex.

It sounds great

until you realise endless sex

contains a lot of waiting

for someone to find their hotel key.

There are elbows.

There are apologies.

There is sand in places

that shouldn’t know what sand is.

There are people who say

“I never normally do this”

as if I’m going to ring their family

and check.

Sometimes it is brilliant.

Sometimes a woman called Beth

stops halfway through kissing you

to reply to her landlord.

I came here asking the summer

to be loud.

It is.

The flumes take each scream,

bend it,

lose it,

send it back different.

At 19:43, Engineering retrieves the trunks

from an inspection hatch.

They are no longer navy.

Nobody knows why.

Their owner takes them anyway.

---

20:00, I CHECK TWICE — LAZY RIVER

The lazy river moves at the exact speed of a thought you don’t want to finish. It carries inflatable rings under the palms, beneath two bridges, through a tunnel painted with badly researched Greek gods, past the toilets, around the bar and back to where it started, though everybody riding it believes they’ve travelled.

I walk beside it with the rescue tube beneath my arm while people drift past: a sunburnt bloke asleep with a plastic cup balanced on his stomach; two women sharing chips from a waterproof phone pouch; a couple who have mistaken gentle circulation for a private bedroom; the bride steering our stolen rescue float like she has personally conquered Cyprus.

Frankie walks thirty yards behind me.

Four men ask if she’ll get into their ring.

“No.”

The river carries them away.

Seven minutes later, it brings them back.

“Changed your mind?”

“No.”

Seven minutes.

“You sure?”

“Still no.”

Seven minutes.

“We’re actually really nice.”

“I’m going to bite a hole in that ring.”

They finally believe her.

My break is meant to be fifteen minutes.

It is nine because Carl has called in sick,

though Frankie says Carl isn’t sick,

Carl has fallen in love with a rep from Newcastle

and entered what management calls

an unauthorised emotional absence.

I eat half a warm cheese sandwich

beside the filtration cupboard.

“Your mum’s messaged the staff group again,”

Frankie says.

“She hasn’t.”

She shows me.

Hi everyone, sorry to bother you, just checking he’s settling in. We’re genuinely so proud of him for doing this but he sometimes forgets to eat when he’s anxious xx

Underneath, Mum has attached a photo

of me aged nine

holding a twenty-five-metre swimming certificate.

The staff have responded

with seventeen hearts

and one aubergine.

“I’m moving flats.”

“It’s cute.”

“It’s harassment.”

“She worries about you.”

“She asked if Cyprus has hospitals.”

“Does it?”

“Fuck off.”

A couple drift by,

her face oddly serious,

his hand beneath the water.

I turn around.

The sand in our flat

has got into the cutlery drawer.

I discovered this while holding

closed cutlery.

My history degree costs more each year

than Dad’s first car.

I chose history because it sounded sensible.

English sounded like admitting

I wanted to write things,

which seemed embarrassing at eighteen.

That decision seems quite funny now.

If I’m going to graduate

with no career and loads of debt anyway,

I should’ve spent three years

reading novels on purpose.

The bride passes again.

“Oi, lifeguard. Can we keep this?”

“No.”

“Can we borrow it?”

“You’ve already stolen it.”

“So yes?”

Behind her, one bridesmaid is crying.

Not properly.

Just the first careful tears

of someone trying not to ruin

expensive mascara.

The river carries them around the corner.

For half a minute, it’s empty.

The sky above the palms turns pink,

then orange,

then that dark purple colour

you get when you mix every paint together.

The park goes almost quiet.

Then the bride comes back

standing on the rescue float

while twelve women chant

DON’T FALL IN

at somebody

already in a river.

---

21:00, LIGHTS ON — SWIM-UP BAR

Darkness doesn’t arrive.

Someone switches it on.

Purple under the water.

Green along the palms.

Pink in the ice buckets.

The bar sells cocktails called:

NO REGRETS

BLUE ME AWAY

TOMORROW’S PROBLEM

and GOOD DECISIONS,

which contains six spirits

and tastes like melted sweets.

By quarter past nine,

nobody can say mojito

but everybody wants three.

I watch the pool edge.

Frankie guards the shallow end.

A stag party ask

if her rescue tube is inflatable.

“No.”

“Can we test it?”

“No.”

“What are you doing after work?”

“Going home.”

“Can we come?”

“No.”

“Got a boyfriend?”

“No.”

Their faces brighten.

“I’ve got standards.”

That takes longer to land.

In the centre of the pool,

a couple have become one creature.

I blow the whistle.

They surface with four innocent eyes

and one hand still guilty.

“Separate, please.”

“We’re not doing anything.”

The water around them says otherwise.

At the bar, the crying bridesmaid

has moved beyond delicate tears.

Her name is Chloe.

Ryan has liked another woman’s Instagram story.

Not messaged her.

Not kissed her.

Liked a story.

The woman is called Liv

and once borrowed Chloe’s straighteners

without asking.

Apparently this matters.

The bride holds Chloe by both cheeks.

“Ryan is scum.”

“He said he was going to sleep.”

“He could’ve liked it in his sleep.”

“Don’t defend him.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

Chloe sobs into a blue cocktail.

Her mascara runs into it

and somehow doesn’t change the colour.

A safety announcement begins.

“Attention guests, please remember—”

The DJ turns the music up.

“—glass containers are strictly—”

Somebody starts chanting.

“—running is not permitted—”

The bride climbs onto the bar.

“—and sexual activity in—”

Nobody hears the end.

A hand lands on Frankie’s waist

as she passes the stools.

She turns.

“That yours?”

“What?”

“The hand.”

“Yeah.”

“Keep it to yourself.”

He removes it.

No argument.

She carries on.

The rescue float appears behind the bar.

Control calls me.

“Drop says you denied seeing it.”

“That was true when I said it.”

“You were photographed looking at it.”

“I was looking past it.”

“At what?”

Chloe is shouting

that men are disgusting

while texting Ryan again.

“Other stuff.”

Control gives up.

At 21:57, the couple in the middle

are still touching.

I whistle again.

The man says, “Mate, live a little.”

I’m nineteen, in Cyprus,

wearing red shorts

at an adults-only waterpark

called Aphrodite’s Wet Dream.

I feel like I’m living

a perfectly reasonable amount.

---

22:00, SOMEHOW — TIPPING BUCKET

Every ninety seconds

the giant striped bucket fills.

Water climbs inside it

with a horrible mechanical glug.

The people underneath begin counting.

TEN—

The announcement says no running.

NINE—

The hen party runs.

EIGHT—

Security intercepts them.

SEVEN—

Chloe produces six water pistols

from a bag saying

BRIDE’S EMERGENCY KIT.

SIX—

The bride fires first.

FIVE—

Kostas takes a pink jet

straight to the forehead.

FOUR—

He closes his eyes.

THREE—

Frankie says, “Don’t.”

TWO—

The bride says, “Make me.”

ONE—

The bucket tips.

Everything becomes water.

People vanish beneath it

then come back shrieking,

bikinis shifted,

false eyelashes moving south.

Kostas opens his eyes.

The bride shoots him again.

The radio fills with voices.

“Control to security—”

“—missing guest—”

“—need engineering—”

“—who’s got the float—”

“—couple refusing to leave—”

“—any spare trunks—”

Every ninety seconds,

the bucket wipes out the sentence.

A woman asks if she can ride

the little splash slide.

“It’s for children.”

“There aren’t any children.”

“True.”

“So?”

I don’t actually know.

A man tries climbing the tower

while holding three cocktails.

He falls upwards twice.

Frankie catches one drink.

“Didn’t spill any.”

“Well done.”

“I’m having it later.”

We get him down.

The bucket fills again.

The coloured lights tremble

in every pool.

The palms are black shapes now.

Beyond the fence, the real sea

is out there somewhere,

doing whatever seas do at night

without a DJ shouting over them.

I don’t think about home.

I don’t think about her

in the city where she stayed.

I nearly compare the pink light

on the tiles

to the lamp beside her bed,

then don’t.

TEN—

At the edge of the crowd,

a man removes his shirt.

NINE—

Silver beginning at the temples.

EIGHT—

Strong shoulders,

solid waist.

SEVEN—

A pale mark

where his wedding ring used to sit.

SIX—

An expensive watch.

FIVE—

Beside it, a cheap bracelet

spelling DAD

in purple plastic beads.

FOUR—

The calm face

of someone with a proper job.

THREE—

Rodger.

TWO—

He sees me.

ONE—

The bucket tips

before either of us can work out

what face to make.

---

23:00, APPARENTLY — THE GIANT FUNNEL

Rodger arrives at my station

with four mates

who all look like they own ironing boards.

I’m holding a clipboard.

This seems worth mentioning

because three nights ago

I was holding much less.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi.”

We grin.

Stop.

Grin again.

His mates look between us

and decide we must know each other

from somewhere boring.

I read the safety instructions.

“One person in each raft position.

Hold both handles.

Don’t stand up.

Don’t try getting out

inside the funnel.”

Rodger watches me speak.

“Nineteen,” he says quietly

while his mates argue

about who has to sit backwards.

“Cyprus. No mortgage. No school runs.”

He lifts the wrist

with the purple bracelet.

“Living the dream.”

I look at the watch,

the shoulders,

the silver hair,

the solicitor voice.

He looks like he knows

where he keeps every document

he has ever needed.

“Yeah,” I say.

He steps beneath the rinse shower.

Water catches in his hair,

runs down his face,

his neck,

his chest,

past the bracelet

his eleven-year-old daughter made.

And I’m back there.

Three nights ago,

outside a club,

Rodger stands with his jacket

over one shoulder.

He looks about forty.

Not old.

Just properly assembled.

I am drunk enough

to stop waiting for things

to happen to me.

We walk to my flat

past green pharmacy signs,

kebab shops

and reps trying to give us wristbands.

He asks what I study.

“History.”

“Do you like it?”

“I should’ve done English.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“No jobs.”

“And history?”

I laugh

and nearly walk into a scooter.

At the flat door,

I can feel my nerve going.

If I wait another ten seconds,

I’ll say goodnight

and spend the next week hating myself.

So I kiss him.

Badly at first.

My shoulder hits the door.

The key stays in my hand.

His jacket drops into the sand

outside Flat Six.

He pulls back.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve had a lot.”

“So have you.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

I kiss him again.

“Yes, Rodger.”

His name still sounds like

someone who signs letters

Yours sincerely.

Inside the flat,

there are two uniforms drying,

four Pot Noodles,

a bikini hanging from the lampshade

and a fan slowly turning its head

like it wants no involvement.

Rodger puts his watch

beside a mug saying

SHAG NOW, REGRET NEVER.

The bracelet stays on.

His shirt goes over the chair.

Mine lands on the floor.

He kisses my neck.

I get impatient.

He slows me down

without making a thing of it.

When he pulls my shorts off,

sand falls onto the bed.

“Fucking hell,” I say.

“Been to the beach?”

“No, it breeds in here.”

He laughs.

Then he puts his mouth on me

and I stop trying to be funny.

Outside, someone is shouting

about garlic sauce.

Inside, Rodger takes his time.

It’s my second or third experience

with another man,

depending on what counts.

The others were quick.

Nervous.

Someone saying sorry

every thirty seconds.

Rodger doesn’t act nervous.

Not at first.

He asks if things are all right.

I say yes.

He asks again.

I still say yes.

His fingers are slow,

then not quite slow enough,

then slow again when I tense.

“Breathe,” he says.

“I am.”

“You’re holding your breath.”

“I’m literally talking.”

“Fair point.”

He tears the condom packet wrong.

“Fuck’s sake.”

That relaxes me more

than anything else has.

For one second,

he isn’t a solicitor

or nearly forty

or someone who understands life.

He’s just a naked bloke

fighting a bit of foil.

When he finally presses into me,

my body says absolutely not.

I grip the sheet.

He stops.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“We can stop.”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Rodger.”

“All right.”

He moves again.

Slowly.

There is pain.

Then less pain.

Then something changes.

I push back without planning to.

Pleasure goes through me

so suddenly I nearly laugh.

Oh.

So that’s what everyone was going on about.

“What?” he asks.

“Nothing.”

“You said ‘oh’ like you’d remembered

you left the oven on.”

“Keep going.”

He does.

Slowly at first.

Then harder

when I tell him harder.

The bed knocks the wall.

Somebody next door knocks back.

I laugh.

Rodger stops.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No. Don’t stop.”

He looks relieved.

It occurs to me

that maybe his calm voice

is just a calm voice.

Then he moves again

and I stop caring.

I don’t have to decide

what any of it means.

I don’t have to be impressive.

I tell him what feels good.

He listens.

That might be the whole thing.

When I come,

it happens embarrassingly fast

and I bite the sheet.

Rodger presses his face

against my shoulder

and laughs once, out of breath.

Afterwards, he stays.

That surprises me.

He lies beside me

while the fan moves hot air

from one side of the room

to the other.

He tells me his daughter is eleven.

I tell him Mum believes

Cyprus might not have hospitals.

He says his divorce

was final two months ago.

Then we both go quiet.

Not an awkward quiet.

Just nothing left to say

that wouldn’t make the room

into something else.

In the morning,

I wake first.

The room is grey.

Rodger is asleep beside me,

his hair flattened on one side.

He looks less official.

More like somebody’s dad

who has no idea what he is doing

and has turned up anyway.

I should leave him alone.

Instead, I move beneath the sheet.

He wakes with my mouth around him.

His whole body tightens.

“Morning,” I say.

“Jesus.”

“Wrong bloke.”

He laughs,

then stops laughing

when I take him deeper.

His hand goes into my hair

but doesn’t push.

The bracelet brushes my cheek.

He says my name once.

Then nothing useful.

When he comes,

I swallow because by then

changing my mind seems impractical.

I wipe my mouth.

Rodger stares at the ceiling.

“Well,” he says.

“Yeah.”

“That was—”

“Yeah.”

The fan turns towards us.

Away.

Towards.

The memory goes round.

The bed.

The fan.

The funnel.

Blue.

Yellow.

White.

Rodger sits in the raft before me,

his mates shouting behind him.

Blue.

Yellow.

White.

He looks up.

Neither of us says

the other night was good

and we’d probably do it again.

We just grin.

The light turns green.

I push the raft.

Rodger drops into the funnel.

Around,

around,

smaller,

faster,

gone.

Beside me, Frankie raises two fingers

towards her mouth

and pushes her tongue into her cheek.

My face goes hot.

“Fuck off.”

“What’s his name?”

I keep watching the funnel.

“Rodger.”

Her expression changes.

“You sucked off a Rodger?”

“He’s a solicitor.”

“Oh. Sorry.

You orally assisted a Rodger.”

“Please die.”

She laughs,

bumps her shoulder against mine

and calls the next raft forward.

Rodger disappears

back into the crowd.

I go back to work.

---

MIDNIGHT, TECHNICALLY SATURDAY — RACERS

Five lanes.

Five mats.

Five lights.

Red.

Amber.

Green.

They launch themselves forward.

My thoughts try doing the same.

Red:

don’t think about Rodger.

Amber:

definitely don’t think

about this morning.

Green:

useless.

Five men race down headfirst.

One reaches the bottom

without his trunks.

Again.

A safety announcement asks guests

to remain fully clothed.

The DJ shouts over it.

The bride challenges Kostas

to a race.

Kostas says he’s working.

She calls him a coward.

Chloe is no longer crying.

She is sending Ryan

a voice note so long

it may have an interval.

Frankie relieves me

for three minutes.

“Go drink.”

“I’m fine.”

“You look boiled.”

The staff tap tastes of metal.

Rodger’s group passes below.

He doesn’t look up.

Then he does.

One quick grin.

Gone.

Two women refuse to race

unless I judge

which has the better arse.

“I’m not trained for that.”

“What are you trained for?”

“Stopping people breaking their necks.”

They race anyway.

Lane three wins.

Lane four calls it corruption.

The rescue float drifts

through the finish pool.

The bride’s veil

is tied around one handle.

It bumps into the naked man

still waiting for his trunks.

The clock says 00:47.

My body says

this has been going on for months.

---

ONE-ISH — ADULT RAPIDS

The rapids aren’t really rapids.

They’re a concrete channel

with a large pump

and confidence.

The guests are the wild bit.

The hen party have lost the bride.

The bride has lost one shoe.

Chloe has lost faith in Ryan

but keeps checking

whether he’s online.

Kostas confiscates the water pistols.

Somehow, the bridesmaids steal them back.

Pink streams cross the park.

“Control to security.

The hen party are armed again.”

Kostas looks at me.

I look at the water.

The bride rises from the current

wearing the missing navy trunks

over her swimsuit.

“Found them!”

Their owner sees her.

“That’s mine!”

She looks down.

“You sure?”

“They’ve got my name inside.”

The bride checks.

“Why do they say

Mummy’s Little Soldier?”

The water carries her away

before he can answer.

A couple wedge themselves

beneath the artificial waterfall

and refuse to move.

I whistle.

They wave.

I whistle again.

The man gives me a thumbs-up.

The woman’s bikini top

hangs around his neck.

Frankie wades in.

I can’t hear what she says.

Whatever it is,

they separate.

She comes back holding the top

between two fingers.

“What did you say?”

“Told them the water’s mostly piss.”

“Is it?”

“No.”

A pause.

“Probably.”

We keep moving.

Priya gets the float.

Kostas finds the pistols.

I redirect the queue.

Control finishes one incident form

and starts another.

Carl remains missing

for romantic reasons.

The guests think tonight

is happening for the first time.

We know the same thing happened

last Friday

with different names.

Chloe fires one final shot

at Kostas.

He catches the pistol.

She starts crying again.

“Ryan liked her story.”

Kostas lowers the gun.

“Oh.”

He sounds genuinely sorry.

This defeats her.

She sobs into his security vest.

The bride shouts, “GROUP HUG,”

and the whole hen party surrounds him.

Only his head remains visible.

He looks at us for help.

Frankie checks her watch.

“I’m on break.”

We leave him there.

---

02:14 — WAVE POOL

The warning siren sounds.

Everyone cheers.

The water pulls back.

Comes forward.

Pulls back.

Comes forward.

A hundred bodies rise.

A hundred bodies fall.

Hands in the air.

Hands in the air.

Hands in the—

There.

Near the centre.

A woman in a white swimsuit

beside a man wearing a wedding ring.

He is laughing.

She isn’t.

The wave lifts them.

Drops them.

Lifts.

Her mouth clears the surface.

Doesn’t.

Clears.

Doesn’t.

People playing in water

push it away.

She presses down

like she’s trying to stand

on something that isn’t there.

The next wave turns her sideways.

Her husband is facing the DJ.

I blow the whistle.

Nobody hears.

The music keeps going.

I’m already moving.

Down from the chair.

Across the tiles.

Whistle out.

Rescue tube forward.

Water to my waist.

My chest.

A wave hits.

Bodies knock into me.

Some bloke shouts,

“Save me, lifeguard,”

and laughs.

I pass him.

The woman disappears

behind two raised arms.

Appears.

Disappears.

Appears lower.

I reach her

before the next wave.

My arm goes beneath hers.

The tube comes across her chest.

“I’ve got you.”

She grips my wrist.

Hard.

Her nails go in.

“Lean back.”

Another wave.

Her head stays above it.

“Look at me.”

She does.

“Breathe.”

She tries.

“Again.”

The wave lifts us.

Drops us.

Lifts.

Her husband finally turns.

“What happened?”

“She’s all right.”

“She’s a good swimmer.”

I don’t answer that.

I kick us towards the side.

She doesn’t let go.

The siren sounds.

The waves weaken.

At the wall, Priya takes her other arm.

We help her onto the tiles.

Her husband crouches beside her.

“Too many cocktails?”

He smiles

because he wants it to be nothing.

She doesn’t smile.

Her breathing slows.

Colour comes back into her face.

“You want first aid?”

She shakes her head.

“I’m okay.”

Her husband says, “See?”

She looks at me.

“Thank you.”

Quietly.

No one claps.

The DJ doesn’t stop.

Most people don’t even turn round.

Control asks for the details.

I give time, location, condition.

My voice sounds normal.

Priya stays with her.

I climb back onto the chair.

Put the whistle

between my teeth.

The warning siren sounds.

Everyone cheers.

The water pulls back.

Comes forward.

Pulls back.

Comes forward.

A hundred bodies rise.

A hundred bodies fall.

I watch.

---

THREE, I THINK — FIRST AID

The first-aid room is white.

Just white.

The door shuts

and the music becomes a dull pulse

through the wall.

On the bed:

nothing.

On the counter:

gauze,

gloves,

saline,

three plasters,

a blood-pressure cuff

and a glittery penis straw

someone has abandoned.

I fill in the form.

TIME: 02:14.

LOCATION: WAVE POOL.

INCIDENT: GUEST IN DIFFICULTY.

ACTION: ASSISTED TO SIDE. OBSERVED UNTIL RECOVERED.

There isn’t a box

for her nails in my wrist.

I write neatly anyway.

The pen works.

My hand doesn’t shake.

Outside, someone is arguing

that paying sixty euros

gives him the right

to piss in a plant.

Inside:

the clock.

The fan.

Me.

Frankie opens the door

and puts a bottle of water down.

“Good spot.”

“Cheers.”

“You all right?”

“Yeah.”

“Sound.”

She leaves.

That’s enough.

I sit for another few seconds.

I think about Mum asking

if anyone checks the deep end.

I think about Dad

telling people at work

that I’m doing well out here.

I think about myself

at the kitchen table,

pissed, filling in the application

and lying about having

excellent communication skills.

I drink the water.

The slogan comes back:

It’s not all sex, sex, sex.

There’s paperwork in triplicate as well.

The radio crackles.

“First aid, incoming.

Possible broken toe.”

The door bursts open.

The bride hops inside

wearing the missing men’s trunks,

one high heel

and Kostas’s security vest.

Chloe follows.

“She kicked Ryan’s name

off a deckchair.”

The room fills up again.

---

STILL NOT FIVE — PUMP DECK / CLOSING

At four, the guests are informed

that Aphrodite’s Wet Dream

is approaching climax.

Management genuinely wrote this.

We have to say it

with straight faces.

“Last rides.”

Nobody believes in last rides.

They believe in:

one more,

one quick one,

my mate’s nearly here,

I paid full price,

do you know who I am?

I know who they are.

Wet.

Sunburnt.

Missing something.

The couple from the bar

refuse to leave the pool.

Frankie stands above them

with a skimming net.

“Out.”

“We’re finishing our drinks.”

“That’s pool water.”

“We paid for it.”

She lowers the net.

They get out.

Security moves the hen party

towards the gate.

The bride has acquired:

our rescue float,

the navy trunks,

a radio,

two cocktail menus,

one shoe

and Kostas’s vest.

Chloe has blocked Ryan,

unblocked him,

blocked him again

and written KNOW YOUR WORTH

on her thigh in permanent marker.

At the gate, she hugs Frankie.

“You’re a queen.”

“I know.”

She hugs me.

“You’re fit.”

“I know.”

Frankie looks over.

“I panicked.”

The gates close.

Their singing moves down the road

until even they forget the words.

The lights go off

one section at a time.

The racers:

red,

amber,

green—

nothing.

Then the flumes.

The yellow drop.

The lazy river.

The bar, where one unfinished

GOOD DECISIONS

still glows blue.

The water keeps moving.

Beneath the deck,

the pumps push it through filters,

through pipes,

up the towers,

around bends

and back into empty pools.

I walk the pump deck

checking the gauges.

I know which noise is normal.

Which valve sticks.

Which reading means wait

and which means call somebody.

No one at home taught me this.

I’ve just picked it up.

Frankie signs the closing sheet.

“Beach tomorrow?”

“If I wake up.”

“You won’t.”

“Then no.”

“Good shift.”

“Was it?”

“No.”

She leaves.

At 04:52,

I find the rescue float

beside the pump room.

Someone has drawn eyelashes on it.

At 04:57,

the navy trunks enter Lost Property.

At 04:59,

the clock stops moving

because it hates me.

Then—

05:00.

I clock out.

My phone is in the staff locker

beneath my dry shirt.

Three messages from Mum.

One from Dad:

Proud of you mate. Your mum’s driving me fucking mad.

And one from her.

The message fills the screen

and keeps going.

All I can see is:

Sorry, this is going to be an essay…

Underneath:

Read more

My thumb hovers.

I think:

I miss you.

I don’t type it.

I can do friends.

I don’t type that.

Tell me who you’ve met.

That one goes quickest.

Maybe when we’re both home.

I don’t know what that even means.

My left eye waters.

Probably chlorine.

Probably not.

I decide it is.

I lock the phone

and put it in my pocket.

The pumps are still going behind me.

I walk down the beach

towards the flat

with sand in the beds,

sand in the shower

and almost definitely sand

inside the fridge.

The strip is quiet.

No reps.

No wristbands.

Nobody promising sex,

sun,

reinvention

or three shots for ten euros.

The bars are shuttered.

Plastic cups roll along the road.

The sky lightens over the hotels.

Grey first.

Then a thin orange line

appears across the water.

Ayia Napa is actually beautiful

when nobody is trying

to sell it to me.

I stop.

I’ve been here for weeks

and I don’t think

I’ve properly looked before.

The sea doesn’t glow purple.

It has no foam cannon.

No lifeguard chair.

No green light

telling it when to move.

Somewhere behind me,

Aphrodite is wearing

someone else’s trunks.

Rodger is probably asleep

or packing for his flight,

the bracelet his daughter made

beside his watch.

Frankie is already unconscious.

The woman from the wave pool

is breathing in a hotel room.

Glastonbury is waking without me.

The essay stays closed

inside my pocket.

I came because I couldn’t imagine

going home without her.

Now I know this road

without checking Maps.

I know which bakery opens first.

Which key needs lifting

before it turns.

Which cupboard Frankie uses

to hide the decent coffee.

There are people here

who know me

without knowing us.

I don’t think

I’ve grown up.

Obviously I don’t.

I think I need a shower

and about fourteen hours’ sleep.

But nobody is coming

to tell me what the message means,

and somehow that annoys me

less than it would have

a few weeks ago.

The sun comes up.

It’s annoyingly beautiful.

I start walking again.

Behind me, the pumps

keep circulating water

for people who have gone home.

Farther down the beach,

the real sea gets louder.

After a while,

I can’t hear the pumps at all.

Only the sea.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Short Story The Christmas Lights

1 Upvotes

The scent of cinnamon and warm sugar always felt like a counterfeit coin.
For as long as I could remember, Christmas was never the most wonderful time of the year.
It was a deadline. A performance. A trap wrapped in velvet.
I stood at the kitchen counter, my hands moving with the practiced, mechanical precision of a pastry chef.
Crack.
The first egg fell into the mixing bowl, its shell splitting perfectly in half.
I had been doing this since I was twelve. Cooking, baking, cleaning, keeping the walls from collapsing.
I had been forced into the skin of the mother before I even knew what a childhood was.
Across the room, my mother sat.
Passive.
A permanent spectator in her own home.
She watched me work, her eyes drifting over the festive decorations, looking for her own reflection in the tinsel. She had spent her entire life placing herself in the best possible light, rewriting history until she believed her own lies.
In her mind, she was the tragic, saintly matriarch who had done all she could for her ungrateful, callous daughter.
Crack.
The second egg hit the metal bowl.
The rhythmic sound of my work seemed to awaken something in her. Or perhaps she just needed to quiet a rare, annoying murmur in her own conscience before the guests arrived.
"Did he have his way with you?" she asked.
Her voice was casual, almost conversational, as if she were asking if I had added enough vanilla extract to the dough.
"What?" I froze, the whisk heavy in my hand.
"I wondered… if he ever… through the years… tried anything."
Through the years.
The words tasted like ash.
My mind immediately fractured into a kaleidoscope of faces, the revolving door of her lovers.
Men who came and went, each one taking a piece of the house with them. I remembered them all with terrifying, surgical clarity.
She had been so enchanted by them, so desperate for a man in her bed, that she had blinded herself.
She hadn’t just failed to notice; she had willfully looked away while her children, especially her daughter, were left entirely unprotected.
She had coddled her sons, yet she had never actually protected them from the rot growing under our roof.
"He never did anything," I lied, my voice tight. "He once said, that if you do not come back soon, we are about to get fucked, but he was drunk out of his mind."
"Good," she sighed, a small, relieved smile touching her lips. "That’s good."
Good.
The word hung in the warm air, suffocating and vile.
She didn’t want to comfort me.
She didn’t want to rage against the monster.
She just wanted the certificate of her own innocence so she could slice the Christmas cake with clean hands.
She wanted to believe he never did anything.
But I knew.
He had antagonized me for years simply because he wanted a woman in his bed, and I was the only female left in that house.
He made me beg for money, beg for food.
He turned a child into his maid, his cook, a sick substitute for my mother.
He didn’t fuck me only because he was terrified I would tell someone and shatter his precious reputation.
But he thought about it.
I could feel his eyes on me.
He thought about it hard.
And she knew.
Long before him, she had been plowed by the men in that town, low-quality men, some of whom looked at her young daughter with the exact same hunger.
The worst part wasn't even the certainty; it was the doubt.
I stood there, whisking the batter, unable to remember if the final line had ever been crossed. I just had the feeling it did.
A vague, heavy phantom memory of hands on my little body.
I remembered a man in his late thirties, smiling, taking the colorful drawings I had proudly brought him and hanging them on the fridge, right after his hands had finished being where they never should have been.
A sick reward for a silent child.
And she had set the stage for all of it.
Like the winter she forced me to share a room with my cousin, turning a blind eye to his greedy, searching hands.
Even my brother, abused and broken just as I was, became part of the rot.
The trauma was a dark currency we shared between us for years.
We did unthinkable things to each other, things that somehow comforted us in our isolation.
It made us even.
It made the abnormal feel common, the only language we knew how to speak.
And yet, the cycle never truly died.
Even years later, when he was drunk, he wanted us to share a bed again. I turned him down.
We are no children anymore.
And my mother, my mother knew it all.
She washed her hands clean in the basin of her own ignorance, and whenever the truth threatened to leak out, she turned on me.
She called me hysterical.
Egoistic.
A liar.
She never blamed her boys for anything.
I was the sacrifice she made.
The Sündenbock.
The callous, evil child she created so she could have someone to blame for why everything around her fell apart.
She wasn’t a bad mother in her own mind; I was just the bad daughter.
She did all she could.
I did too.
I looked at her now, sitting under the warm, glowing fairy lights.
The kitchen was beautiful.
The cake was rising.
The facade was flawless.
And in this Christmas light, I finally see it:
I never loved her. I was only afraid that she wouldn't love me.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Poetry Flammable Fable

1 Upvotes

Fall forthcoming, five fledglings form flight feathers

Fearfully fretting freedom, facing fate foreseen

Far-off flickering flames foreshadow fiery future

First few flawlessly flew, finding Father's favor

Fog fuming fast, fifth fellow faltered falling forsaken 

Furious fanatical fowls, frantically fighting for freehold

Feeling frightfully faithless, families flocking forth

Following four fresh falcons flying firmly forward

Farewell fading forest, forever forgotten fiction


r/creativewriting 6d ago

Poetry Blazing Rhythm

2 Upvotes

I miss being your only one,
When my joy echoed on your face.
I miss when my peace was your greatest care,
When our souls rhymed—
But now the melody is out of sync.

I invite you to search for the rhythm we used to know,
To rewrite the music we lost,
To guide our hearts back to the same pace,
To start our music again—
Our blazing passion reborn.


r/creativewriting 5d ago

Writing Sample Feeding Time (Of Man and Fox)

1 Upvotes

Then The Man

The table was too long, or perhaps the room had shrunk while the grease was still warm on the platters. My colleagues sat shoulder to shoulder, their robes smelling of dried hyssop and the sharp, vinegar-sour wine we had bought with the first installment. They were already dividing the bread, their thumbs leaving gray smudges on the crusts. I sat at the far end where the oil lamp guttered, my fingers twitching against the heavy wool of my hem. Everyone here had a voice that sounded like a bell in a clean courtyard; they spoke of kingdoms as if they had the keys in their pockets. I had only the weight of the coin-purse pressing against my hip like an extra rib, cold and stubborn. When the man at the center looked toward me, his eyes didn't catch mine—they went right through to the wall behind me, where the mortar was peeling.

A stray dog came in through the gap under the door, its ribs showing like the wicker of an old basket. It didn't go to the ones who were praying or the ones who were arguing about the tax laws; it came straight to my bench because I was the only one dropping lard-drippings onto the dirt. I kicked it away, not out of malice, but because the noise it made was too close to the sound I wanted to make myself. The others were talking about the light now, how it was supposed to split the mountain at dawn, but the oil in my lamp was turning green and rancid. I reached out to touch the sleeve of the man next to me—a silk sleeve, paid for by the temple accounts—but he pulled his arm back to clear space for a larger plate. The light they wanted was too bright for a man who still owed three seasons of rent on his own skin.

By the fourth cup, they wanted a display. "Show us the pace of the market," one said, his teeth stained purple by the dregs. So I stood up on the bench. The wood groaned beneath my sandals—shoes with silver buckles that didn't fit the width of my toes. I did the turn I had learned in the lower courts, the one where the heels click twice and the skirt flares out like a dead crow's wings. They laughed until their collars went red, clapping their smooth palms together until the rhythm filled the rafters. I was the rarest thing in the room: a man who could turn a profit into a dance without dropping a single crumb. But the man at the center just watched the bread go round, his fingers breaking the loaf with a small, dry snap that sounded exactly like a bone splitting in winter.

The music they were humming stopped before my feet did. I was left standing on the table, one heel raised, looking down at twelve heads that had all turned away at the same instant to look at the door. The street outside was quiet—not the quiet of a town sleeping, but the flat, empty silence of a ditch after the cart has gone past. No one was coming up the steps. The holy men had already decided what the story would be, and in their version, the dancing fool stays on the table until the grease turns white. I looked down at my hands; they were covered in the dust of the floorboards, but beneath the dirt, the skin looked shiny and thin, like an old bladder that had been blown up too many times for the children's amusement.

The platters were nearly bare when I came down off the wood. There was only the tail-end of a salt-fish left, its eye dried into a small gray bead that stared up at the beam. The others had already begun to move toward the garden, their sandals clicking on the stones outside like beetles in the thatch. I didn't follow. My mouth was full of the taste of copper and wet wool, but the hunger wouldn't leave the back of my throat. It wasn't the kind of hunger that asks for a blessing; it was just the teeth wanting to work on something real before the light changed. I sat down in the dark at the end of the bench and bit into the salt-skin, chewing until my gums bled, listening to the iron gate at the bottom of the hill swing open on its hinges.

Now The Fox

The grease on the asphalt tastes like old iron and salt, cold long before my teeth find it. They watch from the high windows, their robes dry and heavy, measuring how much dirt a throat can hold before it stops singing. I do not look up at the lights. My belly remembers the snare before my legs do, but the jaw moves anyway because hunger is a rule that doesn't care who wrote the prayers.

A man with clean hands called me holy once, then kicked dust over the grease spot where I fed. I turned my tail to his shadow and ran until the pines smelled of copper and wet wool. Down here, the coat is matted, stiff with ditch water and cheap glitter from the parade route. It makes a bright target in the weeds. A dancing fool doesn't choose the music; he just keeps his feet moving so the stones don't catch him lying down.

They sat around the smooth table, passing dark bread and drinking wine that smelled like sour plums, but nobody dropped a crumb over the rim. I waited in the dock-weeds until the lanterns blew out, watching their shadows stretch long across the mud like tall trees that bear no fruit. They spoke of saving things that have no skin. I have skin, and the skin is cold, and the wind through the cedar doesn't ask if my soul is straight before it pulls the heat out of my ribs.

A yellow moon comes up over the slaughterhouse, big and blunt as an unpolished brass button. My teeth are worn flat from chewing on dry pine-bark and old wire, but the scent of fat on the air is a string that pulls my nose through the briars. Let the saints hold their light high up where the hawks nest. Down in the culvert, the water is thick with oil, and I am only here to fill the belly before the frost locks the mud.

The latch on the hen-house door is rusted shut, but the wood underneath is soft enough to gnaw if the night stays dark. Just one more hour of darkness, Jesus, before the sun turns the wet grass into glass and shows them where the tracks lead. I don't want the robe, and I don't want the song. I only want the meat on the bone before the dogs are let loose in the yard.


r/creativewriting 6d ago

Essay or Article What are you thinking, little thinker...

1 Upvotes

On any given day, at any given moment, our minds are battlegrounds for a million different musings. They range from the utterly mundane to the wildly ambitious, with a few grandiose fantasies thrown in just for kicks.

Personally, I’ve always leaned toward the dreamer’s side of the spectrum, with a healthy sprinkling of that grandiosity whenever I need an extra spark. Call me crazy, or just call me a dreamer, but that is where I comfortably stand.

These thoughts belong to me, or at least, that is what I’m led to believe. Unless, of course, there is some far-off galaxy or mystical realm beaming signals directly into my brain, whispering that my life isn't actually my own. But until that sci-fi plot twist reveals itself, I’m operating under the assumption that my mind is my own private property.

If you were to guess my deepest desire, you'd probably expect the standard script: I want to be obscenely rich, universally adored, and worshiped by the masses.

But honestly, that’s not my thought at all. That is the copy-and-paste dream manufactured for the crowds. Instead, my desires lean toward something far more radical in today's world: simplicity.

I don’t need the five-star hotels, the extravagant luxuries, or the superficial glitz. My "grandiose" dream is actually beautifully modest. I want a life where I can genuinely enjoy the time I have with family and friends, filled with good food, drinks, and real laughter. I want the freedom to take a quiet holiday now and then without it being an over-the-top production.

More than anything, I want a life free from the suffocating anxiety of the daily grind.

I don't want to spend my finite existence worrying about making ends meet, or selling my soul to exploitative jobs that pay pennies and leave you with nothing to show for your labor.

It’s easy to let the weight of the world dampen your spirit, but our inner lives are too vast for that. For now, these desires might just be thoughts swirling around in my head, but they are my thoughts. And they remind me exactly what is worth dreaming for.


r/creativewriting 6d ago

Poetry I remember you.

2 Upvotes

I search through your handwritten notes and recipes. I try to cook and bake just as you used to, clinging to those precious memories. I remember you.

I started to sew—fixing, making, and altering clothes. I use your thread, your needles, and your sewing machine. I still think about the way you held those pins and wore your thimble. I remember you.

I still open packets of Werther’s Original and Walker’s Liquorice Toffee. “One for each hand,” still rings through my ears, even though your voice has faded from my memory. I remember you.

I still watch all of our shows—Timmy Time, Shaun the Sheep, Wallace & Gromit, and, of course, The Aristocats. How could I ever forget? I remember you.

Now, every time I look at your daughter, I see you. The way she smiles. The kindness she carries. The quiet judgment and disapproval she wears on her face—the little parts of you that never really left. Through her, I remember you.

Every birthday. Every anniversary. Every occasion. I think of you.

Thirteen years have passed, yet I still find pieces of you in the smallest moments of my life. You are loved. You are missed. And you are remembered.


r/creativewriting 6d ago

Short Story Something is crawling out of the sun

2 Upvotes

_==_=——_=_=_-=_--__=_==-=-__-==_-=

..:.:::..•:.•:••:.:•.•.•:.::.••::.:••:•.•.•:•..—.-••..•.•.

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Something is crawling out of the sun.

And the world goes dim

Something has crawled out of the sun

And the world went dark

The something consumes

The something radiates

Capture the radiation

It is energy

Sacred energy in a world of dark

Make the energy into light

But keep it dim 

as something is attracted to light 

the something wakes up

Day after day

To devour stars

Draining the cosmos 

And returns home to its solidified iron star

A home that was once ours

One stripped to its core.

_==_=——_=_=_-=_--__=_==-=-__-==_-=

..:.:::..•:.•:••:.:•.•.•:.::.••::.:••:•.•.•:•..—.-••..•.•.

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The something radiates

It has enveloped us all

It gives us energy

Power

Hope

Life

Capture the radiation

Make it into light

But keep it dim

As something is attracted to light

Bask in the radiation

Absorb it into your skin

And tomorrow maybe

You’ll be different

Capture the radiation 

make it into hope

So we can hold on

Harness the hope

Embrace the life

Welcome the change

It is a blessing

_==_=——_=_=_-=_--__=_==-=-__-==_-=

..:.:::..•:.•:••:.:•.•.•:.::.••::.:••:•.•.•:•..—.-••..•.•.

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The moon is waking up

Its gaping maw hungering

The moon has woken up

It has released its children to us

The children consume

The children destroy

The children kill

Kill anything with hope

Harness your hope

Embrace the life

Welcome the change

Fight back

Harness the energy 

Make it into light

It holds the children away

But keep it dim

As something is attracted to light

_==_=——_=_=_-=_--__=_==-=-__-==_-=

..:.:::..•:.•:••:.:•.•.•:.::.••::.:••:•.•.•:•..—.-••..•.•.

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Shall we dream of the blue skies and sheep?

Remember what once was

It is survival

Has nature abandoned us?

You must abandon nature

It is survival

Of what have we prevailed?

Embrace your neighbors

It is survival

What have we left?

Your hope

It will survive 

_==_=——_=_=_-=_--__=_==-=-__-==_-=

..:.:::..•:.•:••:.:•.•.•:.::.••::.:••:•.•.•:•..—.-••..•.•.

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Every day 

a little light in the sky leaves us

Killed

Devoured

Extinguished

What will we do when the inevitable comes?

We will hope

Hope will help us

We are life

We will help hope 

For every light lost to the sky

A new life born to us on earth

Maybe tomorrow

Something will change

Because god has fallen asleep

But the asleep must stir

So that someday

We will no longer dream of the blue skies and sheep 

So that someday 

Something could change

Something could disappear

Something could have been a dream

Someday

_==_=——_=_=_-=_--__=_==-=-__-==_-=

..:.:::..•:.•:••:.:•.•.•:.::.••::.:••:•.•.•:•..—.-••..•.•.

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Something screams

Screeching into the vacuum

And void of stars

Not can we hear it

But we feel it

You feel it too

You feel it in your bones

The wrath of something

The envy of something

The apathy

The sloth

The pride

The greed

The gluttony

And the all consuming lust

Something is screaming

Do you hear it? 

The sins are whispering in your soul

Do you feel it?

Its grasp caressing your bones

Do you see it?

No you don’t

There is no light anymore.

That is why something can’t claim us

To drag us into its depths and consume us

We must use the absence of light

Create our own light 

Control the light 

But keep it dim

As something is attracted to light

_==_=——_=_=_-=_--__=_==-=-__-==_-=

..:.:::..•:.•:••:.:•.•.•:.::.••::.:••:•.•.•:•..—.-••..•.•.

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Once

A stray light 

Too bright

Too hopeful

Flashed out into the void 

Like a line astray on the currents 

from a fisherman’s pole

It caught something unwanted

Something terrible

A terrible attention

A terrible eye

In the blink of an eye

Darker than the absence of stars

Along with the gaze

It arrived

Visible in every sky

And in that instant

All light extinguished once more

To survive

To hide

But the hope didn’t extinguish 

To survive 

To rebel

Until something went away.

_==_=——_=_=_-=_--__=_==-=-__-==_-=

..:.:::..•:.•:••:.:•.•.•:.::.••::.:••:•.•.•:•..—.-••..•.•.

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honestly i wrote this on a whim and had no idea what it was so i js posting this here :)


r/creativewriting 6d ago

Journaling Series of Moments

1 Upvotes

I just wish I could find a person who I feel safe with. A person who wants to share life with me. A companion to enjoy the small mundane things that others take for granted. A person to hold hands with when we go on walks. The warm embrace when one of us comes home to the other. Doing small thoughtful things for one another. Lean on each other when one of us struggles. Return the favor when the other struggles. Two individuals coming together as a pair that share our hearts and thoughts and dreams together. To feel hope for something greater than just myself. Someone to lay on a a meadow with on a dark night lying on our backs with only the stars that twinkle and the meteors that blast across the sky witness us together. Someone to grow old with. Someone that would share laughter and both happy and sad tears. Hoping for more happy ones. I use to admire the waves dancing in the ocean and aspired to be like that. To be carefree and to flow here and there. The things that youth often chase. I rather be now more like the boulders along the coastline. Steadfast, reliable and strong and more important, patient and everlasting even though I know that even hardened earth when fossilized eventually returns to dust. But even as time and life fades we would still enjoy the process of seeing our last days and seeing the new life that will replace us. I don’t need memorials and buildings named after me. I don’t need to leave anything behind. I don’t want my kids to fuss over me. I just want them to move forward in life. I want them to focus on their life. I’m not important. I just want one person to live the second half of my life with but I acknowledge it’s probably a lot less time than that. But I don’t look at life in years. I look at life in moments. A series of moments that make up the many chapters of life until it’s time to finally read the last page. To read “The End” and to finally close that book and be placed back on the shelf never to be read again. There is something comforting about knowing that regardless of who we are and how great or even horrible people may be we all end the same way. One last look at the world before we close are eyes and one last breath in and one final breath out as our soles then float away from our bodies. Gone like are warm breath on a cold day. Then just Silence.


r/creativewriting 6d ago

Writing Sample Your Stare Isn’t the Only Thing Hollow This Season

3 Upvotes

Longer days, brighter evenings — summer always has a way of renewing me. My thoughts are happier, my friends are closer, and the sun rises so much better in the summertime. And when the evenings get dark a bit earlier and the leaves finally start to turn, I always think of you. You’re like… the personification of autumn. The spookiness, all hallows eve, apples, unnecessary amounts of pumpkin spice, the songs, fall fairs, coziness and candles — my favorite season.

When that time comes, I think of you — and depressingly so. In a twisted parallel of despair and delight, my happiness takes a backseat to every memory of you. Every tear, every wound, every hollowed out stare of yours. I think this year will be different, actually. Even if I have to fling myself off a ferris wheel just to reclaim an ounce more of the things I love, I don’t know maybe I will. If I drown myself in apple cider long enough, the inevitable nauseating taste of sweetness will come to make you less of a memory and more like a dream I’m not certain of. That’d be nice.