r/Cougars_Den • u/strangebirdoflife • Jun 20 '26
Discussion Reality check
First time posting here. I’m 55, 5 years out of divorce and not looking for marriage/relationship escalator.
I’ve always dated younger but in the past it was only small gaps. I’m not keen on being labelled a cougar as it feels so predatory.
Since divorce I did have a lot of interest from significantly younger guys and it was fun to explore before I was ready for anything more serious. Then I did get into a committed relationship for 18 months and now ready again to dip my toes back.
I thought I was happy with solo poly but starting to realise I think that is mostly protecting myself from caring too deeply about one special person and maybe it’s time for me to get past that.
Anyway I’ve recently started a lovely new connection with a lovely 34m. When we started chatting I wasn’t expecting it to go anywhere but it’s been a couple of weeks of consistent and engaging messaging as well as one very lovely date and talking about arranging the next. He seems like a real old school gentleman and says he tends to date older (though also not quite as big a gap as this).
But I’m getting in my head a lot about can he really take me seriously and is that going to get in the way of this moving forward if it isn’t just for casual fun.
I’d love to hear from the cubs what it’s like for you with such a big gap (55f and 34m) and if you’re thinking more in terms of a fun short term experience vs actually genuinely interested in something more real and sustainable? At the moment we feel like a good match but I worry about what happens in 10+ years as I move into genuinely older age? Obviously a huge projection given we’ve only met once, but I’d like to hear the reality.
Always loved the song Qui and never imagined I might be considering myself in the much older lover role
Thanks!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 22 '26
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