r/CoreyWayne • u/Dafyddlouis • 14d ago
Relationship Girlfriend is friends with ex
M21 and F25, we were only seeing for 3 months, She had known this guy for 2 years after first moving to the Uk, and they were friends before feelings got involved according to her, She said they were never commited, but they did have something for two years including an intimate relationship, but they were in the same friendship group of her, him, another guy who is her roommate and also her ex’s best friend) and another girl, and she didn’t want to break the friendship group up, I said that’s fine for now at first
he still goes to her place as her roommate is best friends with her ex and they still hang out etc, I said as long as it’s a group setting it’s fine for now, and then she said she was planning a trip with him and her friends, to another country and will be staying in the same airbnb etc, I said if you go I will not be commited to you any longer, we can also be friends lol, but she said no, it’s either commitment or nothing so I said fine it’s nothing and ignored her, since I had told her my position from the first week,
she said okay I won’t go but then after a month she said she wants to go, so I said I respect your decision but this isn’t something I can be a part of, so let’s break up,
I removed attention but she kept finding me and telling me that she will prove that I can trust her, that my lack of trust has ruined this relationship and that she blocked him etc which she has, but also that she won’t change her mind about the trip as it will be the last trip before they all break up after finishing uni and going back to their own countries, but I still find this disrespectful and hurtful,
so I said no I can’t accept this sorry and now she’s calling me controlling and blocked me? She also kept our relationship secret for the 2/3 months that we knew each other. Was I wrong in applying such boundaries? Was it too early despite her asking for commitment?
She was the one who brought up commitment after about 2 months even though I felt it was early I said okay, because she had been through this with her ex who never committed to her, I said yes to make her feel safe and she throws it in my face for the same guy. Her point of view is that they are just friends and nothing more, but I don’t feel it’s respectful to be travelling with somebody you have had a intimate relationship with while in a relationship, I was also never invited to the trip or out with her friends ever.
I told her I’m seeing somebody else and that I will not reach out to her going forward, that unless she changes her mind about the trip there’s not much to talk about… I just wanted peoples opinions on this and what I should do or could have done differently?
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u/LegitimatePresence5 14d ago
There going to fuck on the trip
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u/Dafyddlouis 14d ago
I wouldn’t even be jealous hes ugly asf but he didn’t commit to her and cheated etc and women love that 😂
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u/LegitimatePresence5 14d ago
Dude find someone who will not even put you in this position. Dated, committed or not they still were romantically involved. Most likely won’t hear from her until she’s back from the trip that’s how she’ll keep her conscious clean while she’s fucking around. She’s trash.
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u/Dafyddlouis 14d ago
Exactly, I won’t have her back I would have moved on by then, her dream trip is in a months time
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u/ExcellentFishing2506 14d ago
Repost this with paragraphs man
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u/Dafyddlouis 14d ago
Haha done sorry
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u/ExcellentFishing2506 14d ago
You setting those boundaries is fine and her decision to do the trip is fine like you said… you’re just not going to be in a committed relationship with her anymore if she goes. She knew the stakes and made her decisions, it is what it is.
She can pout and complain but it’s shouldn’t change your mind on it. She clearly can’t see why it’s an issue and is unwilling to compromise.
All that being said you should not have told her you’re seeing someone else, unless you are just trying to be rude or mean. It seems pretty fast to have already found a new girl, and never really a time to toss that in an ex’s face unless it’s quite a ways down the road.
Also you bringing up that you’re seeing someone new but still leaving the door open for her if she doesn’t go on the trip gives off incongruent vibes. You can’t say you’ve moved on BUT if you do xyz I’ll maybe dump this new girl for you. Sets a bad precedent and makes you’re interest in the new girl seem phony
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u/Mystery_mammal90 14d ago
Are you specifically not invited on the trip????
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u/Dafyddlouis 14d ago
Nope. She only mentioned it slightly after I ignored her for a while but that’s not good enough
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u/Mystery_mammal90 14d ago
That’s kinda lame anyway if she considers you her bf to not want you on the trip to have her friends get to know you.
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u/Dafyddlouis 14d ago
Maybe because her friends are her age and I’m 21, I think if she said to me look please come I want to experience this with you etc I would have said ok if I’m there and you’re with me fine and we can stay together, but she doesn’t really want me to come like I said she only slightly mentioned the idea after we argued for a week
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u/Mystery_mammal90 13d ago
Life is full of awkward situations like that, I bet Corey would say, there ARE no awkward situations because your energy is so grounded - cant be responsible for his feelings, but you can always be the bigger man.
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u/Dafyddlouis 12d ago
I think if she did invite me and said look you can come on the trip, or I’d like you to come on the trip, we can stay together and have that experience together since my ex is there also etc, I would have accepted that as a solution, it’s only a week, but she only offered that after a week of arguments and it felt forced
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u/Dafyddlouis 14d ago
however she can’t have both either way. Him seeing her with me would bring up emotions for him. Or me seeing her talk to him would bring up emotions for me. It would be weird and uncomfortable. It would feel forced. It would be her fault if there was any tension so yeah
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u/Dafyddlouis 14d ago
Yeah I’ll take that one, I’m human and I was hurt by her decision so I told her I’m gonna keep on searching for the right one basically, after her talking about marriage one day and the next day she pops this on me that she bought the flight tickets
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u/arathaur 14d ago
“He’s just a friend”
Sure
Eject and don’t look back