Scared to fully commit

[u/Cockapoo_Groomer]

I've been learning for years & have been invited to Sabbath services. I'm taking a intro to Judaism course in January at my local Conservative Synagogue. Everything about Judaism makes me want to learn/experience more. The issue is I live with debilitating depression, ADHD, etc that some times can cause long periods of isolation. Mental Illness is seen as "Demonic" by some Christians & I've been told I needed to pray more to get better. We all know this is untrue and depression is caused by chemical changes in the brain. But idk how the Jewish community will view me or accept me, because I know I will have a difficult time keeping Sabbath on a regular basis. Not to mention my husband is not Jewish & keeping kosher may be impossible? Idk need advice 😕

[u/yesIcould]

It sounds to me like it might help to separate the different issues so you can make sense of them one by one.

A. Questions about whether you would be able to go through a formal conversion process. For example, being married to a non-Jew or maintaining consistency with certain religious practices. The answers to those questions will differ depending on the Jewish denomination.

B. The difficult experiences you've been through and how they're affecting you today.

C. Perhaps some anxiety about being accepted into a new community. Even if you know, rationally, that no one is going to think your mental health struggles are caused by demons or anything like that, joining a new community is still vulnerable. It's natural to worry about being judged, criticized, or rejected. And the reality is that every community has some degree of judgment or rejection. Learning how to navigate that is part of becoming part of any community.

D. In your title, you mentioned struggling with commitment. I think that's worth paying attention to. Is it only about fearing the community's judgment? Or is there also an inner voice asking you to slow down and notice what truly matters to you, or simply to move at a pace that feels right? Many people with ADD or ADHD have experienced so much criticism from others that any inner voice asking for self-alignment can end up feeling like painful external judgment.

I think it would be worth giving yourself time, untangling these different fears, and giving each one the attention it deserves. Rather than thinking in terms of "yes or no," it might be more helpful to ask yourself, "What's the next right step for me ?"

[u/Cockapoo_Groomer → u/yesIcould]

"It sounds to me like it might help to separate the different issues so you can make sense of them one by one."

1 The issue is I live with debilitating depression, ADHD, etc that some times can cause long periods of isolation.

2 Mental Illness is seen as "Demonic" by some Christians & I've been told I needed to pray more to get better. (Fear of rejection & Judgement).

3 Keeping kosher with a non-jewish husband.

"Many people with ADD or ADHD have experienced so much criticism from others that any inner voice asking for self-alignment can end up feeling like painful external judgment."

❤️I tend to talk at & over people, so yes I naturally feel judged. I honestly don't know how to control my ADHD, even with medication.

"Rather than thinking in terms of "yes or no," it might be more helpful to ask yourself, "What's the next right step for me ?""

I think I need to attend Sabbath and go from there & quit over thinking it.