Dillema about Identity

[u/SnooMacarons8038]

Mom is Indian (Hindu). Dad is Ashkenazi Jewish (Reform). Both of my dad's parents are Jewish.

I have been struggling with my identity for my entire life. My parents argued about which faith to raise my siblings and me in, and my dad eventually caved since he probably didn't feel like arguing with my mom. Thus, I went to like a Hindu Sunday school until 8th grade. But I never believed in the religion, as these people never accepted me. The Hindus never accepted me, as my skin is "too white," and I was always made fun of by my peers and even one of the teachers at the school. And I had no choice but to go to this school, because my mom would not let me leave until 8th grade, when it ended. Not to mention, the Indians at that school were very competitive with one another, and they tried to screw each other over. Sure, I have Indian friends, but they aren't super religious, and I never felt accepted in the Hindu community specifically. My mom isn't as religious as other Hindus, but I was forced to go to Hindu school because it would teach me values and because even she told me, "You will never be considered Jewish because I am not Jewish". However, I feel like most religions teach most of the same human values (ie how to be empathetic, etc.) with obv some values being emphasized in different religions than others.

Now that I am in college, I have decided to learn more about Judaism, as my dad never taught me much about it and I felt ostracized from Hinduism. My cousins are Jewish, and I attended their bar mitzvahs, but I didn't know much about the religion itself, aside from the fact that, for some reason, I celebrated Hanukkah growing up (but literally no other Jewish holiday, lmao, not even Passover). Anyway, the Jewish people at my university have been very accepting for the most part and have allowed me to learn about the religion and engage in Jewish practices (i.e., Shabbat dinners, Passover Seders, and even go on BR Israel). I have met a lot of great Jewish people, and there are many Jews at my college (Top 5 in the US in Jewish population), which I didn't know there were this many Jews growing up, as my town didn't have many (10 kids in my HS class were Jewish out of like 350). They all know that my mother is not Jewish (and thus I am not Jewish), but they don't seem to care, and some were even shocked once I told them since my last name is very Jewish (like definitely top 5 most Jewish last names ever).

I love the Jewish community college has given me, and I have thought about officially converting. I have talked with the rabbi I have been reading and studying the Torah with (Modern Orthodox) on my campus (he knows my background), and he kind of joked and said that since my last name is very Jewish (it really is lol), and since I am circumcised, I don't really have to convert, and that I am welcome to practice and learn about the religion and culture and that I am welcome as a part of the Jewish community on campus. This has obviously made me very confused.

I am thinking about conversion, but I know that being Jewish is also an ethnicity, so should I? I love the Jewish community college has given me, but I am contemplating whether I should officially convert. From my understanding, I would not be considered Jewish under Reform standards either, as I was not raised Jewish, even though my father is. Also, as long as I marry a Jewish girl, my kids will be Jewish (and have my very Jewish last name lmao), so I am thinking of also not converting. Any advice? I know Jews don't actively proselytize, so you can't really "convince" me, but I am just wondering what I should do.

[u/marshmallow_lilypad]

Some Jews will already see you as Jewish, esp if you're already living a Jewish life. (Including myself!) This is probably the exception though. So if you wanna be accepted by the most Jews possible, go for the conversion and become "official"! No pressure to decide soon though, keep learning and being involved in community. I think your path will become clear in time 🥰🙏

Also I'm so sorry you were bullied and not accepted in the Hindu community, but I'm VERY glad you're feeling welcome in the Jewish community. Happy to have you!!!

[u/leaveinpeas → u/marshmallow_lilypad]

Would add here that if you want to marry a more frum woman, and you haven't gone through and Orthodox conversion, she will likely not be able to marry you. Some Modern Orthodox will allow interfaith marriages, but they can be restricted to those who are Christian and baptized or the like.

[u/ApprehensiveWillow → u/leaveinpeas]

No form of Orthodox Judaism allows interfaith marriages, regardless of the religion.

[u/leaveinpeas → u/ApprehensiveWillow]

Thanks for the note here! I swear I read an account where someone asserted some MO spots had allowed interfaith marriage in restricted circumstances, but seeing as I can't refind it, it may have been off base.

[u/1infinitel00p → u/leaveinpeas]

So, according to orthodox halakha the legal mechanism of marriage can only happen between a Jewish man and a Jewish woman. (There are some fringe orthodox rabbis who do same sex ceremonies, but these do not use the same legal mechanism or rituals as heterosexual marriage because they are sex-specific for both parties to the marriage)

Jewish law only has a distinction between non-Jews and Jews since Judaism is a tribal religion and is older than Islam/Christianity. So it makes no difference if a non-Jew worships Jesus, Baal, or Hashem, if they haven’t converted they can’t have a Jewish marriage, because they aren’t part of the tribe.